The Power of TED

1. The Dreaded Drama Triangle: Understanding Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer roles

"Victimhood is the malaise of humanity. It is everywhere, in every language."

The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) is a toxic pattern of relationships that perpetuates victimhood and disempowerment. At its core are three roles:

• Victim: Feels powerless, helpless, and at the mercy of circumstances
• Persecutor: Blamed for the Victim's woes, often critical and domineering
• Rescuer: Attempts to save the Victim, often enabling dependence

These roles are interchangeable and self-perpetuating, creating a cycle of reactivity and suffering. The DDT is rooted in the Victim Orientation, where individuals focus on problems, react with anxiety, and engage in fight, flight, or freeze behaviors. This orientation is prevalent in human interactions, from personal relationships to global conflicts, and often becomes an unconscious default mode of operation.

2. Shifting from Victim to Creator: Embracing personal power and choice

"The opposite of Victim is Creator."

The Creator Orientation is the antidote to victimhood. It involves:

• Focusing on desired outcomes rather than problems
• Embracing passion and vision as motivators
• Taking responsibility for one's choices and actions

Shifting from Victim to Creator requires a fundamental change in mindset. It begins with recognizing that while we may not control all circumstances, we always have the power to choose our response. This shift allows individuals to move from reactive behaviors to proactive creation of their desired experiences. The Creator stance acknowledges that challenges and setbacks are part of the growth process, viewing them as opportunities for learning and development rather than insurmountable obstacles.

3. The Empowerment Dynamic: Creator, Challenger, and Coach as antidotes

"TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic) is the antidote for DDT, the Dreaded Drama Triangle."

The Empowerment Dynamic (TED)* offers a transformative framework for relationships:

• Creator: Replaces Victim, focuses on desired outcomes
• Challenger: Replaces Persecutor, provokes growth and learning
• Coach: Replaces Rescuer, supports without enabling dependence

These roles foster empowerment, growth, and mutual support. Creators take ownership of their lives and visions. Challengers provide opportunities for growth, whether through constructive feedback or challenging circumstances. Coaches offer support and guidance without taking responsibility away from the Creator. By adopting these roles, individuals can create more fulfilling and empowering relationships in all areas of life, from personal to professional contexts.

4. Focus, Inner State, and Behavior (FISBE): The power of orientation

"What you focus on (your Orientation) determines how you act. It affects just about everything that shows up in your life, too."

The FISBE model illustrates how our orientation shapes our experience:

• Focus: What we pay attention to (problems or outcomes)
• Inner State: The emotions generated by our focus (anxiety or passion)
• Behavior: Actions driven by our inner state (reaction or creation)

In the Victim Orientation, the focus is on problems, leading to anxiety and reactive behaviors. In contrast, the Creator Orientation focuses on desired outcomes, generating passion and proactive steps toward goals. By consciously choosing our focus, we can shift our inner state and behaviors, ultimately transforming our life experiences. This understanding empowers individuals to take control of their mental and emotional states, leading to more intentional and fulfilling lives.

5. Dynamic Tension: Harnessing the creative force between vision and reality

"All tension seeks to be resolved."

Dynamic Tension is the creative force generated between:

• Vision: What we want to create or achieve
• Current Reality: Our honest assessment of where we are now

This tension is a powerful tool for manifesting desired outcomes. By holding both our vision and current reality in mind, we create a natural impulse to resolve the gap between them. This resolution can happen in two ways:

1. Moving current reality toward the vision (creation)
2. Adjusting the vision to match current reality (compromise)

The key is to maintain the tension by staying committed to the vision while honestly assessing and working with current reality. This process drives creativity, problem-solving, and personal growth. It's important to distinguish between the tension itself and any anxiety it may generate, focusing on the creative potential rather than emotional discomfort.

6. Baby Steps: The path to manifesting desired outcomes

"Each of the Baby Steps you take from the Creator stance, you come closer to—or get clearer about—your heart's desires."

Baby Steps are the actionable components of the Creator Orientation:

• Small, manageable actions toward a desired outcome
• 100% within one's control to accomplish
• Provide momentum and clarity in the creation process

Baby Steps break down larger visions into achievable tasks, making progress tangible and maintaining motivation. They allow for continuous learning and adjustment as one moves toward their goals. Each step provides valuable information, either moving closer to the desired outcome or offering insights for course correction. By focusing on Baby Steps, Creators avoid overwhelm and maintain steady progress, even when facing significant challenges or ambitious visions.

7. Making the shift: Practical strategies for embracing The Empowerment Dynamic

"Shift Happens!"

Practical strategies for embracing TED* include:

• Daily affirmation of the Creator role
• Reframing Persecutors as Challengers
• Asking empowering questions as a Coach
• Practicing forgiveness and letting go of the past

Making the shift from DDT to TED* is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort and practice. It involves recognizing Choice Points – moments when we can consciously choose our response and role. Key practices include:

• Asking "What do I want to create?" instead of focusing on problems
• Viewing challenges as opportunities for growth and learning
• Supporting others without enabling dependence
• Cultivating self-awareness to catch and shift Victim patterns

By consistently applying these strategies, individuals can gradually transform their relationships and life experiences, moving from drama and reactivity to empowerment and conscious creation. The shift may be challenging at times, but with persistence, it leads to more fulfilling and purposeful living.

Last updated: September 12, 2024