Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between

1. Consent is fundamental: Clear, ongoing, and enthusiastic agreement is essential

Consent is about educating others on how to treat you and listening for how others want to be treated. It is important because how we treat each other matters.

Defining consent. Consent means freely given, clear permission for sexual activity. It must be:

• Affirmative - expressed through words or actions
• Ongoing - can be revoked at any time
• Enthusiastic - both parties should genuinely want to participate
• Specific - agreeing to one act doesn't imply consent for others
• Given by someone with capacity - not under influence of drugs/alcohol

Consent education. Teaching consent helps prevent assault and promotes healthy relationships. Key lessons include:

• Asking for permission before any sexual activity
• Respecting "no" and stopping immediately if consent is withdrawn
• Checking in regularly during intimate encounters
• Understanding that silence or lack of resistance is not consent
• Recognizing power imbalances that may impact ability to consent

2. Sexual violence is pervasive but preventable through education and intervention

Sexual assault is a national problem that threatens the safety of our schools and the productivity and development of our students.

Alarming statistics. Sexual violence is widespread, especially among youth:

• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are sexually assaulted in college
• 44% of sexual assaults occur before the victim is 18
• 75-80% of victims know their attacker

Prevention strategies. Key approaches to reduce sexual violence:

• Comprehensive sex education focusing on consent and healthy relationships
• Bystander intervention training to empower people to speak up
• Challenging rape culture and harmful gender stereotypes
• Improving institutional policies and reporting procedures
• Promoting survivor support services and trauma-informed care

3. Media and porn distort healthy sexuality; open communication is key

Porn is not created for educational purposes but for entertainment and financial gain.

Media influence. Teenagers are exposed to over 14,000 sexual references annually through media, often promoting harmful stereotypes:

• Objectification of women's bodies
• Unrealistic body standards
• Male aggression as desirable
• Lack of communication or consent in sexual encounters

Porn's impact. Free internet porn can negatively shape teens' views of sex:

• Portrays unrealistic bodies and sexual acts
• Lacks depiction of consent, communication, or protection
• Often involves aggression, especially toward women
• Can create performance anxiety and body image issues

Honest conversations. Parents and educators should openly discuss:

• Media literacy to critically analyze sexual content
• Realistic expectations for bodies and sexual experiences
• Importance of mutual pleasure, respect, and communication
• Healthy ways to explore sexuality and relationships

4. Bystander intervention can prevent assault and support survivors

Bystander intervention doesn't have to jeopardize the safety of the bystander.

Importance of action. Bystanders can often prevent or interrupt sexual violence before it occurs. Intervention shows community intolerance for abusive behavior.

Intervention strategies:

• Direct: Confront the situation
• Distract: Interrupt the interaction
• Delegate: Get help from others
• Delay: Check in with the potential victim later

Overcoming barriers. Address common reasons people don't intervene:

• Fear of misreading the situation
• Not wanting to cause a scene
• Believing it's not their business
• Concern for personal safety

Emphasize that any action, even small, can make a difference. Practice scenarios to build confidence in intervening safely and effectively.

5. Healthy relationships require trust, respect, and effective communication

The foundation of a healthy relationship is effective communication, the ability to actively listen to another, to be present and empathetic.

Key components. Healthy relationships involve:

• Mutual respect and trust
• Open, honest communication
• Equality and shared decision-making
• Support for each other's growth and independence
• Ability to resolve conflicts constructively

Red flags. Warning signs of unhealthy relationships:

• Controlling or manipulative behavior
• Jealousy or possessiveness
• Lack of respect for boundaries
• Verbal or physical abuse
• Pressure to engage in unwanted sexual activity

Building skills. Teach teens to:

• Express needs and feelings clearly
• Listen actively without judgment
• Compromise and problem-solve together
• Respect differences and individual identities
• Prioritize consent and mutual pleasure in sexual encounters

6. Sexual exploration should be safe, ethical, and mutually pleasurable

Good sex is legal, ethical, and feels pleasurable and satisfying for both partners.

Ethical sex. Beyond legal consent, ethical sexual activity involves:

• Mutual desire and enthusiasm
• Clear communication about boundaries and preferences
• Respect for each partner's comfort and pleasure
• Use of protection against STIs and unwanted pregnancy
• Consideration of potential emotional impacts

Pleasure focus. Emphasize that good sex is about mutual enjoyment, not performance:

• Explore what feels good for both partners
• Focus on whole-body sensuality, not just genital stimulation
• Communicate likes and dislikes openly
• Be willing to laugh and be vulnerable together
• Prioritize emotional connection and intimacy

Safety considerations. Discuss practical aspects of safer sex:

• Correct condom and contraceptive use
• Regular STI testing
• Importance of being sober to give consent
• Strategies for setting and respecting boundaries

7. Survivors need support, empowerment, and access to resources

Let your friend know they are in complete control over any next steps. How they proceed is entirely up to them.

Supporting survivors. Key ways to help:

• Believe them unconditionally
• Listen without judgment
• Validate their feelings
• Empower their choices
• Provide information on resources
• Offer to accompany them to services

Available resources. Inform survivors about options:

• Crisis hotlines and online chat support
• Medical care and forensic exams
• Counseling and therapy services
• Legal advocacy and reporting options
• Support groups and peer counseling
• Academic/workplace accommodations

Empowering healing. Emphasize that:

• The assault was not their fault
• There's no "right" way to react or heal
• They deserve support and can reclaim their power
• Professional help is available when they're ready

8. Parents play a crucial role in educating teens about healthy sexuality

As parents, we have to break the silence and talk with our teens about healthy relationships and sexual consent, without shame, guilt, or judgment.

Open dialogue. Start early and have ongoing conversations about:

• Bodies, boundaries, and consent
• Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships
• Media literacy and porn's impact
• Sexual orientation and gender identity
• Safe sex practices and contraception

Strategies for communication:

• Use teachable moments from media or real life
• Be honest about your own values and experiences
• Listen without judgment and avoid lecturing
• Provide accurate information and resources
• Model healthy relationships and communication

Creating a supportive environment:

• Foster open communication about all topics
• Build trust by respecting privacy and autonomy
• Offer unconditional love and support
• Set clear expectations and boundaries
• Be available to listen and help problem-solve

Last updated: November 18, 2024