The New One

1. Reluctant Fatherhood: A Comedian's Journey into Parenthood

I never thought I'd meet anyone who'd put up with me. I thought I'd find someone who would pretend to be okay with me and then try to change me, fail, and then divorce me. But that didn't happen. Jen loves me back.

Unexpected journey. Mike Birbiglia, a successful comedian, never planned on having children. His marriage to Jen, a poet who writes under the pseudonym J. Hope Stein, was based on their shared decision not to have kids. However, life had other plans.

Challenging transition. As Jen's desire for a child grows, Mike finds himself grappling with the idea of fatherhood. His journey from reluctance to acceptance is filled with humor, anxiety, and self-reflection. The book explores the fears and insecurities that come with impending parenthood, especially for someone who never saw themselves in that role.

Honest portrayal. Birbiglia's candid and often self-deprecating humor shines through as he navigates the unfamiliar territory of pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenthood. His story resonates with many who find themselves unexpectedly thrust into parenthood, highlighting the universal struggles and joys of this life-changing experience.

2. The Seven Reasons Against Having Kids

I've never wanted to have a kid for seven specific reasons.

Rational resistance. Birbiglia outlines seven reasons for not wanting children:

1. Love for his marriage
2. Health concerns ("My body is a lemon")
3. Lack of knowledge ("I don't know anything")
4. Already having a cat
5. Career commitments
6. Belief that there shouldn't be more children in the world
7. Skepticism about people's inherent goodness

Personal fears. These reasons reflect common anxieties about parenthood, including fear of change in relationships, health worries, and concerns about personal inadequacy. Birbiglia's honesty in expressing these fears makes them relatable to many readers who have similar doubts.

Societal reflection. The list also touches on broader issues like environmental concerns and skepticism about human nature, showing how personal decisions about parenthood can be influenced by larger societal and philosophical considerations.

3. Pregnancy: A Reality-Bending Experience

It's a reality-bending experience because two colossal events occur simultaneously. One is that a human being enters the earth for the first time. The second is that my wife, this person whom I love and cherish and know better than anyone in the whole world—in front of my eyes—becomes a mother.

Transformative period. Pregnancy emerges as a time of profound change, not just physically but emotionally and relationally. Birbiglia describes the surreal nature of watching his wife transform into a mother while he struggles to find his place in this new reality.

Emotional rollercoaster. The pregnancy journey is filled with a mix of emotions:

• Excitement and fear
• Joy and anxiety
• Anticipation and uncertainty

New perspectives. As the pregnancy progresses, Birbiglia begins to see his wife and their relationship in a new light. He grapples with the impending changes to their lives and the weight of responsibility that comes with bringing a new life into the world.

4. The Arrival of "Monkey" and Early Parenting Challenges

We have achieved our goal of getting the monkey out of Jen's body. That said, the monkey is furious. And she isn't wrong. I'd be furious, too, if I came out of the womb. It's just better in there.

Shock of reality. The birth of their daughter, whom Birbiglia affectionately calls "Monkey," brings the reality of parenthood crashing down. The initial days are a blur of exhaustion, confusion, and adjustment as they navigate the demands of a newborn.

Unexpected emotions. Birbiglia's honest portrayal of his initial reactions to fatherhood is both humorous and touching:

• Feeling disconnected from the baby
• Struggling to understand his role as a father
• Experiencing a mix of love, fear, and inadequacy

Learning curve. The early days of parenting are filled with challenges:

• Sleepless nights
• Figuring out basic care tasks
• Adjusting to the new family dynamic

5. Sleep Deprivation and the Struggle to Connect

A sleepwalker and an insomniac walk into a bed... and create a baby whose body won't settle.

Sleep challenges. The combination of Birbiglia's sleepwalking disorder, Jen's insomnia, and their daughter's refusal to sleep creates a perfect storm of sleep deprivation. This exhaustion permeates every aspect of their lives, affecting their relationship and mental well-being.

Connecting difficulties. Birbiglia struggles to connect with his daughter in the early months, feeling like an outsider in his own family. This disconnection is exacerbated by:

• His fear of inadequacy as a father
• The strong bond between mother and baby
• His own childhood experiences and fears

Coping mechanisms. To deal with these challenges, Birbiglia turns to humor and self-reflection, using his comedic skills to process and share his experiences of early fatherhood.

