She Comes First

1. The Importance of Female Orgasm: Prioritize Her Pleasure

"She Comes First offers men and women a surefire "bird in the hand" approach to good sex, as opposed to the high-stakes "all or nothing" proposition of intercourse."

Shift in paradigm. The book advocates for a fundamental change in approach to sexual intimacy, emphasizing the importance of female satisfaction. This shift is not just about equality, but about enhancing the overall sexual experience for both partners.

Benefits of prioritizing her pleasure:

• Increased sexual satisfaction for both partners
• Improved communication and intimacy
• Reduced performance anxiety for men
• Enhanced overall relationship quality

By focusing on her orgasm first, couples can create a more relaxed, enjoyable, and mutually satisfying sexual experience.

2. Understanding Female Anatomy: The Clitoral Network

"The clitoris has over eighteen parts, both visible and hidden, that participate in the production of pleasure."

Comprehensive anatomy lesson. The book provides a detailed exploration of female genital anatomy, emphasizing that the clitoris is far more than just a small, visible nub. Understanding this complex network is crucial for providing effective stimulation.

Key components of the clitoral network:

• Glans (visible head)
• Shaft
• Crura (legs)
• Bulbs
• Vestibular bulbs
• Urethral sponge (G-spot)

This knowledge allows for a more holistic approach to stimulation, targeting multiple areas simultaneously for maximum pleasure.

3. The Art of Foreplay: Building Anticipation and Arousal

"Anticipation: Create a strong sense of expectation. A little goes a long way: a hot, hushed phone call from work, a furtive whisper over dinner, a glancing touch on the nape of the neck."

Importance of mental arousal. Foreplay is not just about physical stimulation; it's about creating an atmosphere of desire and anticipation. This mental arousal is crucial for women's sexual response.

Effective foreplay techniques:

• Sensual touches and caresses
• Passionate kissing
• Verbal expressions of desire
• Creating a relaxing environment
• Gradually building intensity

Foreplay should be seen as an essential part of the sexual experience, not just a prelude to intercourse.

4. Mastering Oral Techniques: A Step-by-Step Guide

"Cunnilingus is all about the balance between movement and stillness, the counterpoint of action and reaction."

Rhythm and variation. The book provides a comprehensive guide to oral sex techniques, emphasizing the importance of alternating between different types of stimulation. This variety prevents desensitization and builds arousal.

Key techniques:

• Gentle, broad tongue strokes
• Focused clitoral stimulation
• Sucking and nibbling
• Use of fingers for internal stimulation
• Varying pressure and speed

The goal is to create a symphony of sensations, gradually building towards orgasm while remaining attentive to her responses.

5. Communication and Feedback: Keys to Sexual Satisfaction

"Keep all channels open throughout the process, verbal and physical; maintain a persistent feedback loop of stimulation and response."

Open dialogue. Effective communication is crucial for sexual satisfaction. This involves both verbal and non-verbal cues, before, during, and after sexual activity.

Ways to improve sexual communication:

• Discuss preferences and boundaries
• Provide guidance during intimate moments
• Express appreciation for what feels good
• Be open to feedback and adjust accordingly
• Regularly check in about sexual satisfaction

By fostering open communication, couples can continually improve their sexual experiences and deepen their intimacy.

6. Overcoming Common Challenges: From Anxiety to Hygiene

"Squeamishness regarding genital hygiene is the number one reservation that men level against cunnilingus, and is also a source of anxiety for women who worry that their partners may be wary."

Addressing concerns. The book tackles common issues that can hinder enjoyment of oral sex, providing practical solutions and reassurance.

Common challenges and solutions:

• Hygiene: Incorporate showering into foreplay
• Taste/smell: Understand natural variations; address medical issues if necessary
• Performance anxiety: Focus on pleasure, not goals
• Lack of experience: Practice and communicate openly
• Discomfort with receiving: Build trust and take it slow

By addressing these concerns openly, couples can overcome barriers to enjoyment and intimacy.

7. Beyond Orgasm: Nurturing Intimacy and Connection

"When she comes first, she comes forever."

Holistic approach to sex. While the book focuses on techniques for female orgasm, it ultimately advocates for a deeper, more connected sexual experience that goes beyond physical pleasure.

Ways to enhance intimacy:

• Practice mindfulness during sexual activities
• Express vulnerability and trust
• Engage in aftercare and cuddling
• Regularly express appreciation and affection
• Explore emotional as well as physical intimacy

By viewing sex as an expression of intimacy and connection, couples can create more fulfilling and lasting relationships.

Last updated: September 30, 2024