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Hey, Hun

Hey, Hun

Sales, Sisterhood, Supremacy, and the Other Lies Behind Multilevel Marketing
by Emily Lynn Paulson 2023 384 pages
3.61
11k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. MLMs exploit women's vulnerabilities and desires for community

"Because what I learned during my time at one of the biggest MLMs in the world is that it wasn't just a way for stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) to earn money, it was actually a way for women to exploit other women, demanding that they be remade in their (well-filtered) image."

Targeting vulnerabilities. MLMs prey on women's insecurities, loneliness, and desire for financial independence. They offer a sense of belonging and purpose, particularly appealing to stay-at-home moms feeling isolated or unfulfilled. The promise of flexible work hours, financial freedom, and a supportive sisterhood is alluring but often misleading.

False empowerment. While MLMs claim to empower women, they often reinforce traditional gender roles and exploit the unpaid labor of motherhood. The rhetoric of "being your own boss" and "building your empire" masks the reality of financial dependence on recruiting others. This system creates a cycle of exploitation where women are both victims and perpetrators.

Conditional friendships. The community aspect of MLMs is a powerful draw, but these relationships are often conditional on continued participation and success within the company. Many women find that their MLM "sisters" quickly disappear if they question the business model or decide to leave, revealing the transactional nature of these connections.

2. The "free car" and other incentives are deceptive marketing tactics

"The FREE car we were just talking about? The one I could have just gone into any Mercedes dealership on the planet to lease? It's already cost me $9,000 more the Rejuvinat way."

Hidden costs. MLMs use flashy incentives like "free" cars to attract and retain members. However, these rewards often come with strings attached and hidden costs. The car isn't truly free; it's a lease that consultants must qualify for each month by maintaining high sales volumes.

Financial burden. To maintain these incentives, consultants often end up spending more money on products, events, and marketing materials than they earn. This creates a cycle of debt and financial stress, contrary to the promised financial freedom.

Psychological manipulation. These incentives serve as powerful psychological tools:

  • Create a sense of achievement and status
  • Foster competition among consultants
  • Provide visible "proof" of success to attract new recruits
  • Keep consultants invested in the company, even when losing money

3. MLM success often comes at the expense of ethics and relationships

"It is no question that MLMs were excited about the pandemic."

Ethical compromises. As consultants climb the ranks in MLMs, they often find themselves making increasingly questionable ethical decisions. This includes:

  • Pressuring friends and family to buy products or join the business
  • Misrepresenting the potential for success to new recruits
  • Ignoring or downplaying the financial struggles of their downline
  • Exploiting crises like the COVID-19 pandemic for profit

Strained relationships. The constant pressure to sell and recruit takes a toll on personal relationships. Many MLM participants find themselves:

  • Alienating friends and family with persistent sales pitches
  • Viewing every social interaction as a potential business opportunity
  • Losing touch with non-MLM acquaintances
  • Experiencing tension in their marriages due to financial stress or time commitment to the MLM

Loss of authenticity. The drive for success in MLMs often leads to a loss of personal authenticity. Consultants may find themselves adopting personas and behaviors that don't align with their true selves, all in service of the business.

4. Personal development in MLMs is a tool for indoctrination

"These gurus sell white supremacy, nothing more. It has nothing to do with greatness or improving society; it's all about getting caught up in the hamster wheel that is late-stage capitalism."

Toxic positivity. MLMs heavily emphasize personal development and positive thinking. While self-improvement can be beneficial, in MLMs it often becomes a tool for:

  • Silencing doubts and criticism
  • Blaming failures on the individual's mindset rather than the flawed business model
  • Encouraging constant consumption of motivational material

Cult-like tactics. The personal development aspect of MLMs often employs cult-like tactics:

  • Love bombing: Showering new recruits with attention and praise
  • Information control: Discouraging critical thinking or outside research
  • Us vs. Them mentality: Framing critics as "haters" or unsuccessful people

Financial exploitation. Personal development in MLMs is often another revenue stream:

  • Expensive seminars and conferences
  • Branded books and motivational materials
  • Coaching sessions with upline members

5. MLMs perpetuate white supremacy and lack genuine diversity

"There is zero regard for intersectional feminism within these faux empowerment messages. Race, sexual orientation, economics, and many other factors influence our lives, yet they are absent in the MLM space."

Homogeneous demographics. Despite claims of inclusivity, most MLMs primarily cater to and are populated by white, middle-class women. This lack of diversity is evident in:

  • Marketing materials and product lines
  • Leadership structures
  • Company events and conventions

Reinforcing privilege. The MLM model often reinforces existing socioeconomic inequalities:

  • Success is more likely for those with extensive social networks and disposable income
  • Products and marketing often promote Western beauty standards
  • The rhetoric of "if I can do it, anyone can" ignores systemic barriers faced by marginalized groups

Cultural appropriation. Many MLMs engage in cultural appropriation, using superficial diversity for marketing purposes without addressing deeper issues of representation and equity.

