A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex

1. Parents are the primary sex educators, starting from infancy

Sex ed goes way back, even to the time when you began potty-training your daughter.

Ongoing process. Sex education is not a one-time "talk" but an ongoing dialogue throughout childhood. Parents shape their children's views on bodies, relationships, and sexuality from infancy through everyday interactions and modeling. This includes:

• How parents react to nudity, bodily functions, affection
• The language used for body parts
• Attitudes conveyed about gender roles and relationships
• Responses to children's natural curiosity about bodies

By addressing topics naturally as they arise, parents build a foundation of openness and normalize conversations about sexuality. This makes later discussions during puberty and adolescence much easier.

2. Puberty education focuses on physical and emotional changes

The grand coordinator of our children's changing bodies is their pituitary gland, which functions something like a wedding coordinator.

Puberty basics. Educate children on the physical and emotional changes of puberty before they occur. Key topics to cover include:

• Body changes: Growth spurts, body hair, acne, body odor
• Hormonal effects: Mood swings, new emotions and feelings
• Girls: Breast development, menstruation
• Boys: Voice changes, erections, wet dreams

Use simple analogies and visual aids to explain complex processes. For example, compare the pituitary gland to a wedding coordinator orchestrating many changes. Normalize the awkwardness of puberty and reassure children that changes are healthy and expected.

3. Open communication builds trust and prepares kids for adolescence

Your reaction to every question is your kid's ticket to ask the next question.

Create openness. Foster an environment where children feel comfortable asking questions about their bodies and sexuality. This builds trust and ensures you remain their primary source of information. Key strategies:

• Take questions in stride without overreacting
• Use proper terms for body parts from an early age
• Look for teachable moments in everyday life
• Be available to talk, especially during key times like bedtime
• If caught off-guard, promise to revisit the topic later

By establishing open communication during puberty, parents lay the groundwork for guiding their children through adolescence. This allows for discussions on more complex topics like relationships and sexual decision-making.

4. Address hygiene, body image, and modesty during puberty

Listening to your skin means slowing down enough to test one product over a twenty-four-hour period.

Practical puberty skills. Help children develop good hygiene habits and a healthy body image during puberty. Key areas to address:

• Skin care: Proper face washing, acne treatment
• Hair care: Shampooing, new hairstyles
• Body odor: Deodorant use, showering regularly
• Choosing and using hygiene products
• Modest and age-appropriate clothing choices

Teach children to "listen to their skin" by paying attention to how products affect them. Address body image concerns with empathy, focusing on health rather than appearance. Help children understand and respect their changing bodies.

5. Teach accurate anatomy and biology before discussing intercourse

Focus on biology. When kids think about birth, they don't imagine that women go through agonizing hours of contractions or even occasionally rip and require episiotomies. They just think about what they know: the mystique and wonder of a beautiful baby coming out.

Biology basics first. Provide accurate information about reproductive anatomy and the biology of conception before discussing sexual intercourse. Use age-appropriate language and visual aids. Key topics:

• Male and female reproductive organs and their functions
• The basics of conception: sperm meets egg
• Fetal development and birth

Keep the focus on factual information rather than emotional or moral aspects at this stage. This gives children a foundation to understand more complex topics later. Recognize that young children often lack context for sexual information, so avoid overwhelming them with graphic details.

6. Frame sex as sacred within marriage, not just abstinence

We need to explain to our kids that sex was God's idea. He thought it up, he created it, and then he designed our bodies to experience it.

Positive perspective. Present sex as a beautiful gift from God, designed for marriage, rather than simply telling kids to abstain. Key points to emphasize:

• Sex is good and pleasurable when experienced as God intended
• Intimacy in marriage goes beyond physical acts
• Waiting for marriage allows for the best sexual experience
• God's design for sex protects us from emotional and physical harm

Use analogies like "Wonka sex" to illustrate the specialness of marital intimacy. Teach children to value their sexuality and make decisions aligned with their beliefs and long-term goals.

7. Combat cultural lies about sex with truth and wisdom

The best way to combat lies is with the truth.

Cultural awareness. Equip children to critically evaluate cultural messages about sex and relationships. Address common misconceptions:

• "Everyone is doing it" - Statistics often misrepresent reality
• "Sex is always amazing" - Teen sex is often disappointing and regretful
• "Condoms make sex safe" - STIs and pregnancy are still risks
• "Oral sex isn't really sex" - All intimate acts have consequences

Provide factual information and help children understand the potential physical, emotional, and relational consequences of sexual activity. Encourage them to think critically about media portrayals of sex and relationships.

8. Model healthy sexuality and relationships as parents

It's healthy for kids to know that their parents enjoy sexual intimacy.

Parents as models. Children learn about relationships and sexuality by observing their parents. Model healthy attitudes and behaviors:

• Show appropriate affection with your spouse
• Demonstrate respect and equality in your relationship
• Talk positively about sex within marriage
• Address conflicts in mature, constructive ways
• Set appropriate boundaries around privacy

While explicit displays are inappropriate, don't shy away from showing your children that marriage includes a loving, intimate relationship. This gives them a positive model to aspire to in their own future relationships.

Last updated: October 10, 2024