Bisexual Men Exist

1. Monosexism and phallocentrism create barriers for m-spec men

Society creates a false dichotomy that sexuality is either straight or gay, removing the idea of attraction as a spectrum that can present itself in ways outside this.

Structural biases. Monosexism, the privileging of monosexual identities, and phallocentrism, the focus on male genitalia in defining sexuality, create a binary view of sexuality that erases m-spec identities. This leads to:

• Lack of representation in media and education
• Assumptions that m-spec men are "confused" or "in denial"
• Pressure to "pick a side" or identify as gay

Internalized struggles. These societal structures often cause m-spec men to:

• Question the validity of their attractions
• Feel isolated and misunderstood
• Struggle to find language to describe their experiences

2. Coming out as m-spec is fraught with unique challenges

Only 14 per cent of bisexual men are out to everyone in their family, while 46 per cent are out to no one.

Double stigma. M-spec men face rejection from both heterosexual and LGBTQIA+ communities, leading to:

• Fear of losing support systems
• Anxiety about being seen as "greedy" or "untrustworthy"
• Reluctance to disclose their identity, even in LGBTQIA+ spaces

Cultural factors. Coming out can be especially challenging for m-spec men who are:

• From religious backgrounds
• Part of cultures with rigid gender norms
• Dealing with intersecting marginalized identities

3. Dating and relationships are complex for m-spec men

81 per cent of women said that they would not date a bisexual man.

Stereotypes and rejection. M-spec men often face:

• Assumptions of promiscuity or inability to commit
• Rejection from potential partners of all genders
• Pressure to "prove" their attraction or identity

Navigating disclosure. In relationships, m-spec men must consider:

• When and how to disclose their identity to partners
• Dealing with partners' insecurities or misconceptions
• Balancing authenticity with safety and acceptance

4. M-spec men face heightened mental and sexual health risks

59 per cent of bi people reported experiencing depression compared to 46 per cent of gay/lesbian people.

Mental health disparities. M-spec men experience higher rates of:

• Depression and anxiety
• Self-harm and suicidal ideation
• Substance abuse

Sexual health challenges. M-spec men face unique barriers in sexual health:

• Stigma around HIV and STIs
• Lack of targeted health education and resources
• Difficulty accessing inclusive healthcare

5. Intersectionality compounds challenges for m-spec individuals

The experiences that these women have are obviously personal to them, reporting on this in such a manner can lend credence to the idea that m-spec men are better at sex.

Multiple marginalized identities. M-spec individuals who are also:

• People of color
• Transgender or non-binary
• Asexual or aromantic
  Face compounded discrimination and unique challenges in both m-spec and other communities.

Lack of representation. Intersectional m-spec identities are often:

• Erased or ignored in broader LGBTQIA+ narratives
• Underrepresented in research and resources
• Struggling to find spaces that fully embrace all aspects of their identity

6. The LGBTQIA+ community often fails to fully include m-spec men

18 per cent of bisexual men experienced discrimination in their local LGBT community because of their sexual orientation, compared to just 4 per cent of gay men.

Exclusion and erasure. M-spec men often experience:

• Skepticism about the validity of their identity
• Pressure to "pick a side" or identify as gay
• Exclusion from LGBTQIA+ spaces and events

Lack of resources. Within LGBTQIA+ organizations:

• M-spec specific programming is often lacking
• Funding rarely reaches m-spec focused initiatives
• M-spec voices are underrepresented in leadership and decision-making

7. M-spec activism struggles with funding and recognition

The total amount given from foundations for bi-specific grants in 2009 and 2010 (the last two years of available data) was $0.

Financial challenges. M-spec organizations face:

• Lack of dedicated funding streams
• Difficulty competing with larger LGBTQIA+ organizations
• Reliance on volunteer labor and personal funds

Visibility issues. M-spec activism struggles with:

• Limited media coverage of m-spec issues
• Difficulty accessing mainstream LGBTQIA+ platforms
• Burnout among activists due to constant erasure and invalidation

8. Pride in m-spec identity requires overcoming societal and internalized biases

If it is safe for you to do so, I recommend grabbing these m-spec labels by the horns and making them part of your identity. Talk about it. Connect with people over it. Wave that flag loud and proud.

Self-acceptance journey. Developing pride in an m-spec identity often involves:

• Unlearning internalized monosexism and biphobia
• Connecting with other m-spec individuals and communities
• Educating oneself about m-spec history and experiences

Activism and visibility. Proud m-spec individuals can:

• Share their stories to increase representation
• Challenge misconceptions and stereotypes
• Support and uplift other m-spec people in their journeys

Last updated: November 23, 2024