I Can Fix This

What’s "I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child" by Kristina Kuzmic about?

• Memoir of Parenting Struggles: The book is a candid memoir chronicling Kristina Kuzmic’s journey as she parents her son Luka through severe depression, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation.
• Debunking Parenting Myths: Kuzmic structures the book around ten “lies” she told herself as a parent, using each as a chapter to explore common misconceptions and hard truths about raising a struggling child.
• Focus on Mental Health: The narrative delves deeply into the realities of adolescent mental illness, the challenges of seeking help, and the impact on the entire family.
• Personal Growth and Acceptance: It’s also a story of the author’s own transformation, as she learns to let go of control, accept imperfection, and prioritize connection over fixing.

Why should I read "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic?

• Raw Honesty and Relatability: Kuzmic’s vulnerability and willingness to share her darkest moments make the book deeply relatable for any parent or caregiver facing similar struggles.
• Practical Insights: The book offers practical advice and hard-earned wisdom about navigating mental health crises, family dynamics, and the limits of parental control.
• Destigmatizing Mental Illness: By sharing her family’s story, Kuzmic helps break the stigma around adolescent mental health and encourages open conversations.
• Empowering Message: Readers are left with a sense of hope, validation, and encouragement to seek support, practice self-compassion, and redefine what it means to be a “good” parent.

What are the key takeaways from "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic?

• You Can’t Fix Everything: The belief that parents can “fix” their child’s struggles is a myth; true support comes from curiosity, empathy, and acceptance.
• Progress Isn’t Linear: Healing from mental illness is a messy, non-linear process, full of setbacks and small victories.
• Self-Care Is Essential: Good parenting isn’t about self-sacrifice to the point of depletion; taking care of oneself is vital for the whole family’s well-being.
• Connection Over Control: Building trust, listening without judgment, and letting go of the need to control outcomes are more effective than trying to enforce solutions.

How does Kristina Kuzmic structure "I Can Fix This" and what are the “lies” she addresses?

• Ten Lies as Chapters: Each chapter is titled after a “lie” Kuzmic told herself, such as “I Can Fix This,” “I Am in Control,” and “It’s All My Fault.”
• Personal Stories and Lessons: She uses personal anecdotes to illustrate how each lie manifested in her parenting and what she learned from confronting it.
• Progression from Denial to Acceptance: The structure mirrors her journey from denial and self-blame to acceptance, growth, and a new understanding of her role as a parent.
• Integration of Family Voices: The book includes perspectives from her son Luka and other family members, adding depth and authenticity.

What is the main message about parenting a child with mental health struggles in "I Can Fix This"?

• Let Go of Control: Parents cannot control or “fix” their child’s mental health; their role is to support, listen, and love unconditionally.
• Curiosity Over Assumption: Approaching a child’s behavior with curiosity rather than assumption opens the door to understanding and connection.
• Normalize Imperfection: Both parents and children are allowed to be imperfect; healing and growth come from embracing vulnerability and authenticity.
• Community and Support Matter: Seeking help, joining support groups, and building a network are crucial for both the child and the parent.

How does Kristina Kuzmic describe the impact of her son’s struggles on the rest of the family in "I Can Fix This"?

• Ripple Effect on Siblings: The intense focus on Luka’s needs led to unintentional neglect of her other children’s emotional well-being, highlighting the importance of checking in with “the quiet kids.”
• Strain on Marriage: The stress and chaos strained her marriage, leading to emotional distance and the need for intentional reconnection and communication.
• Family Healing: The family’s journey included learning new ways to communicate, apologize, and support each other, not just the child in crisis.
• Shared Vulnerability: Kuzmic emphasizes that everyone in the family is affected and that healing requires honesty and shared vulnerability.

What specific advice or methods does Kristina Kuzmic offer for parents in "I Can Fix This"?

• Practice Curiosity: Replace assumptions with genuine questions and stand in awe of your child’s story.
• Model Emotional Regulation: Work on your own triggers and reactions; be the steady adult in the room.
• Prioritize Self-Care: Don’t neglect your own needs; self-care is not selfish but necessary.
• Seek Community: Join support groups, reach out for professional help, and don’t try to do it all alone.
• Adapt and Pivot: Be flexible in your parenting approach; what works for one child or situation may not work for another.

How does "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic challenge traditional parenting beliefs?

• Debunks Parental Omnipotence: The book challenges the idea that good parents can always “fix” their children’s problems or prevent suffering.
• Questions Selflessness as a Virtue: Kuzmic argues that being “selfless” to the point of self-neglect is unsustainable and unhealthy.
• Rejects Linear Progress: The expectation that healing or growth follows a straight, upward path is shown to be unrealistic.
• Redefines Success: Success is not measured by outward achievements or perfect behavior, but by resilience, connection, and authenticity.

What role do support groups and professional help play in "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic?

• Essential for Healing: Support groups provided both Luka and Kristina with validation, community, and practical tools for coping.
• Professional Guidance: Therapists, psychiatrists, and group leaders like Jacy offered expertise, accountability, and new perspectives.
• No Quick Fixes: The book emphasizes that professional help is vital but not a magic solution; progress is slow and requires ongoing effort.
• Shared Experience: Being around others with similar struggles reduced isolation and shame for both parent and child.

What are the most powerful quotes from "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic and what do they mean?

• “An assumption is a period… Curiosity is a genuine question mark.” – Highlights the importance of approaching your child with openness rather than judgment.
• “Pain and joy can coexist.” – Reminds parents that it’s okay to experience happiness even during hard times.
• “I can’t fix this.” – The central realization that letting go of the need to fix allows for true connection and support.
• “This isn’t about me.” – A mantra for parents to separate their own ego and self-worth from their child’s struggles.

How does Kristina Kuzmic address the topic of self-blame and guilt in "I Can Fix This"?

• Universal Parental Guilt: She describes the overwhelming guilt and self-blame parents feel when their child suffers, questioning every decision and action.
• Rejecting Unhelpful Narratives: Kuzmic learns to say “No, thank you” to picking up unnecessary guilt and judgment.
• Focus on the Child’s Experience: She shifts from self-pity to empathy, recognizing that the child’s pain is the central issue.
• Self-Compassion: The book encourages parents to give themselves grace and recognize the limits of their control.

What is Luka’s perspective, as shared in "I Can Fix This" by Kristina Kuzmic?

• First-Person Account: Luka shares his own experience with depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, describing the physical and emotional toll.
• Isolation and Shame: He explains how he shut out adults, blamed others, and felt unworthy, but also how support groups and open communication helped.
• Importance of Safe Spaces: Luka emphasizes that knowing he could talk to his parents without judgment was crucial for his willingness to seek help.
• Ongoing Journey: He acknowledges that mental health is a lifelong process, and that progress comes from consistent effort, support, and self-acceptance.