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Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family

Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family

How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook
by Ellyn Satter 2011 322 pages
4.20
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Eating competence: Enjoy food and trust your body

"The secret of feeding a healthy family is to love good food, trust yourself, and share that love and trust with your child. When the joy goes out of eating, nutrition suffers."

Eating competence model. This approach emphasizes both permission and discipline in eating. It encourages people to:

  • Choose foods they enjoy
  • Eat amounts they find satisfying
  • Provide regular, reliable meals and snacks
  • Pay attention while eating

Research shows that people with high eating competence:

  • Have better diets
  • Maintain more stable weights
  • Show better health indicators (e.g., lower blood pressure, better cholesterol levels)
  • Appear to do better socially and emotionally

2. Positive attitudes about eating lead to better nutrition

"Competent eaters enjoy food and eating and they are comfortable with their enjoyment. They feel it is okay to eat food that they like in amounts they find satisfying."

Overcoming negative attitudes. Many people carry guilt, shame, or anxiety about eating. To develop more positive attitudes:

  • Acknowledge your feelings about food and eating
  • Recognize that enjoying food is natural and healthy
  • Challenge the idea that certain foods are "good" or "bad"
  • Focus on pleasure and satisfaction from eating, not just nutrition

Benefits of positive eating attitudes:

  • Reduced stress around meals
  • Better overall relationship with food
  • Improved nutrition through greater variety in diet
  • Enhanced enjoyment of social eating occasions

3. Honor your appetite and embrace food acceptance

"Appetite is a natural and life-giving inclination. Appetite is compelling, but it can be satisfied. It is normal to get enough and to stop eating, even of highly enjoyable food."

Tuning into appetite. Learning to recognize and respond to hunger and fullness cues is crucial:

  • Pay attention to physical sensations of hunger
  • Eat when hungry, stop when satisfied
  • Allow yourself to eat foods you truly enjoy

Developing food acceptance skills:

  • Be comfortable around unfamiliar foods
  • Experiment with new tastes and textures
  • Allow yourself multiple exposures to new foods (10-20 times) before deciding if you like them
  • Accept that preferences may change over time

These skills support a varied, nutritious diet and make eating more enjoyable and less stressful.

4. Eat as much as you want: Trust internal regulation

"Essential to eating's rich reward is having enough to eat. The irony, in this land of plenty, is that most of us fear hunger, not because we risk food insecurity, but because we obligate ourselves to undereat."

Overcoming restriction. Chronic dieting and food restriction often lead to:

  • Preoccupation with food
  • Overeating when restrictions are lifted
  • Difficulty recognizing true hunger and fullness

Steps to develop internal regulation:

  1. Give yourself unconditional permission to eat
  2. Learn to recognize and honor hunger signals
  3. Eat mindfully, paying attention to taste and satisfaction
  4. Trust your body to guide you on how much to eat

Benefits of internal regulation:

  • More stable weight over time
  • Reduced anxiety around food
  • Better overall relationship with eating

5. Feed yourself faithfully with regular, rewarding meals

"To develop the meal habit, prioritize pleasure. To keep up the day-in-day-out effort of regular meals, those meals must be richly rewarding to plan, prepare, and eat."

Importance of structure. Regular, satisfying meals support:

  • Better nutrition
  • Improved hunger/fullness awareness
  • Reduced food preoccupation

Tips for developing a meal routine:

  • Plan meals that include foods you enjoy
  • Set regular mealtimes
  • Create a pleasant eating environment
  • Allow enough time to eat without rushing

Remember: The goal is to make meals rewarding enough that you want to maintain the habit, not a chore you dread.

6. Raise good eaters through division of responsibility

"Parents are responsible for the what, when, and where of feeding; Children are responsible for the how much and whether of eating."

