I Didn't Know I Needed This

1. Embrace Singlehood: A Time for Self-Discovery and Growth

There’s no one way to be single.

Singlehood as a destination. Being single isn't a waiting room for a relationship; it's a valuable phase for self-discovery and personal growth. Embrace the freedom to explore your interests, date intentionally, and prioritize your well-being without the constraints of a partnership.

Self-love is key. Use this time to cultivate self-love and validation from within, rather than seeking it from external sources. Challenge yourself to enjoy your own company, pursue your passions, and redefine success on your own terms.

Girl Boss Bucket List. Create a "Girl Boss Bucket List" of activities and experiences you want to pursue while single. This could include traveling, taking classes, trying new hobbies, or simply spending quality time with friends and family.

2. Dating Apps: Tools for Connection, Not Validation

The dating apps weren’t even about the boys messaging me and swiping right—they were about winning.

Dating apps as a gamble. Approach dating apps with a playful mindset, recognizing that they are tools for connection, not sources of validation. Manage your expectations, keep the stakes low, and remember that the goal is to meet new people and explore potential connections.

Craft an authentic profile. Create a profile that reflects your true personality and interests, showcasing your unique qualities and values. Use prompts to spark conversation and make it easy for others to connect with you.

Prioritize in-person connection. Move conversations off the app and into real life as quickly as possible. Aim to set up a date within 48 hours of connecting to avoid becoming pen pals.

3. Flirting: A Playful Art of Expressing Interest

The cardinal rule of flirting: it is supposed to be fun.

Flirting as a low-stakes game. Flirting should be enjoyable and lighthearted, not anxiety-inducing. Approach it with confidence and a sense of playfulness, remembering that rejection is simply redirection.

Master the art of nonverbal communication. Use eye contact, subtle touches, and compliments to signal your interest and gauge the other person's response. Pay attention to their body language and cues to ensure they are comfortable and receptive.

Different types of flirting. Understand the different types of flirting, from immature flirting for casual encounters to mature flirting for building deeper connections. Adapt your approach based on your intentions and the other person's signals.

4. Casual Encounters: Know Yourself and Your Boundaries

Casual hookups and sex and flings were incongruous with the formalities that had governed my former life.

Casual doesn't have to mean meaningless. If you choose to engage in casual encounters, do so intentionally and with clear boundaries. Ensure that you are comfortable with the level of emotional involvement and that your needs are being met.

The importance of self-awareness. Understand your own preferences and boundaries when it comes to sex and relationships. Don't force yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable or that go against your values.

Playing games. Be aware of the games people play in casual relationships, such as playing hard to get or manipulating emotions. Protect yourself by staying grounded in your own values and not allowing others to dictate your worth.

5. First Dates: Opportunities for Genuine Connection

A first date is just as much about you as it is the other person.

First dates as a two-way street. Approach first dates as opportunities to get to know someone and assess their compatibility with your values and goals. Remember that it's just as important for you to like them as it is for them to like you.

Authenticity is key. Be yourself on a first date, showcasing your personality and interests without trying to impress or conform to expectations. Share your passions, tell stories, and be open to learning about the other person.

Safety first. Prioritize your safety by meeting in public places, sharing your location with friends, and trusting your instincts. If something feels off, don't hesitate to leave.

6. Relationships: Building a Life Together, Not Completing One

The journey to self-love is lengthy and often difficult and it plants little seeds inside of you along the way.

Relationships as additions, not completions. Enter relationships with the understanding that they are meant to enhance your life, not complete it. Maintain your individuality, pursue your passions, and nurture your friendships outside of the relationship.

Communication is essential. Establish open and honest communication with your partner, creating a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Discuss your expectations, boundaries, and goals for the relationship.

The honeymoon phase will end. Be prepared for the honeymoon phase to fade and for challenges to arise. Focus on building a strong foundation of trust, respect, and communication to navigate these challenges together.

7. Heartbreak: A Catalyst for Self-Love and Resilience

I love more than anyone could ever return to me and I know that to be true.

Heartbreak is inevitable. Accept that heartbreak is a part of life and that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or lost. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and process your emotions in a healthy way.

Time heals all wounds. Remember that time is a powerful healer. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to heal and move forward at your own pace.

Focus on self-care. Prioritize self-care during this time, engaging in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and seek professional help if needed.

8. Friend Love: Cherish Your Platonic Soulmates

Platonic love, especially when it comes to female friendship, is a currency akin to gold.

Friendships as soulmate connections. Recognize the importance of platonic friendships and cherish your friends as soulmates. Nurture these relationships with intention, making time for quality interactions and showing your appreciation.

Friendship breakups are real. Acknowledge that friendship breakups can be just as painful as romantic breakups. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the friendship and process your emotions in a healthy way.

Be a good friend. Strive to be a supportive, reliable, and trustworthy friend. Communicate openly, respect boundaries, and celebrate each other's successes.

Last updated: April 14, 2025