Talking Back to Purity Culture

1. Purity culture's emphasis on virginity neglects the reality of abuse and God's true source of purity

Virginity is an idol in purity culture that must be dethroned.

Virginity is not purity. Purity culture's focus on physical virginity as the measure of sexual purity neglects the reality of sexual abuse victims and misunderstands the true source of purity in Christ. This emphasis creates shame and confusion for those who have been sexually abused or have engaged in sexual activity, making them feel permanently damaged or less valuable.

Christ is the source of purity. The Bible teaches that our purity comes from Christ's work on the cross, not our own efforts or physical state. This truth offers hope and restoration to all believers, regardless of their sexual history. Purity culture often fails to emphasize this crucial aspect of the gospel.

Holistic view of purity needed. A biblical understanding of purity encompasses more than just physical virginity. It involves the heart, mind, and actions, focusing on loving God and others with our whole being. This perspective allows for a more grace-filled and inclusive approach to sexual ethics within the church.

2. Female responsibility in purity culture perpetuates harmful stereotypes and victim-blaming

When modesty rhetoric confuses culpability, consistently blaming women for the actions of men, we have ceased to be biblical in our approach.

Unbiblical burden on women. Purity culture often places disproportionate responsibility on women to maintain sexual purity, both for themselves and for men. This contradicts the biblical teaching that each person is responsible for their own actions and choices.

Modesty teachings can shame. While modesty has biblical roots, purity culture's approach often shames women for their bodies and natural development. This can lead to unhealthy body image and a distorted view of sexuality.

Victim-blaming mentality. The emphasis on female responsibility can lead to victim-blaming in cases of sexual harassment or assault. This mindset contradicts the biblical call for justice and compassion for the vulnerable.

3. Male purity rhetoric dehumanizes women and oversimplifies the struggle against lust

Instead of encouraging men to view women as sisters, Arterburn and Stoeker talk about how it is impossible to "eliminate attractive women," so they must instead "get zapped" by a man's metaphorical "clicker."

Dehumanizing language. Purity teachings often portray women as temptresses or obstacles to male purity, rather than as fellow image-bearers of God. This perspective can hinder healthy, platonic relationships between men and women in the church.

Oversimplification of male sexuality. Purity culture tends to depict men as constantly battling lust, unable to control their thoughts or actions. This stereotype ignores the complexity of human sexuality and can lead to a sense of hopelessness or inevitability in the struggle against sin.

Need for a holistic approach. A more biblical perspective recognizes that both men and women are called to pursue holiness in all areas of life, including sexuality. This approach emphasizes character development, spiritual growth, and viewing others as whole persons, not just potential sources of temptation.

4. The promise of marriage and sex as rewards for chastity sets unrealistic expectations

Sex is not a reward for good behavior. If it were, all the godly, chaste men and women we know would be married right now, having fantastic sex and making lots of beautiful babies without any struggles with illness or infertility.

False promises create disillusionment. Purity culture often presents marriage and fulfilling sex as guaranteed rewards for those who remain chaste. This sets unrealistic expectations and can lead to disappointment and questioning of faith when these promises don't materialize.

Prosperity gospel influence. The idea that obedience automatically leads to blessings like marriage and great sex reflects a prosperity gospel mindset, not biblical teaching. Scripture shows that faithfulness often coexists with suffering and unfulfilled desires.

Need for realistic expectations. A healthier approach acknowledges that while sex within marriage is a gift from God, it is not guaranteed or perfect. Christians should be prepared for the realities of married life, including potential struggles with intimacy, communication, and adjusting expectations.

5. Purity culture's neglect of long-term singleness, infertility, and same-sex attraction marginalizes many

We create opportunities to be disappointed with God when we put our hope in things he never promised.

Singleness is not a problem to solve. Purity culture often treats singleness as a temporary state to be endured until marriage. This neglects the biblical affirmation of singleness as a valid calling and can make long-term single Christians feel like second-class members of the church.

Infertility and childlessness. The emphasis on marriage and family can unintentionally marginalize those struggling with infertility or those who remain childless. The church needs to provide better support and affirmation for these individuals and couples.

