Let Them Play

1. Mindful Sports Parenting: Focus on the Journey, Not Just the Outcome

"We become champions when we take the profound, inner, mindful path and succeed against our internal challenges, when we defeat the opponent within, fighting against the demons of fear, failure, fatigue, frustration, and self-doubt."

Mindful parenting is about being present and aware of your thoughts and actions as they relate to your child's athletic journey. It involves focusing on the process rather than just the outcome, recognizing that sports are primarily about personal growth and development.

Key aspects of mindful sports parenting include:

• Emphasizing effort, skill development, and participation over winning
• Encouraging children to set personal goals and standards
• Helping children learn valuable life lessons through sports
• Maintaining a calm and supportive presence, regardless of game outcomes

By adopting a mindful approach, parents can create a positive and nurturing environment that allows their children to thrive both on and off the field.

2. Create a Safe Environment for Growth and Learning

"For self-realization, a rebel demands a strong authority, a worthy opponent."

Emotional safety is crucial for young athletes to develop confidence and take risks in their sport. Parents play a vital role in creating this safe environment by:

• Offering unconditional love and support, regardless of performance
• Encouraging children to learn from mistakes and setbacks
• Avoiding harsh criticism or blame after losses or poor performances
• Praising effort and personal improvement rather than just results

By fostering a safe and supportive atmosphere, parents enable their children to push their limits, embrace challenges, and grow both as athletes and individuals. This approach helps young athletes develop resilience, self-confidence, and a lifelong love for sports and physical activity.

3. Encourage Diversification Over Early Specialization

"Listen to your inner voice. What do you, as a parent, intuitively feel is the right thing to do? What do you believe is the right path for the full emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual development of your child?"

Multi-sport participation offers numerous benefits for young athletes, including:

• Reduced risk of burnout and overuse injuries
• Enhanced overall athletic development
• Improved coordination, balance, and speed
• Greater opportunity to find a sport they truly love

Research shows that most professional athletes were multi-sport athletes in their youth. Encouraging diversification allows children to develop a broader range of skills and experiences, which can ultimately lead to better performance in their chosen sport later in life.

Parents should resist the pressure to specialize early and instead support their children in exploring various sports and activities. This approach not only benefits physical development but also promotes social skills, adaptability, and a well-rounded personality.

4. Develop a Champion Mindset Through Process-Oriented Goals

"Rather than see goals as a destination to arrive at, I suggest that you embrace them as awesome guides, like flashing beacons on the horizon of the athletic journey."

Process-oriented goals focus on the actions and behaviors that lead to success, rather than just the end result. This approach helps young athletes develop a champion mindset by:

• Emphasizing personal improvement and skill development
• Reducing performance anxiety by shifting focus from outcomes to controllable factors
• Building confidence through achievable daily objectives
• Fostering intrinsic motivation and a love for the sport

Parents can help their children set process-oriented goals by:

• Encouraging them to focus on specific skills or techniques they want to improve
• Helping them break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps
• Celebrating effort and progress, regardless of game outcomes
• Discussing what they learned from each practice or competition

By adopting this mindset, young athletes learn to embrace challenges, persist through difficulties, and find joy in the journey of athletic development.

5. Embrace Failure as a Stepping Stone to Success

"We are all imperfect and will fail on occasions, but fear of failure is the greatest failure of all."

Failure as a teacher is a powerful concept that can transform how young athletes approach challenges and setbacks. Parents can help their children reframe failure by:

• Sharing personal stories of overcoming failures
• Encouraging children to analyze what went wrong and how to improve
• Emphasizing that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process
• Helping children set new goals based on lessons learned from failures

By embracing failure as an opportunity for growth, young athletes develop resilience, persistence, and a growth mindset. This approach not only benefits their athletic performance but also prepares them for challenges in all areas of life.

Parents should model this attitude by discussing their own failures and the lessons they've learned, demonstrating that setbacks are a normal part of any journey to success.

6. Foster Self-Reliance and Autonomy in Young Athletes

"Parents who try to control their children can keep their children from developing self-reliance, vision, creativity, and courage."

