15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy

1. Heal and Release the Past to Live Fully Now

The story of your past doesn’t have to become the story of your life.

Past does not equal future. Luminita's childhood was marked by severe abuse and trauma, leading her to believe she was unworthy and doomed to repeat her parents' unhappy life. However, she discovered that clinging to past hurts kept her trapped, like being in a prison cell with the gate open. You have the power to decide that your past does not have to dictate your future.

Acceptance and forgiveness are key. Letting go of the past requires accepting what happened, even the painful parts, and forgiving those who caused hurt, including yourself. This process is difficult but necessary for healing and moving forward. Luminita learned that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, liberating you from the heavy burden of resentment and making room for peace and love.

Find lessons and gratitude. Instead of dwelling on faults, look for the lessons embedded in past experiences, both good and bad. Cultivating gratitude for everything that has happened, even the difficult times, shifts your focus from pain to gain. This alchemical approach transforms wounds into wisdom and difficulties into opportunities, allowing you to appreciate life exactly as it is now.

2. Choose Love Over Fear

You can’t hold on to fear and expect to feel loved.

Fear is an illusion. Luminita's traumatic childhood, including being left at an orphanage, instilled deep fears of abandonment and rejection, causing her to push away those who showed affection. She realized that many fears are psychological, creations of the mind with no real physical threat, unlike instinctual fears. Fear makes you doubt goodness, worth, and even love itself.

Fear vs. Love. There are two fundamental motivating forces: fear and love. All other emotions stem from these two. Fear leads to anxiety, sadness, and judgment, while love brings peace, joy, and forgiveness. You cannot serve both masters; choosing love allows you to open up to life's possibilities and experience true connection.

Tear down walls. To overcome fear, you must dismantle the walls built around your heart to keep pain out, as these also block joy and love. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and fully seen. Infuse love into every aspect of your life – yourself, relationships, work, and experiences – letting love heal your fears and guide you back to your authentic, fearless nature.

3. Cultivate Empowering Beliefs

Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Thoughts shape reality. Growing up in a negative environment led Luminita to develop limiting beliefs about herself and life, such as not being good enough or lovable. These beliefs became self-fulfilling prophecies, attracting experiences that confirmed them, like her father's lack of affection reinforcing her belief she wasn't lovable. Our lives are a result of our thinking and the beliefs we hold.

Change your thoughts, change your life. If you want a better life, you must change the quality of your thoughts and beliefs. Just as limiting beliefs were learned through repetition, empowering beliefs can be created by consciously choosing positive thoughts over negative ones. This process takes time and practice, like walking a path repeatedly to make it deep.

Recognize your inner genius. Everyone is born with unique gifts and potential, a genius that often gets suppressed by negative conditioning and limiting beliefs. By letting go of these limitations, you can tap into your inner power and realize your true worth. Your presence and unique contribution matter to the world, and you were born to thrive, not just survive.

4. Take Responsibility and Find Your Way

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.

Blaming keeps you stuck. Luminita initially blamed her parents and circumstances for her unhappiness and struggles, like dropping out of university. Blaming external factors makes you feel like a powerless victim, giving your power away. It prevents you from changing your situation and perpetuates suffering.

Responsibility empowers. Taking responsibility for your feelings and life circumstances, regardless of past events, is the key to reclaiming your power. While others may have contributed to your pain, it is your responsibility to heal and steer your life in a positive direction. Blame is a waste of time and energy that could be used for healing and building a better future.

Find the way. When you stop making excuses and blaming others, you open yourself up to finding solutions and taking action. Where there is a will, there is always a way. By assessing your excuses, replacing them with positive affirmations, and taking the first step in faith, you align with your true potential and attract the resources needed to create the life you desire.

5. Embrace Change as Growth

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

Resistance causes suffering. Luminita resisted moving to the U.S. with her boyfriend, associating change with the pain and trauma of her childhood. Trying to keep things from changing and clinging to comfort zones, even unhappy ones, causes unnecessary suffering. Life is dynamic, and change is a natural, inevitable process.

Change is opportunity. Life's changes, even when they feel like being forced out of your comfort zone, are opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and aligning with your true path. Resisting change means missing out on life and the chance to become who you are meant to be. Embracing change allows you to move from one state to another, constantly exploring and creating new experiences.

Assume the best. Instead of fearing the unknown and imagining negative outcomes, assume the best and expect wonderful things to happen. Understand that pain comes from stagnating and resisting life's flow, not from change itself. Embrace the process of becoming, knowing that falling down and making mistakes are part of learning how to live and growing into your fullest potential.

6. Shift Your Focus from Complaining to Gratitude

Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day, too.

Complaining drains energy. Luminita's unhappiness in the U.S. led her to constantly complain to her boyfriend, blaming him for her misery. Complaining is a toxic habit that keeps you in dark places, feeding the false idea that external circumstances control your happiness. It drains your energy and pushes people away, as seen when Jason's friends started avoiding him due to his negativity.

Inner state determines perception. How you feel inside determines how you perceive the outside world. If you are unhappy internally, you will find reasons to complain about everything. Conversely, if you are at peace and know your purpose, you are too busy living and enjoying life to complain. Complaining is often rooted in a need for attention, avoiding responsibility, pride, exercising power, or excusing poor performance.