Division of responsibility in feeding:

Parents' jobs:

  • Choose and prepare food
  • Provide regular meals and snacks
  • Create pleasant mealtimes
  • Model healthy eating behaviors

Children's jobs:

  • Decide whether to eat
  • Choose how much to eat from what's offered

Benefits of this approach:

  • Reduces mealtime battles
  • Supports children's natural ability to self-regulate
  • Promotes positive attitudes about food
  • Encourages development of varied tastes over time

7. Cook to celebrate eating and care for yourself

"To celebrate eating and take good care of yourself with food, you have to cook—and keep on cooking."

Developing cooking skills. Regular home cooking supports:

  • Better control over ingredients and portion sizes
  • More varied and nutritious meals
  • Cost savings compared to eating out
  • Opportunities for family bonding

Tips for successful home cooking:

  • Start with simple recipes and build skills gradually
  • Keep a well-stocked pantry for easy meal preparation
  • Plan meals in advance to reduce stress
  • Involve family members in meal planning and preparation

Remember: Cooking doesn't have to be gourmet to be good. Focus on tasty, satisfying meals that fit your lifestyle.

8. Enjoy vegetables and fruits for their taste, not obligation

"To get the vegetables and fruits you need, eat them because you enjoy them, not because you feel obligated."

Changing perspective on produce. Instead of viewing fruits and vegetables as a chore:

  • Experiment with different preparation methods
  • Focus on flavors and textures you enjoy
  • Allow yourself to use seasonings, sauces, or dips that enhance taste
  • Remember that preferences can change over time

Strategies to increase enjoyment:

  • Try roasting vegetables to bring out natural sweetness
  • Experiment with fruit in savory dishes
  • Use herbs and spices to add interest
  • Pair new vegetables with familiar, liked foods

The goal is to make fruits and vegetables a welcome part of meals, not a dreaded obligation.

9. Master basic cooking techniques for family meals

"Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family is about good food, joyful eating, successful feeding, rewarding food preparation, and emotionally gratifying family meals."

Essential cooking skills:

  • Understanding basic food safety principles
  • Knife skills for efficient food preparation
  • Methods for cooking proteins (grilling, roasting, sautéing)
  • Techniques for preparing vegetables (steaming, roasting, sautéing)
  • Basic sauce-making

Key principles for successful family meals:

  • Plan menus that include variety and familiar foods
  • Cook enough to have leftovers for easy future meals
  • Learn to adapt recipes to suit family preferences
  • Involve children in age-appropriate cooking tasks

Remember: The goal is to create meals that are nutritious, satisfying, and bring the family together.

10. Adapt meals for children without catering to pickiness

"Don't limit menus to foods your child readily accepts, but don't do sadistic menu planning, either."

Balancing consideration and exposure:

  • Always include at least one food your child generally likes
  • Introduce new foods alongside familiar ones
  • Allow children to choose what and how much to eat from what's offered
  • Avoid making separate meals for children

Strategies for encouraging food acceptance:

  • Offer repeated exposures to new foods without pressure
  • Model enjoyment of a variety of foods
  • Involve children in meal planning and preparation
  • Maintain a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere at mealtimes

Remember: Children's tastes develop over time. Your job is to provide opportunities to learn, not force eating.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.20 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family is highly praised for its balanced approach to family meals and eating habits. Readers appreciate Satter's emphasis on structured mealtimes, division of responsibility in feeding, and trust in internal regulation. The book challenges restrictive diets and food rules, promoting a joyful relationship with food. Many find it transformative for addressing picky eating and family dynamics around meals. While some critique outdated information or basic recipes, most reviewers recommend it as essential reading for parents and individuals seeking a healthier approach to eating.

Your rating:

About the Author

Ellyn Satter is an internationally recognized authority on eating and feeding with over 40 years of clinical experience as a dietitian and family therapist. She developed the Satter Feeding Dynamics Model and Satter Eating Competence Model, emphasizing positive relationships with food for better nutritional and emotional health. Ellyn Satter created the division of responsibility in feeding, considered the gold standard for feeding children. Her approach encourages trust, optimism, and joy in eating, challenging restrictive diets and food rules. Satter's work extends beyond nutrition, addressing emotional health and family relationships. The Ellyn Satter Institute helps professionals and the public apply her models to discover the rewards of trusting eating and feeding practices.

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