Promoting independence in young athletes is crucial for their long-term development. Parents can foster self-reliance by:

• Allowing children to make their own decisions about sports participation
• Encouraging them to communicate directly with coaches about issues or concerns
• Letting them take responsibility for their equipment and preparation
• Avoiding over-involvement in practice and game situations

Key strategies for fostering autonomy:

• Use open-ended questions to help children problem-solve
• Resist the urge to intervene unless absolutely necessary
• Praise efforts towards independence and decision-making
• Allow natural consequences to occur (within reason) as learning opportunities

By stepping back and allowing children to take ownership of their athletic journey, parents help develop crucial life skills such as responsibility, problem-solving, and self-advocacy.

7. Practice Gratitude and Maintain Perspective in Sports

"The root of joy is gratefulness. . . .It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful."

Cultivating gratitude can significantly enhance the sports experience for both parents and young athletes. By focusing on the blessings and opportunities that sports provide, families can maintain a healthy perspective and find joy in the journey.

Ways to practice gratitude in sports:

• Start each day by listing 5 things you're grateful for related to your child's athletic experience
• Express appreciation to coaches, officials, and other parents for their contributions
• Help your child recognize and appreciate their own abilities and progress
• Celebrate the opportunities for growth, friendship, and fun that sports provide

Maintaining perspective involves remembering that sports are just one aspect of a child's life and development. By emphasizing gratitude and keeping sports in proper perspective, parents can help their children develop a positive attitude, resilience, and lifelong appreciation for physical activity and competition.

8. Navigate the Complexities of Tryouts and Recruitment

"Rejection doesn't mean you're not good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer."

Handling tryouts and recruitment can be emotionally challenging for both parents and young athletes. Key strategies for navigating these processes include:

• Preparing children mentally for both success and disappointment
• Focusing on personal improvement rather than comparison to others
• Exploring multiple options and backup plans
• Maintaining open communication with coaches and recruiters

For college recruitment:

• Start the process early, ideally in freshman or sophomore year
• Encourage your child to take the lead in communication with coaches
• Focus on finding the right academic and athletic fit, not just the most prestigious program
• Consider factors beyond athletics, such as academic programs and campus culture

By approaching tryouts and recruitment with a balanced perspective, parents can help their children navigate these challenges while maintaining self-confidence and a love for their sport.

9. Cultivate Good Sportsmanship and Respect for the Game

"Good sportsmanship is present when we treat everyone — athletes, coaches, officials, and yes, even parents on the opposing team — as on the same side and gathering for the same purpose, to enjoy sports."

Teaching sportsmanship is crucial for developing well-rounded athletes and individuals. Parents can model and encourage good sportsmanship by:

• Showing respect for opponents, officials, and coaches
• Emphasizing fair play and following the rules
• Praising effort and good plays by both teams
• Handling wins and losses with grace and humility

Key aspects of good sportsmanship:

• Shaking hands with opponents after games
• Avoiding trash talk or excessive celebration
• Supporting teammates, even when they make mistakes
• Accepting officials' decisions without argument

By prioritizing sportsmanship, parents help their children develop important character traits such as empathy, respect, and integrity, which will serve them well both in sports and in life.

10. Communicate Effectively with Coaches and Officials

"Where there is right action, there is victory."

Positive communication with coaches and officials is essential for creating a supportive environment for young athletes. Parents should:

• Approach coaches respectfully and at appropriate times
• Focus on their child's experience and development, not playing time or strategy
• Avoid criticizing officials or undermining their authority
• Model respectful communication for their children

Effective communication strategies:

• Use "I" statements to express concerns (e.g., "I'm concerned about...")
• Ask questions to understand the coach's perspective
• Offer support and assistance when appropriate
• Address issues privately, not in front of other parents or players

By fostering positive relationships with coaches and officials, parents contribute to a more enjoyable and productive sports experience for everyone involved.

11. Prioritize Fun and Enjoyment in Youth Sports

"Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun."

Emphasizing enjoyment is crucial for maintaining children's long-term engagement in sports. Parents can help prioritize fun by:

• Encouraging participation in multiple sports and activities
• Focusing on personal improvement rather than comparison to others
• Celebrating effort, teamwork, and sportsmanship
• Creating a positive, low-pressure environment around sports

Ways to keep sports fun:

• Allow free play and unstructured practice time
• Encourage socializing with teammates outside of practice
• Celebrate small victories and personal bests
• Ask children what they enjoy most about their sport and support those aspects

By prioritizing fun and enjoyment, parents help their children develop a lifelong love for physical activity and the many benefits it brings. This approach also reduces the risk of burnout and helps children maintain a healthy perspective on competition and personal growth.

Last updated: August 19, 2024