The Pastor and Counseling

1. Pastoral counseling is a worthy labor of love for shepherding God's flock

Shepherds do not smell good. At least, good shepherds do not smell good. A good shepherd identifies with stinking sheep, and the scent rubs off.

Pastoral calling. Pastors are called to shepherd God's flock, which often involves caring for hurting, confused, or stubborn sheep. This labor is not always pleasant, but it is a worthy and necessary part of pastoral ministry. Counseling is an opportunity to walk alongside struggling people, demonstrating Christ-like love and care.

Biblical mandate. The Bible presents a clear mandate for pastors to engage in personal ministry. Jesus instructed Peter to "feed my sheep" (John 21:15-19), and the apostle Paul exemplified a ministry that combined public proclamation with personal care (1 Thessalonians 2:8-12). Pastoral counseling is an extension of this biblical model of shepherding.

Christ-centered approach. The ultimate goal of pastoral counseling is to help people grow in Christlikeness. This involves:

• Addressing the presenting problem
• Displaying the relevance of the gospel
• Helping people to grow in faith and obedience to Christ

2. Establish clear goals and a methodical approach to counseling

If we only perpetuate the things we were doing in the initial sessions, we merely overbuild the foundation, and nothing useful is created.

Three-part method. Effective pastoral counseling follows a methodical approach:

1. Listen to the problem
2. Consider heart responses
3. Speak truth in love

This method helps pastors organize the counseling process and ensures that they address the core issues rather than just surface-level symptoms.

Explore four areas. When considering heart responses, pastors should explore how the person is responding to:

• God
• Self
• Others
• Circumstances

By examining these areas, pastors can gain a comprehensive understanding of the counselee's spiritual and emotional state, enabling them to provide more targeted and effective counsel.

3. The initial meeting sets the tone for the counseling relationship

Part of the counseling process occurs outside the meeting. To borrow language from 1 Peter 1:13–14, this homework is part of preparing the mind for action, of setting hope on the grace of Christ, and of compelling a soul away from evil desire.

Establish connection. The first meeting is crucial for building trust and rapport. Pastors should:

• Greet the counselee warmly
• Transition smoothly into the counseling conversation
• Demonstrate trust, mercy, love, and respect

Explore concerns. Use open-ended questions to allow the counselee to express their most pressing issues. Listen actively and ask follow-up questions to gather useful information about heart issues, not just superficial details.

Set expectations. Before concluding the initial meeting:

• Assign preparatory work (e.g., Bible reading, journaling)
• Clarify the counseling process (duration, frequency, boundaries)
• Schedule the next meeting
• Pray together, demonstrating heartfelt interaction with God about the counselee's specific situation

4. Laboring for change requires ongoing exploration and redemptive remedies

Counseling that is truly Christian will have much more: the person and work of Christ will be its theological and practical center. Christ and his gospel must be the foundation, means, and end of our counseling.

Ongoing exploration. Continue to delve deeper into the counselee's concerns by:

• Getting updates on recent developments
• Reviewing assigned preparatory work
• Exploring how the heart is actively responding to current circumstances

Offer redemptive remedies. Provide specific guidance rooted in Scripture and the gospel. Some strategies include:

• Reintroducing God's character and promises
• Challenging unbiblical assumptions and thought patterns
• Contrasting functional and confessional beliefs
• Reframing situations from a biblical perspective
• Uncovering underlying dynamics (e.g., fears, idols)
• Showing consequences of choices
• Confronting sin and reorienting toward Christ
• Setting short-term and long-term goals

Remember that change is often slow and incremental. Patience and persistence are key virtues in the counseling process.

5. The final meeting reviews progress and plans for continued care

Like the final paragraph of many a well-written essay, the final counseling session should summarize the main themes of your counseling.

Review and commend. The final meeting should:

• Summarize the main themes addressed during counseling
• Celebrate positive changes and growth in faith
• Acknowledge God's work in the counselee's life

Provide warnings. Offer hope-filled but sober warnings about potential pitfalls and strategies for maintaining progress.

Plan for ongoing care. Transition the counselee to regular means of grace within the church community:

• Public ministries of the Word (e.g., preaching, teaching)
• Personal ministries of the Word (e.g., small groups, accountability partnerships)
• Private ministries of the Word (e.g., personal Bible study, prayer)

Encourage continued growth and provide resources for self-study and reflection.

6. Foster a culture of discipleship within the church community

Discipleship requires members to labor for each other in love.

Shared responsibility. Cultivate a church culture where discipleship is a shared responsibility among all members, not just the pastor's job. This involves:

• Teaching the biblical mandate for mutual care and discipleship
• Modeling discipleship relationships
• Equipping members to counsel and care for one another

Expectations for members. Communicate clear expectations for church members:

• Meaningful membership that involves commitment to the body
• Willingness to be discipled and to disciple others
• Active participation in the life of the church

Equipping the congregation. Provide training and resources to help members grow in their ability to counsel and care for one another. This can include:

• Teaching on biblical counseling principles
• Offering small group curricula on discipleship
• Inviting members to observe counseling sessions (with permission)

7. Wisely utilize outside resources to supplement pastoral care

As a pastor you serve in a role of spiritual authority over your church members' lives (Ezekiel 34; Heb. 13:7; 1 Pet. 5:1–4). But anyone who has pastored knows that his voice is one among many.

Know your limits. Recognize when to seek additional help:

• When you're maxed out and lack support
• When you've reached the limits of your insight
• When medical or psychiatric issues are present
• When legal reporting requirements arise

Types of outside resources:

1. Church or parachurch counseling
2. Professional counseling
3. Medical or psychiatric help

Criteria for referrals. When referring to outside resources, look for:

• Biblical faithfulness and competence
• A loving, gracious demeanor
• Patience and persistence
• Willingness to communicate with the pastor
• Affordability and accessibility

Remember that referral is not a hand-off of responsibility but a supplement to pastoral care. Maintain spiritual oversight and help members discern the counsel they receive from outside sources.

Last updated: November 19, 2024