The Only Constant

1. Change is Inevitable, Embrace It

Accept change before it makes you reject your reality.

Life's only constant. Change is not merely a part of life; it is life. Resisting change is resisting life itself, leading to a constant state of friction and unhappiness. Embracing change, on the other hand, allows you to flow with the current, transforming you into the person you are meant to be.

Gateway to transformation. Change is the gateway to authentic transformation. It is through navigating the messy, uncertain, and unstable aspects of change that we grow and evolve. Instead of trying to skip the difficult parts, embrace them as necessary steps on the path to becoming your most authentic self.

Opportunities abound. Life will give you opportunities to embrace change, whether you choose them or not. By shifting your perspective and viewing change as a beautiful truth, you can approach these opportunities with openness and courage, allowing them to lead you to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

2. Shift Your Focus to the Desired Outcome

Maybe change is hard because we focus so much on achieving the change itself instead of focusing on what that change will achieve for us.

Change as a path. Change is not the goal, but the path to the life you want. When you focus on the life that change will create, it eases the difficulty of the process. It's about working toward something, not just proving you can do it.

Authentic transformation. Authentic transformation happens when you stop seeing change as the goal and start seeing it as the path to the life you want. This shift in perspective allows you to bypass the self-doubt and judgment that often accompany the change process.

Love as a motivator. Imagine a life filled with the kind of love you've always dreamed of. To create that life, you must be willing to make changes that align with your desired reality. By focusing on the love you want to experience, you can find the motivation to overcome the challenges of change.

3. Acknowledge and Accept the Difficulty

We want the change to happen without having to change anything.

Acknowledge the hard parts. Ease in change comes from acknowledging and accepting that to make change happen, you have to be willing to make changes to your current reality. Some changes will be hard, and that's okay.

Two things can be true. A change can be hard, and it can be done. Believing in yourself and trusting yourself will help you bridge the gap between knowing what you need to do and actually doing it.

Build a bridge. Your voyage will take you over the waters of your old patterning, your beliefs about yourself, every what-if, every fear, and so on. For most of us, we have to build that bridge of self-belief and self-trust as we are crossing it.

4. Break Through, Not Break Down

You are not breaking down. You are breaking through.

Essential step. Change, whether chosen or unchosen, will break the reality in which you are living. This is an essential step in constructing your new reality.

Demolish and rebuild. Think of change like demolishing the space in which you currently reside and rebuilding it on your own terms to look and feel exactly the way you want. The rebuilding requires the demolishing—the breaking.

Breakdown or breakthrough? Consider whether the change you're contemplating will be a breakdown or a breakthrough. Even if it requires a breakdown of your current life, it may be exactly what you need to build the life you want.

5. Honor Your Body's Choices

Have you considered that maybe you’re not choosing to abandon yourself and that maybe your body is choosing what it believes is the safest choice for it?

Body's perception of safety. Your body can perceive change as a threat, even when your mind knows it's the right thing to do. It may feel safer in the presence of the source of pain than when disconnected from it.

Familiarity vs. safety. The familiar will be the safe choice for your body until you start going inward and checking in with your body without judgment. Once you can start allowing your body to be seen and heard by you, then you can break your body’s old definition of “safe.”

Mind-body alignment. You need to honor the choices that your body makes. Don’t look at what feels safe for your body with judgment and shame. It’s not that you aren’t willing to do what your mind knows is best for you, it’s that your body still hasn’t internalized that what it’s living through is actually not safe.

6. Uncertainty is a Gateway to New Possibilities

You go back to that familiar road, and it feels great that you are finally back to a place where you have the safety of knowing. But every single time—I reiterate: Every. Single. Time—you are hit with the same disappointing end…the end to which this road has always led you.

The allure of certainty. Uncertainty is scary because we love security and are more likely to try for something if the outcome is guaranteed. We assume the worst will happen, so we take familiar roads, not new ones riddled with uncertainty.

The tragedy of familiarity. You go back to that familiar road, and it feels great that you are finally back to a place where you have the safety of knowing. But every single time you are hit with the same disappointing end.

Embrace the unknown. Think of all the places you might discover if you just allow yourself to be unanchored and undefined. You might find places that you didn’t even know existed. That’s the beauty of embracing uncertainty.