6. Balancing Career and Family: The Intern of the Family

I'm mostly just scared. This monkey in a jumpsuit stares at me with this look like—I don't know anything. Do you know anything?

Role reversal. Birbiglia, successful in his career, finds himself feeling like an intern in his own family. He struggles to find his place and purpose in this new role, often feeling inadequate compared to his wife's natural ability as a mother.

Career vs. family. The challenge of balancing his comedy career with family responsibilities becomes a significant theme:

• Guilt over time spent away from home
• Pressure to provide financially
• Desire to be present and involved as a father

Finding his niche. Gradually, Birbiglia begins to find ways to contribute and connect with his daughter:

• Singing made-up songs
• Taking on specific tasks like grocery shopping
• Using humor to bond with his child

7. Facing Mortality and Health Challenges as a New Parent

I'm thirty-five pounds overweight. We all want to be together. We can't always be together. It is what it is.

Health wake-up call. Birbiglia's journey into fatherhood coincides with a series of health challenges, including a type 2 diabetes diagnosis. This forces him to confront his mortality and lifestyle choices in a new light.

Motivation for change. The desire to be healthy for his daughter becomes a powerful motivator:

• Attempts to improve diet and exercise habits
• Reflections on his own childhood and the kind of father he wants to be
• Struggles with ingrained habits and the difficulty of change

Vulnerability and strength. Birbiglia's honesty about his health struggles and fears adds depth to his story, showing the vulnerability that comes with parenthood and the strength required to face these challenges.

8. The Evolution of Family Dynamics and Relationships

Dad, I love you. No, wait. I'll say it in all caps: I LOVE YOU. I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE FOR ME. AND I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR DAYS AT HOLY CROSS COLLEGE IN THE FALL.

Generational shifts. Becoming a parent prompts Birbiglia to reflect on his own childhood and his relationship with his parents. He grapples with the differences between generations and how to navigate these changes.

Communication challenges. The book explores the difficulties of maintaining relationships while adapting to new roles:

• Tensions with his father over differing worldviews
• Evolving dynamics with his wife as they become parents
• Learning to communicate effectively as a family unit

Growth and understanding. Through these challenges, Birbiglia gains new appreciation for his parents and a deeper understanding of family dynamics. He learns to express love and gratitude more openly, recognizing the importance of these connections.

9. Documenting Parenthood: 525,600 Photos

I notice something in these videos for the first time. My songs have come a long way from "Hiccuptown." I notice something else: Not only do I witness my daughter evolve from the size of a crawling grapefruit to the size of a walking watermelon like a stop-motion animation. But I also see Jen's reaction to Oona and I see mine.

Digital age parenting. The book explores the modern phenomenon of extensively documenting childhood through photos and videos. Birbiglia reflects on the thousands of images and hours of footage they've accumulated in just one year.

Moments of connection. Through reviewing these recordings, Birbiglia gains new insights into his relationship with his daughter and his growth as a father:

• Noticing patterns in their interactions
• Witnessing his daughter's rapid development
• Recognizing his own evolution as a parent

Reflection tool. The documentation serves as a powerful means of self-reflection, allowing Birbiglia to see his journey into fatherhood from a new perspective and appreciate the progress he's made.

10. Natural Causes and the Quest for Healthier Living

Part of my new health regimen is that every Sunday I walk three thousand steps to Whole Foods.

Health priorities. Birbiglia's health challenges prompt a reevaluation of his lifestyle, leading to attempts at healthier living:

• Focus on organic and whole foods
• Increased physical activity
• Learning to swim at the YMCA

Humorous approach. True to his comedic nature, Birbiglia approaches these changes with humor and self-deprecation, making light of the challenges while acknowledging their importance.

Broader perspective. The quest for healthier living extends beyond personal health to considerations of environmental impact and the kind of world they're creating for their daughter:

• Reflections on organic food and its implications
• Thoughts on pollution and environmental responsibility
• Balancing personal health with family and career demands

Last updated: January 23, 2025