25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy

1. What is "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" by Juli Slattery about?

• Comprehensive Christian Guide: The book addresses 25 of the most common and challenging questions Christian women have about love, sex, and intimacy, integrating biblical wisdom with psychological insight.
• Breaking Silence on Sexuality: Dr. Juli Slattery aims to break the silence and shame surrounding sexuality in the church, encouraging open, honest, and biblically grounded conversations.
• Holistic Approach: The book explores how sexuality is deeply connected to identity, spirituality, relationships, and emotional health, not just physical acts.
• Practical and Theological: Each chapter provides practical advice, real-life stories, and scriptural references to help women navigate complex issues in both singleness and marriage.

2. Why should I read "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" by Juli Slattery?

• Addresses Real Questions: The book tackles questions many Christian women are too embarrassed or afraid to ask, providing answers that are both compassionate and biblically sound.
• Empowers Women: It empowers readers to embrace their God-given sexuality without shame, offering tools for healing and growth.
• Relevant for All Women: Whether single, married, or divorced, the book offers insights applicable to every stage of life and relationship status.
• Encourages Healthy Dialogue: Dr. Slattery encourages women to start conversations in their communities, churches, and friendships, fostering a culture of openness and support.

3. What are the key takeaways from "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy"?

• Sexuality and Spirituality Are Linked: Your sexual choices and struggles are inseparable from your spiritual life; every sexual decision is also a spiritual one.
• God’s Design for Sex: Sex is a good gift from God, meant for pleasure, intimacy, and as a metaphor for God’s relationship with His people, but is designed to be expressed within marriage.
• Healing and Redemption: No sexual sin or brokenness is beyond God’s forgiveness and healing; shame can be overcome through confession, truth, and community.
• Practical Wisdom: The book offers actionable advice on topics like sexual desire differences, boundaries in dating, dealing with porn, and rebuilding trust after betrayal.

4. How does Juli Slattery define "sexual discipleship" in "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy"?

• Integrating Faith and Sexuality: Sexual discipleship means intentionally bringing your sexuality under the lordship of Christ, not compartmentalizing it from your spiritual life.
• Ongoing Surrender: It involves a lifelong process of yielding your desires, struggles, and questions to God, trusting His design and commands.
• Countercultural Approach: Dr. Slattery challenges the influence of secular messages and calls for a biblically rooted understanding of sex and intimacy.
• Community and Accountability: Sexual discipleship is not meant to be done in isolation; it requires honest conversations, mentorship, and support within the body of Christ.

5. What does "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" say about the connection between sexuality and spirituality?

• Inseparable Realities: The book emphasizes that sexuality and spirituality are deeply intertwined; how you handle your sexuality reflects your relationship with God.
• Biblical Metaphor: Sexual intimacy in marriage is portrayed as a metaphor for the covenant love and deep knowing (yada) between God and His people.
• Impact on Faith: Distorted or unhealed sexuality can affect your view of God, your sense of worth, and your spiritual growth.
• Pathway to Healing: Embracing God’s perspective on sexuality can lead to greater spiritual freedom, intimacy with God, and personal wholeness.

6. How does Juli Slattery address sexual shame and healing in "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy"?

• Distinguishing Guilt and Shame: The book clarifies the difference—guilt is about what you’ve done, shame is about who you believe you are.
• No Sin Too Great: Dr. Slattery assures readers that sexual sins are not unforgivable; Jesus offers complete forgiveness and freedom from shame.
• Steps to Healing: Healing begins with confession, receiving God’s grace, and sometimes seeking counseling or support from trusted believers.
• Ongoing Process: Overcoming shame is often a journey, requiring intentional focus on God’s truth, your identity in Christ, and sometimes professional help.

7. What guidance does "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" give about sexual boundaries in dating and marriage?

