Lean In

1. Women face unique challenges in leadership roles

The blunt truth is that men still run the world.

Gender disparity persists. Despite progress in women's rights and education, leadership roles across industries remain predominantly male. As of 2013, only 21 of Fortune 500 CEOs were women, and women held just 14% of executive officer positions. This imbalance is even more pronounced for women of color.

Societal expectations create barriers. From an early age, girls receive messages that they should be nurturing and communal, while boys are encouraged to be assertive and ambitious. These gender stereotypes persist into adulthood, creating both external and internal obstacles for women pursuing leadership roles.

The ambition gap. Research shows that women are less likely than men to describe themselves as ambitious or aspire to top management positions. This gap starts early, with studies finding that middle school boys are more likely than girls to aspire to leadership roles in future careers.

2. Overcome internal barriers and lean into your career

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Recognize and challenge self-doubt. Many high-achieving women suffer from "impostor syndrome," feeling undeserving of their success despite evidence of their competence. This self-doubt can hold women back from pursuing opportunities and advocating for themselves.

Take your seat at the table. Sandberg shares personal anecdotes of women literally and figuratively sitting on the sidelines in meetings. She encourages women to actively participate, voice their opinions, and claim their rightful place in professional settings.

Strategies to overcome self-doubt:

• Fake it till you make it
• Adopt powerful body language
• Recognize that perfection is the enemy of progress
• Reframe criticism as an opportunity for growth

3. Success and likeability are negatively correlated for women

Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.

The double bind. Research shows that as women become more successful, they are often perceived as less likeable. This creates a catch-22 where women must choose between being respected and being liked, a dilemma men rarely face.

Navigate the tightrope. To succeed, women must learn to balance assertiveness with warmth. Sandberg advises women to be "relentlessly pleasant" while still advocating for themselves and their ideas. This involves:

Techniques for effective self-advocacy:

• Use "we" instead of "I" when discussing accomplishments
• Frame requests in terms of organizational benefits
• Combine niceness with insistence
• Negotiate with communal language

Challenge the status quo. While adapting to current realities is necessary, Sandberg emphasizes the importance of changing the system itself. By raising awareness of these biases, we can work towards a future where women don't have to navigate this double standard.

4. Pursue a jungle gym, not a ladder, in your career path

Careers are a jungle gym, not a ladder.

Embrace flexibility. The traditional career ladder is becoming obsolete. Instead, think of your career as a jungle gym, with multiple paths to the top. This mindset allows for lateral moves, zigzags, and even steps backward that can ultimately lead to greater opportunities.

Prioritize growth and impact. When making career decisions, focus on roles that offer the most potential for learning and making a difference. Sandberg shares how she chose to join Google and later Facebook based on their growth potential, even when it meant taking a perceived step down in title or responsibility.

Factors to consider in career moves:

• Potential for skill development
• Alignment with long-term goals
• Opportunity to make an impact
• Company growth trajectory
• Quality of mentors and team members

5. Seek mentors and sponsors, but focus on excelling first

Excel and you will get a mentor.

Mentorship is earned, not assigned. Many young professionals mistakenly believe that finding a mentor is the key to success. Sandberg argues that excellence comes first – focus on doing outstanding work, and mentors will naturally be drawn to you.

Differentiate between mentors and sponsors. Mentors offer advice and guidance, while sponsors actively advocate for your career advancement. Both are valuable, but sponsors can have a more direct impact on your career progression.

Building mentor relationships:

• Seek specific, thoughtful advice rather than general guidance
• Offer value in return, making the relationship mutually beneficial
• Be open to mentorship from peers and juniors, not just seniors
• Look for mentors in unexpected places

6. Communicate with confidence and authenticity

Feeling confident – or pretending that you feel confident – is necessary to reach for opportunities.

Overcome the tendency to hedge. Women often use qualifying language that undermines their message. Practice communicating with clarity and conviction, even if you have to fake confidence at first.