Choose gratitude and action. Recognize the price you pay for complaining – damaged relationships and continued unhappiness. Instead of complaining about what you don't like, either change it or change your attitude towards it. Shift your focus from problems to solutions, from negativity to gratitude. Ask yourself what you love and appreciate, and take steps towards creating a life with less to complain about and more to be thankful for.

7. Practice Compassion and Oneness

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

Criticism reflects inner state. Luminita's constant criticism of her boyfriend and others stemmed from her own unhealed pain and inner turmoil, projecting her suffering onto the world. Criticism and judgment are often reflections of our own denied weaknesses and darkness. The world acts as a mirror, showing us what we need to make peace with within ourselves.

We are all connected. Despite outward differences, at a core level, all human beings are connected and essentially the same, members of one human race. The idea of separation is an illusion created by fear and judgment. Understanding this oneness makes arguing and criticizing others futile, as you are essentially arguing with yourself.

Choose kindness over judgment. Relationships flourish with respect, understanding, and compassion, not criticism. If you have reached a point of spiritual evolution where you understand the futility of judgment, choose kindness instead. Put yourself in others' shoes, seeking to understand their perspective and reasons for their actions. Embrace a compassionate attitude, treating everyone with the love and respect you wish to receive, and heal your own darkness to see the world clearly.

8. Honor Your Authentic Self

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

External validation is a trap. After her blog went viral, Luminita felt pressured to embody the "PurposeFairy" label, suppressing her true feelings to meet external expectations. Trying to live according to others' expectations and seeking external love and approval makes you a prisoner, betraying your own soul and preventing true happiness. This is like putting others ahead of your own inner divinity.

Authenticity brings happiness. True happiness comes from being yourself, authentically and unapologetically, and living life in a way that feels right for you, not others. Honoring your own needs, desires, and intuition is crucial for self-worth and fulfillment. As Vishen Lakhiani's story shows, following your own path, even when others disapprove, can lead to unexpected success and joy.

Set boundaries and be yourself. People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. Learn to say no when needed and set boundaries to honor your integrity. Your value comes from being the unique, precious being you were born to be, not from external factors like possessions, status, or others' approval. Stop trying to impress others and focus on impressing yourself by living with integrity and embracing your unique authenticity.

9. Cultivate a Loving Inner Dialogue

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Toxic self-talk poisons life. Luminita's self-imposed isolation after returning to Romania brought back intense self-defeating self-talk, calling herself a "loser" and "worthless." A toxic internal dialogue has the power to sabotage happiness, relationships, and life, recreating painful experiences. When you believe you are unworthy, you unconsciously act in ways that cause others to treat you poorly, confirming your belief.

Thoughts have creative power. Your thoughts shape your reality and determine your self-esteem, confidence, and sense of worth. Most people have repetitive, negative thoughts daily. To create a better life, you must change the stories you tell yourself. You are what you think, and your life is a result of your thoughts.

Cleanse your mind. Put your mind under a microscope, questioning negative thoughts and noticing the feelings they cause. If thoughts bring fear and discomfort, they are likely illusions. Replace self-defeating thoughts with positive affirmations, choosing thoughts that come from a place of love and encouragement. Spend time in silence through meditation to quiet the mind and connect with your inner wisdom, rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself by treating yourself with kindness, love, and respect.

10. Trust Life's Flow and Your Inner Wisdom

The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over.

Control is an illusion. Luminita's desperate attempts to control her ex-boyfriend's actions after their breakup caused her immense suffering. Trying to control external events, people, and how life unfolds, believing it will bring happiness, actually leads to more chaos and unhappiness. This need for control stems from fear and a lack of trust.

Surrender brings peace. The moment Luminita decided to release control and surrender to life's flow, things began to fall into place, leading her to unexpected opportunities and growth. Life is meant to be lived, not controlled, and people are meant to be loved, not controlled. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up; it means trusting that life knows more than you do and has a wiser plan.

Trust the process. Just as everything needed for growth was provided effortlessly in the womb, life continues to supply what you need when you release worry and trust the process. Develop and listen to your inner wisdom and intuition, your inner GPS. Do your part, like a farmer planting seeds, then step back and allow life to unfold naturally. Let go of rigid expectations and trust that even perceived failures might be leading you to something better.

11. Choose Kindness Over Being Right

The need to be right—the sign of a vulgar mind.

Being right isn't worth the cost. Luminita's arguments with friends and family about her blog stemmed from a need to prove she was right, damaging relationships in the process. Arguing over who is right is a waste of time and energy that causes stress and suffering. It often comes from a place of insecurity, seeking a false sense of superiority.

Relationships over ego. When you know your true worth, you don't need to defend your opinions or prove others wrong. You understand that everyone perceives reality differently. Prioritize your relationships and peace of mind over the need to win arguments. Don't let your ego get in the way of connection and understanding.

Practice understanding. Instead of immediately reacting and trying to convince others they are wrong, seek to understand their point of view with an open mind and heart. Everyone wants to feel understood and valued. Choose kindness over being right, as kindness leads to more happiness and peace. Treat others as you wish to be treated, focusing on appreciation rather than criticism.

Last updated: May 19, 2025