7. Self-Trust is the Ultimate Remedy for Fear

What you can guarantee is that you will choose how to react in a self-respecting, self-loving way if that were to ever happen again.

Surviving heartache. You can never guarantee that someone won’t hurt you. What you can guarantee is that you will choose how to react in a self-respecting, self-loving way if that were to ever happen again.

Key to overcoming fear. Knowing that you can survive beyond heartache is key. Knowing that your worth is not equal to someone’s decision to mistreat you is key. Knowing that you will not accept being with someone who might hurt you in such a way is key.

Trust yourself. See yourself as the leader of your life. Trust that as difficult and dark as times may get, you will be able to take the steps required to get to the other side.

8. Self-Acceptance and Self-Awareness are Foundational

If you don’t know who you are, and if you are not in full acceptance of who you are, then the home that you are building within is for someone you don’t know and for someone you believe is inherently flawed.

Unlearning and self-discovery. The journey of growing into your true authentic self requires not only a process of asking what it is that you want but first a process of unlearning. There has to be a process of self-discovery and awareness of all the factors that have shaped you into who you currently are.

Acceptance, not perfection. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you have no work to do on yourself. It means accepting yourself as you are, as you are changing, as you are breaking, as you are healing, as you are evolving into the person you know you want to be.

Authenticity is the goal. Without being in full acceptance of all that you are, there will always be an element of shame. And shaming yourself into changing can only be sustained through shame. Authenticity is your goal, so self-compassion your way through your change.

9. Authentic Belonging Requires Authenticity

Are we risking true, authentic belonging; or are we risking belonging that is conditional on us abandoning ourselves?

The irony of belonging. Oftentimes what stops us from changing is the fear of exclusion. One of the most ironic things about wanting to belong is that on our quest to belong, we end up excluding our authentic selves.

Isolation as a pathway. As difficult as it is to live in isolation, even if it’s just in our minds, we have to be willing to see it as a necessary step for healing our understanding of who we are. We have to see it as a pathway to being able to choose who we want to be in our own lives.

Prioritize authenticity. If the changes you believe you need to make for yourself are driven by wanting to belong, slow down. Your job in life is not to find the place where you belong. It is to discover who you are authentically and to live that authentic truth.

10. Radical Acceptance is Key to Unchosen Changes

I acknowledge that I want this reality to be different. I acknowledge that it’s not different. I accept this reality is what it is. I choose to not allow what I cannot control to control me.

Beyond "letting go." Radical acceptance is not just about accepting what is out of your control. It's about acknowledging your desire for things to be different, then choosing not to invest energy in changing what you can't.

Formula for acceptance. The formula for radical acceptance is this: I acknowledge that I want this reality to be different. I acknowledge that it’s not different. I accept this reality is what it is. I choose to not allow what I cannot control to control me.

Befriend your body. When faced with an unchosen change, such as a health diagnosis, befriend your body instead of warring against it. Focus on nourishing it and giving it what it needs to thrive within the new reality.

11. Resilience is Built Through Self-Compassion

Knowing that you can survive beyond heartache is key.

Beyond reassurance. No amount of compassion from others can compensate for the compassion we need from ourselves. If you wholeheartedly believe you don’t deserve compassion, it’s because shame has been an occupant inside of you for so long that it’s hard for you to separate yourself from it.

Self-compassion road. Instead of immediately going to shame, take a detour around the self-judgment road and try the self-compassion road instead. On the self-compassion road, you will sit with yourself and aim to understand how you feel instead of judging yourself.

Snap forward. Resilience has nothing to do with snapping back into any kind of reality that existed before. Rather it has to do with snapping forward into your authentic self and finding safety in being who you are and living as you are.

12. Let Your Authentic Self Lead

It is you who will lead your life. It is you who will make the changes you desire and the changes that you know you need to make.

Necessary path. Change is the necessary path to the life you want. Hardship, or lack of ease, at least, is natural.

Survival mode limits. Oftentimes, when we struggle with making a change, we judge ourselves for being “weak.” The truth is, our bodies have the power to make a choice just as our minds do. So wanting to make a modification that you feel you just can’t is not a sign of weakness.

Validation from within. Start seeking validation from within. That might be hard because you don’t really know who you are. So, make a goal to get to know yourself as you would someone that you’re meeting for the first time.

Last updated: February 23, 2025