Balance authenticity with effectiveness. While it's important to be true to yourself, learn to adapt your communication style to be heard in different environments. This doesn't mean changing who you are, but rather developing a range of tools to express yourself effectively.

Techniques for confident communication:

• Eliminate filler words and apologetic language
• Use power poses to boost confidence before important interactions
• Practice accepting compliments graciously
• Share your accomplishments without downplaying them

7. Don't leave before you leave: stay engaged in your career

The months and years leading up to having children are not the time to lean back, but the critical time to lean in.

Avoid preemptive compromise. Many women scale back their career ambitions in anticipation of future family responsibilities. This "leaving before you leave" can result in missed opportunities and a self-fulfilling prophecy of reduced options.

Stay engaged and keep doors open. Continue to pursue challenging assignments and career growth, even as you plan for a family. This positions you for more options and flexibility when you do have children.

Strategies for balancing career and family planning:

• Seek out family-friendly employers and policies
• Build a strong professional foundation before having children
• Consider timing of pregnancy in relation to career milestones
• Discuss expectations and support with your partner early on

8. Make your partner a real partner in home responsibilities

As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home.

Equal partnerships benefit everyone. Research shows that couples who share domestic responsibilities have stronger marriages, more successful careers, and better-adjusted children. Yet women still bear a disproportionate burden of housework and childcare.

Challenge traditional gender roles. Encourage men to take on more responsibilities at home, and avoid "maternal gatekeeping" that can discourage their involvement. This shift requires both individual effort and broader societal change.

Steps towards equal partnership:

• Discuss expectations openly with your partner
• Divide tasks based on individual strengths and preferences
• Advocate for paternity leave and flexible work arrangements
• Challenge societal norms that devalue men's contributions at home

9. Redefine "having it all" and aim for work-life integration

Done is better than perfect.

Reject the myth of perfection. The idea of "having it all" sets an impossible standard. Instead, focus on making the best choices for yourself and your family, acknowledging that trade-offs are inevitable.

Strive for work-life integration. Rather than seeking perfect balance, look for ways to blend work and personal life in a way that aligns with your priorities. This might mean setting boundaries, leveraging technology, or redefining success on your own terms.

Strategies for work-life integration:

• Identify your non-negotiables and prioritize accordingly
• Delegate and outsource when possible
• Practice self-compassion and let go of guilt
• Recognize that priorities may shift over time

10. Speak up about gender issues in the workplace

We cannot change what we are unaware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.

Break the silence. Many women avoid discussing gender issues at work for fear of being labeled difficult or oversensitive. Sandberg argues that open dialogue is essential for progress.

Use data and personal stories. Combine factual evidence of gender disparities with personal anecdotes to make the issue relatable and compelling. Encourage both men and women to share their experiences and perspectives.

Approaches to addressing gender issues:

• Point out unconscious biases in a non-confrontational way
• Advocate for systemic changes in hiring, promotion, and family leave policies
• Create support networks for women in your organization
• Celebrate and amplify the successes of women colleagues

11. Men and women must work together for true equality

We need to make male leaders aware of this shortage and encourage them to widen their circle.

Engage men as allies. Achieving gender equality requires the active participation of men. Encourage male colleagues to mentor and sponsor women, and to advocate for inclusive policies and practices.

Recognize intersectionality. Gender inequality intersects with other forms of discrimination based on race, class, sexual orientation, and more. A truly inclusive approach must address these multiple dimensions of diversity.

Actions to promote gender equality:

• Create mentorship programs that pair senior men with junior women
• Implement bias training for all employees, especially those involved in hiring and promotions
• Set specific, measurable goals for gender diversity at all levels of the organization
• Encourage men to take parental leave and flex time, normalizing these practices for all employees

By working together and challenging both external and internal barriers, we can create a world where leadership is not defined by gender, but by talent, passion, and impact.

Last updated: July 23, 2024