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You Can Have What You Want

You Can Have What You Want

Proven Strategies for Inner and Outer Success
by Michael Neill 2006 274 pages
4.14
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Happiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances

"Your happiness does not depend on getting what you want."

Choose happiness first. Many people believe they'll be happy when they achieve their goals, but this mindset is backward. When you prioritize happiness, success becomes more likely and enjoyable. Happiness is not a destination but a way of traveling through life. It's about finding contentment in the present moment, regardless of external circumstances.

Three types of happiness:

  • Pleasure: Immediate, sensory gratification
  • Satisfaction: Feeling good about accomplishments
  • Meaning: Connecting to something larger than yourself

Practice contentment by being fully present, breathing deeply, and appreciating what you have. Remember, you can be content even while working towards your goals. This shift in perspective allows you to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

2. Set goals that make you go "Wow!" for effortless success

"It's easier to have what you really want than what you think you can get."

Dream big and specific. Instead of setting "realistic" goals, allow yourself to imagine what would truly excite you. When you're genuinely passionate about your goals, you'll find it easier to take action and overcome obstacles. The key is to tap into your authentic desires, not what you think you should want or what others expect of you.

Steps to set "Wow!" goals:

  1. Imagine your ideal scenario without limitations
  2. Write it down in vivid detail
  3. Ask yourself, "What would make this even better?"
  4. Consider how achieving this goal would make you feel

Remember, the purpose of a goal is to inspire you to fall more deeply in love with your life. By setting goals that genuinely excite you, you align yourself with your true passions and increase your chances of success.

3. Overcome limiting beliefs and learned helplessness

"You are not the enemy."

Challenge your assumptions. Many people struggle with self-doubt and limiting beliefs that hold them back. These beliefs often stem from past experiences or societal conditioning. Recognize that these thoughts are not facts, but stories you've been telling yourself. By questioning and reframing these beliefs, you can unlock your full potential.

Strategies to overcome limiting beliefs:

  • Identify the belief and its origin
  • Look for evidence that contradicts the belief
  • Create a new, empowering belief to replace it
  • Take small actions that reinforce the new belief

Remember, learned helplessness is a mindset that can be unlearned. By taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, you can break free from self-imposed limitations and create the life you desire.

4. Prioritize well-being and spiritual self-care

"Spiritual self-care is no more or less than the care and feeding of your spirit."

Nurture your inner self. In the pursuit of success, many people neglect their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. However, taking care of yourself is crucial for sustained happiness and achievement. Spiritual self-care doesn't necessarily mean religious practices; it's about connecting with your inner self and finding meaning in life.

Daily practices for spiritual self-care:

  • Meditation or mindfulness exercises
  • Journaling or reflection
  • Engaging in activities that bring you joy
  • Spending time in nature
  • Practicing gratitude

Create a "spiritual self-care chart" to track activities that nurture your spirit. By consistently engaging in these practices, you'll increase your resilience, creativity, and overall life satisfaction.

5. Navigate relationships by taking responsibility for yourself

"The only reason you will ever behave in a mean, cruel, or fiercely unreasonable way is you are unhappy or unwell in yourself and doing the best you can to take care of yourself, usually by blaming you for their unhappiness or lack of well-being."

Focus on what you can control. In relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to change others or blaming them for your problems. However, the key to healthier relationships is taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. This doesn't mean accepting mistreatment, but rather recognizing your power to choose your response in any situation.

Steps to improve relationships:

  1. Practice active listening
  2. Communicate openly and honestly
  3. Set clear boundaries
  4. Take responsibility for your emotions
  5. Focus on solutions rather than blame

By shifting your focus from changing others to changing yourself, you create space for more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

6. Manage time by focusing on what truly matters

"The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important."

Prioritize ruthlessly. Many people feel overwhelmed by their to-do lists and struggle with time management. The solution isn't to cram more activities into your day, but to focus on what's truly important. By aligning your time with your values and goals, you can achieve more while feeling less stressed.

Effective time management strategies:

  • Identify your top 3 priorities for the day, week, and month
  • Use the "big rocks" approach: Schedule important tasks first
  • Practice saying "no" to non-essential commitments
  • Batch similar tasks together for efficiency
  • Take regular breaks to maintain focus and energy

Remember, being "busy" doesn't equal being productive. By consciously choosing where to invest your time and energy, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

7. Transform your relationship with money for financial freedom

"Where there's a way, there's a will."

Shift your money mindset. Many people struggle with money not because they lack resources, but because they have unhealthy beliefs about wealth. By examining and shifting these beliefs, you can create a more positive relationship with money and increase your financial well-being.

Steps to financial freedom:

  1. Clarify your money goals and values
  2. Track your income and expenses
  3. Create a "Freedom Fund" for financial security
  4. Increase your perceived value in the marketplace
  5. Practice gratitude for the money you have

Remember, true wealth is about more than just accumulating money. It's about having the freedom to make choices aligned with your values and desires. By focusing on creating value and managing your resources wisely, you can achieve both financial and personal fulfillment.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.14 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

You Can Have What You Want receives mostly positive reviews, with an average rating of 4.14 out of 5. Readers praise its engaging writing style, practical advice, and impactful exercises. Many find it transformative, comparing it favorably to other self-help books. The book is lauded for its clarity, humor, and ability to resonate with readers. It's recommended for those seeking personal growth, facing challenges, or needing motivation. Some reviewers plan to reread it, highlighting its lasting impact. A few readers found it less groundbreaking but still worthwhile.

Your rating:

About the Author

Michael Neill is a renowned self-help author and success coach. He has written several books on personal development and mindset transformation. Neill's writing style is often described as clear, engaging, and practical. He focuses on helping readers achieve their goals and live more fulfilling lives. His approach combines elements of positive psychology, cognitive behavioral techniques, and spiritual principles. Neill is known for his ability to present complex ideas in accessible ways, often incorporating humor and real-life examples. He has gained a following for his straightforward and non-preachy approach to self-improvement. Neill's work often emphasizes the power of mindset and belief in achieving success and happiness.

Other books by Michael Neill

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