I Love Me More

1. Self-Love: The Foundation for a Fulfilling Life

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

Defining self-love. Self-love isn't an innate trait but a skill cultivated through consistent effort. It's a daily choice that often goes against societal pressures, representing the source of personal power and energy. It involves prioritizing one's own well-being and happiness, understanding that this is not selfishness but a necessary foundation for giving to others.

Journey to self-love. The author's personal journey highlights the transformative power of self-love in overcoming trauma and adversity. Growing up in a strict and emotionally neglectful environment, she learned to prioritize others' needs over her own, leading to feelings of worthlessness and despair. Through conscious effort and dedication, she was able to reclaim her power and cultivate self-love, leading to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

Benefits of self-love. Beyond emotional and spiritual well-being, self-love brings practical advantages, including improved relationships, career success, and financial stability. It allows individuals to set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and make choices that align with their values and needs. By prioritizing self-love, individuals create a positive energy that benefits themselves and those around them.

2. Recognizing and Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

When you are giving all of your heart to someone or something outside of yourself, you are just running from the truth: You have handed your power to someone else and are now basing your value on other people’s actions and beliefs.

Identifying self-sabotage. Many behaviors can undermine self-love, including seeking external validation, allowing social conditioning to dictate actions, succumbing to guilt, relying on false hope, ignoring intuition, and having self-limiting beliefs. These actions involve giving away personal power and basing self-worth on external factors rather than internal values. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming self-love.

External validation trap. Seeking approval from others can lead to a fear-based existence, where decisions are made to please others rather than oneself. This can manifest as constantly sacrificing time and energy, feeling resentful when others don't reciprocate, and putting off personal interests. Breaking free from this trap requires shifting the focus inward and validating oneself based on internal values and beliefs.

Social conditioning's influence. Societal norms and expectations can also sabotage self-love, particularly for women. These norms often dictate specific roles and behaviors, leading individuals to suppress their true selves and conform to external pressures. Overcoming this requires challenging these norms and embracing authenticity, regardless of societal expectations.

3. Prioritizing Yourself: A Necessary Act, Not a Selfish One

Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

Redefining selfishness. Society often equates self-love with selfishness, leading individuals to feel guilty for prioritizing their own needs. However, true selfishness involves disregarding the needs of others, while self-love involves prioritizing one's own needs without harming others. In fact, prioritizing oneself allows individuals to give more to others from a place of abundance rather than depletion.

Taking control of your time. One of the most powerful ways to prioritize yourself is to take control of your time and attention. This involves saying no to commitments that drain your energy and saying yes to activities that nourish your soul. It also involves setting boundaries with others to protect your time and energy.

The benefits of self-priority. Putting yourself first leads to increased happiness, fulfillment, and peace of mind. It also allows you to create beautiful energy that benefits the world around you. By prioritizing your own well-being, you become a more effective and loving partner, parent, friend, and colleague.

4. The Power of Boundaries: Protecting Your Energy and Well-being

Choosing to love myself more means I don’t allow anyone to treat me as if I have no value.

Defining boundaries. Boundaries are essential for protecting your energy, time, and emotional well-being. They define what you will and will not tolerate in your relationships and interactions with others. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and a way of communicating your value to others.

Types of boundaries. Boundaries can encompass various aspects of your life, including physical space, time, emotional energy, and personal values. Examples include saying no to requests that drain your energy, limiting contact with toxic individuals, and refusing to engage in conversations that violate your values.

Enforcing boundaries. Setting boundaries is only effective if you enforce them consistently. This may involve having difficult conversations, saying no to loved ones, and distancing yourself from those who repeatedly cross your boundaries. While enforcing boundaries may be challenging, it is essential for maintaining your well-being and protecting your self-love.

5. Owning Your Story: Embracing Authenticity and Vulnerability

When we deny our story, it defines us. When we own our story, we get to write the ending.

The power of authenticity. Hiding or suppressing parts of your story can lead to feelings of shame, self-rejection, and self-abandonment. Owning your whole story, including the good, the bad, and the ugly, allows you to embrace your authentic self and reclaim your power.

Overcoming shame. Shame is a powerful emotion that can keep you trapped in a cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt. Overcoming shame requires self-compassion, self-acceptance, and a willingness to share your story with others. By embracing your vulnerabilities, you can connect with others on a deeper level and create a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The benefits of owning your story. When you own your story, you are no longer defined by your past experiences. You are free to write your own ending and create a future that aligns with your values and desires. Owning your story also allows you to inspire and empower others by sharing your experiences and lessons learned.