Same-sex attracted believers. Purity culture rarely addresses the experiences of Christians who experience same-sex attraction, leaving them feeling invisible or excluded. A more inclusive approach acknowledges their struggles and supports them in pursuing holiness according to their beliefs.

6. The idolization of sex in purity teachings distorts God's design for intimacy

Sex is wonderful, but it is not the ultimate. When we mistake it for such, we are bound to be disappointed.

Sex becomes an idol. Purity culture's intense focus on sex, even as something to avoid, can inadvertently turn it into an idol. This distorts God's design for sex as a good gift within marriage, but not the ultimate source of fulfillment or identity.

Neglect of other forms of intimacy. The emphasis on sexual purity can lead to a neglect of other important forms of intimacy, such as deep friendships, community, and spiritual connection with God. These are essential for human flourishing, whether married or single.

Unrealistic expectations for marriage. By presenting sex as the ultimate reward, purity culture sets up unrealistic expectations for married life. This can lead to disappointment and difficulties in adjusting to the realities of sexual intimacy within marriage.

7. Sexual abuse victims are often revictimized by purity culture's rhetoric

Too many victims of sexual abuse blame themselves for what happened. This false guilt does not produce the righteousness of God. Peace cannot be achieved on a foundation of lies.

Victim-blaming language. Purity culture's emphasis on personal responsibility and modesty can lead to victim-blaming rhetoric that compounds the trauma of sexual abuse survivors. This contradicts the biblical call for justice and compassion.

Misinterpretation of biblical stories. The way purity culture often interprets stories like David and Bathsheba can reinforce harmful ideas about sexual assault and consent. A more careful reading of Scripture is needed to avoid perpetuating these misconceptions.

Need for trauma-informed approach. Churches must develop a more trauma-informed approach to discussing sexuality and purity, recognizing the prevalence of sexual abuse and providing appropriate support and resources for survivors.

8. God's sexual ethic calls for flourishing as embodied souls, not just rule-following

If we want to sin, we will find a way. If lust is our goal, we will meet that goal, inside or outside the rules.

Holistic view of sexuality. God's design for sexuality encompasses more than just physical acts. It involves our whole being - body, mind, and spirit - and is meant to reflect the intimacy and self-giving love within the Trinity.

Rules alone are insufficient. While boundaries are important, simply following a set of rules does not lead to true sexual flourishing. A deeper understanding of God's character and design for human relationships is needed.

Grace-based approach. A biblical sexual ethic is rooted in God's grace and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit, not just human willpower. This approach emphasizes growth in Christ-likeness rather than mere behavior modification.

9. Open, honest conversations about sexuality in Christian community are essential

The solution is not necessarily to talk about sex more often but more honestly, and in community.

Breaking the silence. Many Christians struggle with sexual issues in isolation due to shame and fear. Creating safe spaces for open, honest conversations can foster healing and growth.

Ongoing dialogue needed. Rather than relegating discussions of sexuality to one-time events or youth group talks, churches should integrate these topics into regular discipleship and community life.

Addressing real-life challenges. Honest conversations should tackle the complexities of living out a biblical sexual ethic in today's culture, including struggles with pornography, masturbation, and navigating relationships.

10. Reevaluating purity culture requires humility and a focus on the gospel, not just behavior modification

We have to start there. If we talk about sexual purity apart from the gospel, we will create chaste Pharisees instead of imperfect disciples.

Willingness to question. Reevaluating purity culture teachings requires humility and a willingness to examine our beliefs and practices in light of Scripture. This process can be uncomfortable but is necessary for growth.

Gospel-centered approach. True sexual purity flows from a heart transformed by the gospel, not just adherence to rules. Teaching on sexuality should always be grounded in the good news of Christ's redemptive work.

Grace for the journey. Recognizing that all believers struggle with sin, including sexual sin, allows for a more grace-filled approach to purity. This creates space for repentance, growth, and the ongoing work of sanctification in community.

Last updated: November 24, 2024