Pick Three

1. Embrace Lopsidedness: You Can't Do It All Daily

I believe that striving to be well balanced is a lousy setup for one of three things: failure, unreasonable expectations, or worse, MEDIOCRITY!

Forget perfect balance. The pressure to excel at everything simultaneously leads to guilt, stress, and ultimately, mediocrity. Trying to be perfect in all areas of life every single day is an unrealistic and exhausting goal that sets you up for failure. Instead of striving for an impossible ideal of balance, embrace the reality of living a "well-lopsided" life.

Living lopsided is interesting. Just as Harvard admissions sought "well-lopsided" students to make the class interesting, focusing intensely on a few areas makes your life more impactful and fulfilling. Significant accomplishments and deep connections often require prioritizing certain areas over others for periods of time. This intentional imbalance allows for depth and excellence in chosen pursuits.

Guilt is the enemy. A major source of unhappiness and stress comes from feeling guilty about not doing everything perfectly. By accepting that you cannot do it all, you can release this unnecessary guilt and focus your energy on what truly matters in the moment. This shift in mindset is foundational to the Pick Three philosophy.

2. The Big Five: Your Life's Core Categories

Work. Sleep. Family. Fitness. Friends. Pick Three.

Identify your life buckets. Life can be broadly categorized into five key areas: Work (career, passion projects, contribution), Sleep (rest, recovery, mental/physical health), Family (loved ones, chosen or biological), Fitness (physical, mental, emotional well-being, self-care), and Friends (social life, hobbies, fun). While your personal categories might vary slightly, these five cover the major domains most people navigate.

These are your choices. These five categories represent the main areas where you invest your time and energy. Recognizing these distinct buckets helps you visualize where your focus is currently directed and where you might want to shift it. They provide the framework for making intentional daily choices about your priorities.

The foundation for prioritization. Understanding these core areas is the first step in applying the Pick Three method. They are the options from which you will choose your daily focus. Each category is vital for a well-rounded life over time, but not necessarily every day.

3. Pick Three: Focus Ruthlessly, Without Guilt

In order to set myself up for success, I know I can only realistically do three things well every day.

Choose your daily focus. The core principle is simple: out of the five categories (Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, Friends), pick only three to focus on and do well today. This forces ruthless prioritization and prevents you from spreading yourself too thin. It's about quality over quantity in your daily efforts.

Rotate for long-term balance. The power of Pick Three lies in its flexibility. You can pick a different three tomorrow, or the day after. Over the course of a week, month, or year, you can ensure that all five categories receive adequate attention, achieving balance not daily, but over the long run. This is balancing your imbalance.

Eliminate the guilt. By consciously choosing only three, you give yourself permission to let the other two slide for today. This is not failure; it is a strategic decision. Release the guilt associated with not being perfect at everything and instead feel successful for excelling at the three things you chose.

4. Work: Passion, Purpose, and Pivots

I actively have to tell myself to pick Work less and focus on the other areas of my life a bit more.

Work defines many. For many, work is more than just a paycheck; it's a source of identity, purpose, and passion. Whether you're a "Work Passionista" driven by ambition or a "Work Superhero" supporting a loved one's career, the role of work in your Pick Three is deeply personal and often dominant. Randi's own journey from Facebook to Broadway and starting her own company illustrates this intense focus.

Navigating work challenges. Life throws curveballs that force us to rethink our careers. "Work Renovators" like Reshma Saujani (Girls Who Code founder, after political losses) show resilience in pivoting after setbacks. "Work Eliminators" like Randi's mother (leaving medicine for family) make conscious choices to step away, highlighting the need for identity outside of a job and the challenges of re-entry.

Finding balance within work. Even if Work is a constant Pick Three, it's crucial to avoid burnout. Strategies include:

• Setting boundaries (saying no, managing email)
• Delegating tasks
• Developing skills (presenting, thought leadership)
• Taking breaks and vacations (Americans take only half their earned PTO)
• Considering flexible work options (remote, freelance)

5. Sleep: The Non-Negotiable Foundation for Health and Success

Every disease that is killing us in the developed world has clear links to a lack of sleep.

The global sleep epidemic. Modern society suffers from a severe lack of sleep, with significant detrimental effects on health, mood, productivity, and safety. Neuroscientists like Matthew Walker emphasize that chronic sleep deprivation is a major health challenge, linked to increased risk of heart disease, illness, and impaired cognitive function. You cannot "bank" sleep or function optimally on minimal rest long-term.

Prioritizing rest is key. "Sleep Passionistas" like Jenni June (sleep consultant) and "Sleep Renovators" like Arianna Huffington (after her collapse) highlight the transformative power of prioritizing sleep. Getting adequate, quality sleep (7-9 hours for most) is not a luxury but a necessity for energy, cognitive flexibility, and overall well-being. Timing of sleep is often more important than duration.

Navigating sleep elimination. Some professions or life circumstances force individuals to be "Sleep Eliminators," like pediatric organ transplant surgeon Dr. Adam Griesemer who works 30-40 hour shifts. While some cope with naps, caffeine, and staying in motion, this lifestyle is unsustainable and takes a toll on health and relationships. Even "Sleep Superheroes" like new moms (Patina Miller) face extreme exhaustion, underscoring the need for support and finding moments to prioritize rest when possible.

6. Family: Redefining Connection and Support

When we experience drastic change and disruption in our lives; having a close relationship with family can help us through that.