6. Self-Love in the Workplace: Claiming Your Worth and Potential

Your self-worth determines your net worth.

Self-worth and career success. Self-love is essential for career advancement and entrepreneurial success. When you value yourself, you are more likely to take risks, stand up for yourself, and negotiate for fair compensation. You are also less likely to be held back by self-limiting beliefs and fear of failure.

Overcoming self-sabotage in the workplace. Many women undermine their career potential by downplaying their accomplishments, taking on non-promotable tasks, and failing to negotiate for higher salaries. Overcoming these patterns requires self-awareness, confidence, and a willingness to advocate for yourself.

Strategies for claiming your worth. To claim your worth in the workplace, focus on self-promotion, avoid the doormat dilemma, say no to non-promotable tasks, and practice self-compassion. By valuing yourself and your contributions, you can unlock your full potential and achieve greater success.

7. Financial Fitness: A Cornerstone of Self-Respect and Empowerment

To forgive is not just to be altruistic, it is the best form of self-interest.

Financial fitness and self-worth. Financial stability and independence are essential for self-respect and empowerment. When you are in control of your finances, you are less likely to be dependent on others and more able to make choices that align with your values and goals.

Overcoming financial self-sabotage. Many individuals engage in financial self-sabotage, such as spending to feel better, buying to impress others, and failing to save for the future. Overcoming these patterns requires self-awareness, discipline, and a commitment to financial responsibility.

Strategies for achieving financial fitness. To achieve financial fitness, create a budget, pay off debt, save for emergencies, invest wisely, and seek professional financial advice. By taking control of your finances, you can reduce stress, increase your sense of security, and empower yourself to live a more fulfilling life.

8. Caregiving with Compassion: Balancing Others' Needs with Your Own

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

The challenges of caregiving. Caregiving, whether for children, aging parents, or other loved ones, can be physically, emotionally, and financially draining. It is essential to find a balance between meeting the needs of others and taking care of your own well-being.

Avoiding self-sacrifice. Many caregivers fall into the trap of self-sacrifice, neglecting their own needs in favor of those they care for. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished capacity to provide effective care.

Strategies for balancing caregiving and self-care. To balance caregiving and self-care, set boundaries, ask for help, share your feelings, improve your relationship with the person you are caring for, get out of your bubble, and practice self-compassion. By prioritizing your own well-being, you can become a more effective and loving caregiver.

9. Responding, Not Reacting: Choosing Thoughtfulness Over Impulse

The wise respond. The foolish react. The wise think and then act. The foolish act and then regret.

The difference between reaction and response. Reacting involves acting impulsively based on emotions, while responding involves taking a moment to think and consider the consequences of your actions. Learning to respond rather than react is essential for maintaining control of your energy and making choices that align with your values.

Strategies for responding rather than reacting. To respond rather than react, practice mindfulness, create space between the trigger and your response, and focus on understanding the situation before taking action. By choosing thoughtfulness over impulse, you can improve your relationships, reduce stress, and make more effective decisions.

Benefits of responding. Responding thoughtfully allows you to maintain control of your energy, avoid emotional manipulation, and make choices that align with your values. It also fosters stronger relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

10. Forgiveness: Releasing the Past and Embracing the Present

To forgive is not just to be altruistic, it is the best form of self-interest.

The importance of forgiveness. Holding onto grudges and resentment can drain your energy and prevent you from moving forward in your life. Forgiveness, on the other hand, allows you to release the past and embrace the present.

Forgiveness is not absolution. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the actions of others or excusing their behavior. It simply means releasing the negative emotions that are holding you back.

Strategies for practicing forgiveness. To practice forgiveness, acknowledge your pain, understand the other person's perspective, choose to release your anger and resentment, and focus on moving forward. By forgiving others, you free yourself from the burden of the past and create space for love, compassion, and joy in your life.

11. Committing to Yourself: Grounding in Personal Power

The biggest commitment you must keep is your commitment to yourself.

The ultimate commitment. The most important commitment you can make is to yourself. This involves prioritizing your well-being, honoring your values, and pursuing your dreams. When you are committed to yourself, you are grounded in your personal power and able to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.

Strategies for committing to yourself. To commit to yourself, adopt an emblem, treat yourself, stop saying "I'm sorry," let go of perfectionism, and be kind to your body. By taking these small steps, you can create a life that is aligned with your values and filled with joy, purpose, and self-love.

The rewards of self-commitment. When you commit to yourself, you unlock your full potential and create a life that is authentic, fulfilling, and empowered. You also become a role model for others, inspiring them to prioritize their own well-being and pursue their dreams.

Last updated: April 3, 2025