6. Social media fuels MLM growth but masks the reality of failure

"It's a cult of suburban moms who were catapulted into guru status (such as, ahem, rhymes with Hachel Rollis), all because they knew how to use a filter and parrot personal development clichés."

Curated reality. Social media allows MLM participants to present a carefully curated image of success:

  • Glamorous lifestyle photos
  • Inspiring quotes and success stories
  • Before-and-after product testimonials

This selective presentation masks the financial struggles and ethical compromises many consultants face.

FOMO and comparison. The constant stream of "success" stories on social media creates:

  • Fear of missing out (FOMO) among potential recruits
  • Pressure to maintain a facade of success for existing consultants
  • Unrealistic expectations about the MLM lifestyle

Algorithmic echo chambers. Social media algorithms create echo chambers that reinforce MLM messaging and make it difficult for participants to encounter critical perspectives.

7. Leaving an MLM is difficult but necessary for personal growth

"I decide at that point I will have to terminate my consultant agreement myself, or the company will do it. And it won't be much longer."

Psychological barriers. Leaving an MLM can be psychologically challenging due to:

  • Sunk cost fallacy: Feeling invested after spending time and money
  • Fear of failure or admitting mistake
  • Loss of identity tied to the MLM role
  • Fear of losing MLM-based friendships

Financial considerations. The decision to leave often involves complex financial considerations:

  • Potential loss of income, even if minimal
  • Dealing with unsold inventory
  • Repaying debts incurred during MLM participation

Personal growth. Despite the challenges, leaving an MLM can lead to significant personal growth:

  • Reconnecting with authentic self and values
  • Rebuilding non-MLM relationships
  • Developing genuine business or career skills
  • Financial literacy and responsible money management

8. MLMs thrive on crisis, exploiting economic downturns and pandemics

"MLM reps use these times to boldly push and target the most vulnerable people they can find—and this time around, it only escalated."

Opportunistic recruitment. MLMs often see economic crises as recruitment opportunities:

  • Targeting those who have lost jobs or face financial insecurity
  • Presenting the MLM as a "recession-proof" business opportunity
  • Exploiting fears about traditional employment stability

Misinformation and false promises. During crises like the COVID-19 pandemic, many MLMs engaged in:

  • Spreading misinformation about their products' health benefits
  • Making exaggerated claims about income potential during economic downturns
  • Encouraging consultants to use relief funds (e.g., stimulus checks) to invest in the business

Lack of ethical considerations. The drive for profit often overshadows ethical concerns:

  • Pressuring consultants to continue selling during challenging times
  • Ignoring the financial hardships faced by their own members
  • Capitalizing on fear and uncertainty to drive sales and recruitment

9. The financial reality of MLMs: Most lose money, few profit significantly

"It is reported by most sources that between 96 and 99.7 percent of people who buy into MLM schemes lose money. The odds of turning a profit in any MLM are lower than the odds of winning roulette."

Statistical reality. The vast majority of MLM participants lose money or make minimal profit:

  • Only a tiny fraction (often less than 1%) make significant income
  • Many consultants spend more on products and business expenses than they earn
  • The business model mathematically guarantees that most participants will not succeed

Hidden costs. MLM participants often underestimate or overlook various costs:

  • Required product purchases
  • Marketing materials and website fees
  • Travel and event attendance
  • Training and personal development resources

Income disclosure deception. While MLMs are required to provide income disclosure statements, these often:

  • Exclude important information like business expenses
  • Focus on top earners rather than average participants
  • Use confusing language or formatting to obscure the reality of low earnings

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.61 out of 5
Average of 11k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Hey, Hun receives mixed reviews, with readers divided on its portrayal of MLMs and the author's perspective. Some praise its insights into MLM culture and tactics, while others criticize the author's privilege and perceived lack of self-awareness. The book's discussion of white supremacy and politics is seen as superficial by some. Readers appreciate the personal anecdotes but find the narrative repetitive and overly long. Many question the author's motives and criticize her new business venture as potentially exploitative.

Your rating:

About the Author

Emily Lynn Paulson is an author, speaker, and founder of Sober Mom Squad. She has written two books, including Hey Hun, and delivered two TEDx talks focusing on parenting, alcohol use, and feminism. Paulson's work has been featured in major publications and media outlets, including the Today Show, New York Times, and Washington Post. Her personal experiences with MLMs and sobriety inform her writing and speaking engagements. She challenges conventional perspectives on parenting and women's roles in society. Paulson resides in Central Oregon with her husband and their five children, balancing her career as an author and public figure with family life.

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