• Purity Beyond Virginity: The book teaches that sexual purity is about honoring God with your body and mind, not just avoiding intercourse before marriage.
• Boundaries in Dating: Dr. Slattery suggests pacing all forms of intimacy (physical, emotional, spiritual) according to the level of commitment, with marriage as the ultimate boundary.
• Marriage Boundaries: Within marriage, couples are encouraged to explore and enjoy sexual pleasure, but to avoid anything that violates biblical principles, involves others, or is harmful.
• Communication is Key: Open, honest conversations about boundaries, desires, and struggles are essential for healthy relationships.

8. How does "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" address common sexual struggles like differing libidos, porn, and masturbation?

• Differing Libidos: The book normalizes differences in sexual desire between spouses and encourages communication, understanding, and compromise.
• Pornography: Dr. Slattery explains the damaging effects of porn on intimacy and offers steps for couples to address and heal from its impact, emphasizing empathy, boundaries, and teamwork.
• Masturbation: The book acknowledges the complexity of the issue, offering biblical principles to help women discern motives, thought life, and whether the practice is honoring to God.
• Seeking Help: For persistent struggles or addictions, professional counseling and accountability are recommended.

9. What does Juli Slattery teach about God’s design for sex and pleasure in "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy"?

• Sex as a Gift: Sex is created by God for pleasure, bonding, and as a reflection of His covenant love, not just for procreation.
• Permission for Pleasure: Married couples are encouraged to fully enjoy sexual pleasure, creativity, and adventure within the boundaries of mutual consent and biblical morality.
• Dismantling Shame: The book challenges the notion that sexual pleasure is dirty or shameful, especially within marriage.
• Cautions: While advocating for freedom, Dr. Slattery warns against practices that are addictive, harmful, or involve others (physically or in fantasy).

10. How does "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" approach controversial topics like homosexuality, cohabitation, and erotica?

• Homosexuality: The book holds to a traditional biblical view, distinguishing between same-sex attraction (not sinful) and acting on those desires (considered outside God’s design), while emphasizing compassion and God’s power to redeem all brokenness.
• Cohabitation: Dr. Slattery presents research and biblical teaching showing that living together before marriage undermines commitment and increases risk of future marital problems.
• Erotica and Porn: The book warns that erotica and pornography create false intimacy, distort expectations, and ultimately sabotage real relationships and spiritual health.
• Compassion and Truth: Throughout, the author balances biblical standards with empathy for those struggling or questioning.

11. What practical advice does "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" offer for building intimacy and resolving conflict in marriage?

• Prioritize Intimacy: Make time for sex and emotional connection, even in busy seasons, recognizing its importance for marital health.
• Communicate Openly: Address differences in desire, frustrations, and needs with honesty and humility, seeking to understand rather than blame.
• Conflict vs. Fighting: The book distinguishes between healthy conflict (intentional, humble, focused on unity) and destructive fighting (impulsive, prideful, focused on winning).
• Invest in Growth: Seek counseling, read together, and pray for your marriage, understanding that intimacy requires ongoing effort and grace.

12. What are the best quotes from "25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy" by Juli Slattery, and what do they mean?

• “Every sexual choice is also a spiritual choice. Sex isn’t just about sex.” — This highlights the book’s core message that sexuality and spirituality are inseparable, and our sexual decisions reflect our relationship with God.
• “God has a bigger ‘yes’ for you. God is actually for great sex within the right context.” — Dr. Slattery wants readers to know that God’s boundaries are not to limit joy, but to maximize it within His design.
• “Healing from physical, relational, and emotional barriers to sex takes work and effort. It begins with a commitment to identify them and address them.” — This quote encourages women not to settle for brokenness, but to pursue healing with courage and intentionality.
• “The most unloving thing I could do throughout this book is to withhold the truth about God’s design for sex.” — Dr. Slattery emphasizes that sharing biblical truth, even when difficult, is an act of love.
• “Your sexuality isn’t just about what you choose to do with your body. It’s about living out a holy metaphor within the messiness of a fallen and broken world.” — This encapsulates the book’s vision for sexuality as a profound, God-given aspect of our humanity, meant to point us to deeper spiritual realities.