Dare to Lead

1. Embrace vulnerability to cultivate courage and connection

Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome.

Vulnerability is strength. Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability is not weakness, but the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. It requires us to expose ourselves to potential emotional risks, uncertainties, and failures. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to more authentic connections and experiences.

Courage is born from vulnerability. When we choose to be vulnerable, we are choosing courage over comfort. This choice allows us to:

• Build deeper relationships
• Foster innovation and creativity
• Develop greater self-awareness
• Increase our resilience in the face of failure

To practice vulnerability:

• Share your struggles and fears with trusted colleagues
• Admit when you don't have all the answers
• Take calculated risks in your work and personal life
• Ask for help when you need it

2. Practice empathy and self-compassion to build shame resilience

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That's why it loves perfectionists—it's so easy to keep us quiet.

Shame thrives in silence. Shame is a universal human experience that can deeply impact our personal and professional lives. It's the intensely painful feeling that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. By recognizing and speaking about shame, we begin to dismantle its power over us.

Empathy and self-compassion are antidotes to shame. To build shame resilience:

1. Recognize shame and its triggers
2. Practice critical awareness
3. Reach out to others
4. Speak about shame

Empathy involves:

• Taking others' perspectives
• Staying out of judgment
• Recognizing emotion in others
• Communicating your understanding

Self-compassion requires:

• Self-kindness instead of self-judgment
• Recognizing our common humanity
• Mindfulness rather than over-identification with our thoughts

3. Live into your values by translating them into specific behaviors

If we want people to fully show up, to bring their whole selves including their unarmored, whole hearts—so that we can innovate, solve problems, and serve people—we have to be vigilant about creating a culture in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.

Values guide decision-making. Identifying and living into our values provides a North Star for navigating difficult situations and making tough choices. However, simply stating values is not enough; we must operationalize them into specific, observable behaviors.

To live into your values:

1. Identify your two core values
2. Define 3-4 behaviors that support each value
3. Recognize "slippery" behaviors that don't align with your values
4. Practice self-compassion when you fall short

Examples of operationalized values:

• Value: Courage
  • Behavior: Speak up in meetings, even when my opinion differs
  • Behavior: Take calculated risks on innovative projects
• Value: Integrity
  • Behavior: Follow through on commitments, even when inconvenient
  • Behavior: Admit mistakes and take responsibility for outcomes

4. Build trust through consistent, small actions over time

Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy both.

Trust is built in small moments. Trust is not established through grand gestures or a single event. Instead, it's cultivated through consistent, small actions that demonstrate reliability, accountability, and integrity. These "trust deposits" accumulate over time, creating a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

The BRAVING inventory for building trust:

• Boundaries: Respect and ask for boundaries
• Reliability: Do what you say you'll do
• Accountability: Own your mistakes and make amends
• Vault: Keep confidences
• Integrity: Choose courage over comfort
• Non-judgment: Ask for what you need without judgment
• Generosity: Extend the most generous interpretation to others' intentions

To build trust:

• Be consistent in your words and actions
• Communicate openly and honestly
• Follow through on commitments
• Respect others' boundaries and maintain your own
• Demonstrate vulnerability by admitting mistakes and asking for help

5. Learn to give and receive productive feedback

If you're not willing to give and receive feedback, you're not ready to lead.

Feedback is essential for growth. Effective leaders must be skilled in both giving and receiving feedback. This requires creating a culture of psychological safety where honest conversations can take place without fear of retribution or judgment.

Guidelines for giving feedback:

• Be specific and focus on behaviors, not character
• Offer feedback in a timely manner
• Balance positive and constructive feedback
• Use "I" statements to express your observations
• Provide actionable suggestions for improvement

To receive feedback effectively:

• Listen actively without becoming defensive
• Ask clarifying questions to understand fully
• Thank the person for their feedback
• Reflect on the feedback before responding
• Decide what actions, if any, you'll take based on the feedback

Creating a feedback-rich culture:

• Model vulnerability by asking for feedback yourself
• Recognize and reward those who give and receive feedback well
• Make feedback a regular part of team interactions, not just annual reviews
• Provide training on effective feedback techniques

6. Develop resilience by teaching "rising skills" proactively

We can't expect people to be brave and risk failure if they're not prepped for hard landings.

Resilience is a learned skill. The ability to bounce back from setbacks and failures is not innate; it can and should be taught. By proactively developing "rising skills," individuals and organizations can create a culture that embraces risk-taking and innovation.

Key components of resilience:

1. The Reckoning: Recognizing emotions and getting curious about them
2. The Rumble: Owning our stories and challenging our assumptions
3. The Revolution: Writing a new ending and changing how we engage with the world

To develop rising skills:

• Practice emotional awareness and regulation
• Cultivate a growth mindset that views failures as learning opportunities
• Develop problem-solving and critical thinking skills
• Build strong support networks
• Encourage reflection and meaning-making after setbacks

Organizations can support resilience by:

• Incorporating rising skills training into onboarding and professional development
• Creating safe spaces for employees to discuss failures and learn from them
• Recognizing and rewarding efforts and learning, not just outcomes
• Modeling resilience at the leadership level

7. Recognize and challenge the stories we tell ourselves

The story I'm telling myself...

Our stories shape our reality. In the absence of complete information, our brains naturally create stories to make sense of situations. These stories, often based on past experiences and fears, can significantly impact our behaviors and decisions. By recognizing and challenging these narratives, we can make more informed choices and respond more effectively to challenges.

Steps to challenge your stories:

1. Recognize when you're emotionally hooked by a situation
2. Get curious about your emotional reaction
3. Identify the story you're telling yourself
4. Challenge the assumptions in your story
5. Gather more information if needed
6. Rewrite the story based on a more balanced perspective

Common story themes to watch for:

• Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst possible outcome
• Mind-reading: Believing you know what others are thinking
• Personalizing: Taking things personally that may not be about you
• Overgeneralizing: Making broad conclusions based on a single event

By practicing this process, we can:

• Reduce misunderstandings and conflicts
• Make more rational decisions
• Improve our relationships and communication
• Increase our emotional intelligence and self-awareness

Last updated: August 8, 2024