On Relationship

1. Relationship is the mirror of self-knowledge

Relationship is the only mirror we have, a mirror that will not distort, a mirror in which we can exactly and precisely see our thought unfolding itself.

Self-reflection through relationship. Our interactions with others serve as a clear reflection of our inner selves. By observing our thoughts, reactions, and behaviors in various relationships, we gain insight into our own psyche. This self-knowledge is essential for personal growth and understanding.

Importance of honest observation. To truly benefit from this mirror of relationship, we must approach it with honesty and openness. This requires setting aside preconceived notions and being willing to see ourselves as we truly are, rather than how we wish to be perceived. Through this process, we can uncover hidden motivations, fears, and patterns that shape our interactions.

Continuous learning. Relationships provide ongoing opportunities for self-discovery. As we engage with different people and navigate various situations, we constantly uncover new aspects of ourselves. This journey of self-knowledge is never-ending, as each interaction offers fresh insights and challenges our existing understanding of ourselves.

2. Images and thought create conflict in relationships

The image, or the picture, or the form, is you, and I am related to you through that picture. I am attached to that picture.

The role of mental images. We often create mental images or concepts of the people in our lives, based on our experiences, expectations, and desires. These images act as filters through which we perceive and interact with others, often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Thought-generated division. The process of creating these images is a function of thought, which inherently divides and categorizes. When we relate to others through these thought-created images, we are not truly connecting with the person but with our idea of them. This creates a barrier to genuine understanding and intimacy.

Breaking free from images. To improve our relationships, we must become aware of the images we hold and learn to see beyond them. This involves:

• Recognizing when we are projecting our expectations onto others
• Practicing active listening and observation without judgment
• Being open to continually updating our understanding of others
• Cultivating presence and direct perception in our interactions

3. Love is not desire, pleasure, or attachment

Love is not pleasure, obviously. That cheapens it. Love is not desire; love is not the fulfilment of your own sensory demands.

Redefining love. True love is distinct from the common notions of pleasure, desire, and attachment that often masquerade as love. It is a deeper, more profound state of being that transcends personal gratification and possessiveness.

Beyond emotional dependency. Authentic love does not stem from psychological need or the desire for security. It is not based on what one can get from another, but rather on a state of wholeness and completeness within oneself. From this place of inner fullness, one can truly connect with others without creating dependency or conflict.

Characteristics of genuine love:

• Absence of possessiveness and jealousy
• Unconditional acceptance of the other
• Freedom from fear and insecurity
• Compassion and empathy for all beings
• A sense of unity and interconnectedness

4. End psychological time to transform relationships

Is it possible to live, with the one and with the many, without demand?

Present-moment awareness. Psychological time, created by thought, often leads to conflict in relationships. By focusing on past experiences or future expectations, we miss the reality of the present moment and the person before us. Ending this psychological time allows for genuine connection and understanding.

Freedom from demands. When we live without psychological demands on others or ourselves, we open the door to harmonious relationships. This involves:

• Letting go of expectations based on past experiences
• Not projecting future scenarios onto current interactions
• Accepting others and ourselves as we are in the present moment

Transformative potential. By ending psychological time in our relationships, we create the possibility for profound change. This shift in perception allows for:

• Clearer communication without the distortion of past or future
• Greater empathy and understanding of others' perspectives
• Reduced conflict arising from unmet expectations or imagined scenarios

5. Compassion arises from the ending of sorrow

Only when there is an ending to suffering is there compassion.

Understanding sorrow. Sorrow is a universal human experience, often stemming from attachment, loss, and the gap between reality and our expectations. By deeply exploring and understanding the nature of our own sorrow, we create the potential for its ending.

The transformation of suffering. As we face our sorrow directly, without escape or avoidance, a profound shift can occur. This process involves:

• Observing our pain without judgment or resistance
• Recognizing the common humanity in suffering
• Letting go of the self-centered narrative around our pain

Birth of compassion. When sorrow ends, not through suppression but through understanding, compassion naturally arises. This compassion is:

• Not based on personal experience or memory
• Universal in its scope, extending to all beings
• Active and engaged, rather than passive pity

6. True security comes from understanding, not attachment

You see the truth of the necessity of physical security and yet the mind too is always pursuing security in different forms, security being something permanent, a permanent relationship, a permanent house, a permanent idea.

The illusion of psychological security. While physical security is necessary, the mind's pursuit of psychological security often leads to conflict and suffering. This pursuit manifests in various forms:

• Attachment to relationships, possessions, and ideas
• Seeking permanence in an impermanent world
• Clinging to beliefs and ideologies for comfort

Understanding as the foundation of security. True security comes not from external sources or fixed ideas, but from a deep understanding of ourselves and the nature of reality. This involves:

• Recognizing the impermanence of all things
• Developing flexibility and adaptability in our thinking
• Cultivating inner strength and resilience

Freedom through understanding. As we let go of the need for psychological security based on attachment, we discover a deeper sense of freedom and peace. This state allows for:

• More authentic and dynamic relationships
• Greater creativity and openness to new experiences
• A sense of connection with the ever-changing flow of life

7. Self-centered activity leads to isolation and conflict

We are asking: Is it possible to live in relationship without the image? Is there relationship when there is an image between you and me?

The nature of self-centered activity. Much of our daily life is driven by self-centered motivations, even when we're not aware of it. This includes:

• Pursuing personal ambitions and desires
• Protecting our self-image and beliefs
• Seeking validation and recognition from others

Consequences of self-centeredness:

• Isolation from others and the world around us
• Conflict arising from competing self-interests
• Limited perspective and understanding of reality

Moving beyond self-centeredness. To create genuine relationships and a harmonious society, we must transcend our self-centered tendencies. This involves:

• Developing awareness of our motivations and thought patterns
• Cultivating empathy and consideration for others
• Recognizing our interconnectedness with all of life

8. Transform consciousness to create a new society

So to bring about a radical change in society, that society which is an abstraction of the relationship between man and man, it is your relationship with another that has created this monstrous world, that must change.

Individual responsibility. The transformation of society begins with the individual. Each person's relationship with others forms the foundation of the larger social structure. By changing our own consciousness and way of relating, we contribute to the transformation of the whole.

Interconnected nature of change. Personal and societal change are inextricably linked. As we work on ourselves, we influence those around us, creating a ripple effect that can lead to broader social transformation. This process involves:

• Recognizing our role in creating and maintaining social structures
• Taking responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and relationships
• Cultivating awareness of the impact of our choices on the wider world

Holistic approach to change. True societal transformation requires addressing both inner and outer aspects of human life. This includes:

• Examining and changing our personal values and beliefs
• Creating new forms of education that foster self-understanding
• Developing economic and political systems that reflect our interconnectedness

9. Meditation leads to insight and harmonious living

Meditation is to find out for oneself the whole question of the observer, the structure and the nature of the observer, which is yourself.

Purpose of meditation. True meditation is not a technique or practice, but a state of awareness that leads to deep insight into the nature of the self and reality. Its purpose is to:

• Observe the workings of our own mind without judgment
• Uncover the root causes of conflict and suffering
• Discover a way of living that is in harmony with the whole

Beyond traditional practices. Krishnamurti's approach to meditation goes beyond traditional seated practices or guided techniques. It involves:

• Constant awareness in daily life
• Questioning and observing our thoughts, emotions, and reactions
• Being present and attentive in all our activities and relationships

Transformative potential. Through this approach to meditation, we can experience profound insights that lead to:

• Freedom from psychological conditioning
• A sense of unity and connection with all of life
• Spontaneous, creative responses to life's challenges
• A natural state of love and compassion for all beings

Last updated: September 13, 2024