Family is complicated but essential. Whether it's the family you're born into, the one you create, or the one you choose (friends, community), these relationships are vital for emotional support, belonging, and navigating life's challenges. Family dynamics can be complex, especially when working together (Brigitte Daniel, Ruth Zive), but the bond provides a crucial anchor.

Prioritizing family takes many forms. "Family Passionistas" make family a core focus, often making sacrifices for loved ones. "Family Superheroes" like Ramya Kumar (leaving banking for her autistic son) demonstrate profound dedication, highlighting the intense, round-the-clock nature of caregiving and the need for external support. This role, often taken by women, is a personal decision but can lead to feelings of isolation and a loss of identity outside the caregiver role.

Renovating family connections. Loss or difficult circumstances can shatter traditional family structures, forcing individuals to become "Family Renovators." Rebecca Soffer (Modern Loss founder, after losing both parents) rebuilt her sense of family through community and creating her own family, showing that you can redefine what family means and actively build new support systems. Even "Family Eliminators" like Ellen Dworsky (choosing not to marry/have kids) find fulfillment and community elsewhere, emphasizing that family doesn't have to fit a single mold.

7. Fitness: Prioritizing Your Physical and Emotional Well-being

A purpose, a plan, and accountability, that’s what it takes to make fitness a lifestyle.

Fitness is holistic health. More than just physical exercise, Fitness encompasses mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It's about self-care, stress management, and nourishing your body and mind. Prioritizing fitness provides energy, improves mood, and enhances performance in all other areas of life.

Setting goals drives progress. Whether you're a "Fitness Passionista" like Olympic gymnast Laurie Hernandez or setting personal challenges like running a marathon or doing 40,000 burpees (Randi's goal), setting clear, broken-down goals is key. Accountability, whether through friends, trainers (Brian Patrick Murphy), or tracking devices, helps maintain consistency, especially when motivation wanes.

Overcoming obstacles and redefining fitness. Injuries or physical limitations can force individuals to become "Fitness Renovators." Aaron "Wheelz" Fotheringham (WCMX champion) demonstrates incredible resilience, adapting his sport and inspiring others to see challenges as tools for success. Even "Fitness Eliminators" like Liz Wolff find ways to stay active without conventional workouts, emphasizing that health looks different for everyone and the importance of listening to your body and finding what works for you.

8. Friends: Cultivating Your Essential Support Network

If someone feels lonely and has no one to share their disappointments and successes, it might suggest that they should spend more time nurturing friendships.

Friendships are vital connections. Friends provide emotional support, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging, which are crucial for happiness and well-being. Research links strong social connections to improved health outcomes and longevity. Friendships help shape identity and provide a network to lean on during difficult times.

Navigating social dynamics. Prioritizing friends can be challenging, especially with busy lives and introverted tendencies (Randi's experience). "Friends Passionistas" like Susan McPherson excel at connecting people, highlighting the value of curiosity, memory, and genuine follow-up. However, friendships evolve, and navigating changes, distance (Kimberley Bulkley), or even toxic relationships requires effort and sometimes difficult decisions.

Rebuilding and relying on friends. Life events like moving (Julie Zeilinger's college experience) or health crises (Amy Silverstein's heart transplant story) can force individuals to become "Friends Renovators" or rely heavily on their "Friends Superheroes." These situations underscore the importance of investing in friendships over time, showing up for others, and being open to forming new connections, even when starting from scratch feels daunting.

9. Life Happens: Renovating Your Priorities Through Challenges

Failure can be a blessing.

Roadblocks force change. Unexpected events – job loss, illness, family crises, personal setbacks – often disrupt our planned priorities and force us to become "Renovators." These moments, while difficult, can be catalysts for significant personal and professional growth. They challenge our assumptions and push us to redefine success and happiness.

Resilience is key. The ability to pick up the pieces, learn from failure, and pivot is essential. Individuals like Reshma Saujani (Work Renovator) or Rebecca Soffer (Family Renovator) demonstrate how channeling pain and disappointment into new purpose can lead to incredible achievements and a stronger sense of self. It's about adapting and rebuilding, not giving up.

Embrace the uncomfortable. Growth often happens outside our comfort zone. Whether it's trying a new skill, starting a business after a setback, or navigating a difficult personal situation, pushing your limits is where you truly feel alive and discover your capacity for resilience. These challenges, though unplanned, shape who you become.

10. Build Your Support System: Community, Mentors, and Monetizers

It is impossible to accomplish anything in life without a strong support system.

You don't have to do it alone. Achieving your Pick Three goals and navigating life's challenges is significantly easier with a strong support system. This includes family, friends, mentors, colleagues, and community groups (religious, support groups, hobby-based). Leaning on others for emotional, practical, or professional support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Seek out your cheerleaders. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, encourage your goals, and hold you accountable (like Tim Bauer's weight loss journey). Identify "helpers" who offer tangible support and distinguish them from "enablers" or those who drain your energy. Sometimes, this means setting boundaries or loving people from a distance.

Leverage "Monetizers" and resources. Recognize that others have built businesses ("Monetizers") around helping people achieve their goals in the Big Five categories. Whether it's fitness trainers (Brian Patrick Murphy), sleep consultants (Jenni June), flexible work platforms (Sara Sutton Fell), or community builders (William Vanderbloemen, Halle Stanford), these resources can provide expertise, tools, and community to support your journey.

Last updated: May 14, 2025