Every Man's Battle

1. Recognize and confront sexual impurity in your life

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality; or of any kind of impurity" (Ephesians 5:3).

Sexual impurity is pervasive. Many Christian men struggle with various forms of sexual sin, including lustful thoughts, pornography use, and inappropriate relationships. This impurity often goes unaddressed due to shame or denial. However, God's standard is clear: there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives.

Recognizing the problem is crucial. Signs of sexual impurity may include:

• Difficulty controlling wandering eyes
• Frequent sexual fantasies about people other than your spouse
• Seeking out sexually arousing content in media
• Masturbating while thinking of others
• Flirting or developing emotional attachments outside marriage

Confronting these issues requires honesty with yourself, God, and potentially a trusted accountability partner or counselor. Remember, you're not alone in this struggle, and there is hope for change through God's grace and practical strategies.

2. Understand the roots of sexual temptation and addiction

"Addictive sex is secretive. In effect, sex addicts develop a double life, practicing masturbation, going to porn shops and massage parlors, all the while hiding what they're doing from others--and in a sense, even from themselves."

Sexual temptation is multifaceted. It stems from a combination of factors:

• Biological: The male sex drive and visual orientation
• Psychological: Seeking comfort, escape, or validation
• Spiritual: Rebellion against God's design for sexuality
• Cultural: Constant exposure to sexualized media and attitudes

Addiction vs. habit. For most men, sexual impurity is more of a habit than a full-blown addiction. This is good news, as habits can be changed with consistent effort and the right strategies. However, some men may develop addictive patterns that require professional help.

Understanding these roots helps in developing targeted strategies for overcoming temptation. It's important to address all aspects – physical, mental, and spiritual – to achieve lasting victory over sexual impurity.

3. Commit to God's standard of sexual purity, not just excellence

"We want to shoot for the fixed standard."

God's standard is absolute. Many Christians settle for a standard of "excellence" in sexual purity, which allows for compromise. However, God calls us to complete purity, with no hint of sexual immorality.

This commitment requires:

• Rejecting cultural norms that tolerate "minor" impurities
• Being willing to make sacrifices for the sake of purity
• Trusting that God's way leads to greater fulfillment

Making this commitment is a crucial step. It means deciding that you will pursue God's standard of purity regardless of how you feel or what others around you are doing. This commitment becomes the foundation for implementing practical strategies to achieve and maintain sexual integrity.

4. Develop strategies to control your eyes and avoid visual temptations

"You can win this battle by training your eyes to 'bounce' away from sights of pretty women and sensual images. If you 'bounce your eyes' for six weeks, you can win this war."

Train your eyes to bounce. This technique involves immediately looking away from any potentially tempting visual stimuli. With practice, this can become an automatic reflex.

Practical steps:

• Identify your visual weak spots (e.g., billboards, joggers, certain TV shows)
• Develop specific strategies for each weak spot
• Practice bouncing your eyes consistently for at least six weeks

Starve your eyes of sexual imagery outside of your marriage. This includes:

• Avoiding sexually explicit media
• Being careful with social media usage
• Removing or covering tempting images in your environment

By controlling what you allow your eyes to linger on, you can significantly reduce the fuel for sexual temptation in your mind.

5. Train your mind to reject impure thoughts and attractions

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Your mind is a battleground. Impure thoughts and attractions will come, but you have the power to reject them. This requires active effort and practice.

Strategies for mental purity:

• Use a "sword" verse to combat tempting thoughts (e.g., "I have made a covenant with my eyes" - Job 31:1)
• Employ a "shield" verse to remind yourself of your commitment (e.g., 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
• Immediately redirect your thoughts when temptation arises
• Fill your mind with positive, godly content

Process attractions properly. For "live" attractions (people you interact with):

• Recognize the threat to your marriage
• Remind yourself you have no right to pursue these thoughts
• Avoid unnecessary interactions that could fuel attraction
• Starve the attractions by not dwelling on them

With consistent practice, your mind will begin to automatically reject impure thoughts and redirect to wholesome ones.

6. Cherish your wife unconditionally as your "ewe lamb"

"As Bathsheba was precious to Uriah, your wife is your precious one, your only one. She lives with you and lies in your arms. She's to be cherished, not because of what she does for you, but because of her essence, her value to God as a child born in His image."

Shift your perspective. View your wife as a precious gift entrusted to you by God, regardless of her actions or your feelings at any given moment.

Ways to cherish your wife:

• Appreciate her unique qualities and contributions
• Protect her emotionally and physically
• Prioritize her needs and desires
• Speak words of affirmation and love regularly
• Invest time and effort in nurturing your relationship

Remember that cherishing is an action, not just a feeling. By consistently treating your wife with tenderness and honor, you create an environment where love can thrive and grow deeper over time.

7. Honor your marriage vows and carry them with dignity

"Carry the honor nobly!"

Your vows are sacred. They represent a commitment not just to your wife, but to God and to the watching world. Honoring these vows means:

• Being faithful in thought and deed
• Sacrificing personal desires for the good of the marriage
• Continually working to strengthen your relationship

Leave a legacy. Your faithfulness impacts not just your marriage, but future generations. Consider:

• The example you're setting for your children
• The witness you're providing to your community
• The spiritual heritage you're building

By carrying the honor of your marriage vows with dignity, you reflect Christ's love for the church and participate in God's plan for human relationships. This commitment, when lived out consistently, can transform your marriage and inspire others to pursue God's design for sexuality and marriage.

Last updated: November 19, 2024