The Wounded Heart

1. Sexual Harm is More Pervasive Than We Think

In reality, our day is vastly more adversarial, opportunistic, shallow, and violent than ever before.

Normalization of harm. Our culture has normalized many forms of sexual harm, from sexting and pornography to unwanted advances and hookup culture, making it difficult to recognize the extent of the problem. What was once considered shocking is now often dismissed as "no big deal," leading to a dangerous minimization of the impact of sexual abuse.

Ubiquitous exposure. Children are increasingly exposed to sexualized content through music videos, social media, and pornography, often at very young ages. This early exposure can desensitize them to the harm of sexual exploitation and make them more vulnerable to abuse. The internet has become a primary portal for children to encounter pornography, often unintentionally, and this exposure is occurring at younger and younger ages.

Beyond obvious abuse. Sexual harm is not limited to physical violence or penetration. It includes a wide range of behaviors, such as verbal harassment, unwanted touching, and the exploitation of power dynamics. Many people, like Monica, experience subtle forms of abuse that they struggle to name or acknowledge as harmful.

2. Evil Intentionally Targets Sexuality

Sex is God’s idea, and he delights in the sensual pleasure and soul intimacy that grow when one gives fully from the heart to pleasure and be pleasured by one’s covenant lover.

God's design for sex. God created sex as a sacred and sensual gift meant for pleasure, intimacy, and connection within a covenant relationship. It is a reflection of God's own love and a glimpse into the depths of being known and loved.

Satan's perversion. Satan, as God's enemy, hates the beauty and joy of sex and seeks to pervert it through abuse, exploitation, and degradation. He uses sexual harm as a primary means to turn the human heart away from God and to destroy the image of God in humanity.

Spiritual warfare. The battle against sexual abuse is not merely a physical or psychological one; it is also a spiritual battle against the forces of evil that seek to steal, kill, and destroy. Recognizing the spiritual dimension of this struggle is crucial for understanding the depth of the harm and the path to healing.

3. Trauma Resides in the Body

The body remembers.

Mind-body connection. The body is not separate from the mind and soul; it is intimately connected to them. Trauma, especially sexual abuse, leaves a lasting imprint on the body, affecting its physiology, neurology, and overall health.

Physiological responses. Trauma triggers a cascade of stress hormones and physiological responses that can lead to chronic illness, autoimmune disorders, and other health problems. The body's natural stress response system, designed for short-term threats, becomes dysregulated when faced with prolonged or severe trauma.

Body-based healing. Healing from sexual abuse requires addressing the body's response to trauma, not just the mind. This may involve practices such as yoga, massage, breathwork, and other therapies that help to restore balance and integration between mind and body.

4. Shame Curses the Body and Soul

Evil delights in sexual abuse because the return on investment is maximized. It takes but seconds to abuse, but the consequences can ruin the glory of a person for a lifetime.

Shame's power. Shame is a powerful emotion that can lead to self-contempt, isolation, and a distorted view of oneself and the world. It is a primary tool used by evil to mar the beauty of God in humanity.

Arousal and shame. Arousal during abuse, even if involuntary, often leads to intense shame and self-blame. Victims may come to believe that their bodies are evil or that they are responsible for the abuse they endured.

Contempt as a shield. Contempt, whether directed at oneself or others, is often used as a shield to protect against the pain of shame. It is a form of spiritual, relational, and intrapsychic violence that perpetuates the cycle of harm.

5. Covert Abuse is Insidious and Damaging

The more subtle the abuse (especially in a life with far more overt harm), the more likely it is ignored, denied, or minimized.

Subtlety of harm. Covert abuse, such as emotional incest and the normalization of pornography, can be just as damaging as overt forms of abuse. These subtle forms of harm are often overlooked or minimized, making them even more insidious.

Emotional incest. Emotional incest occurs when a parent uses a child to meet their emotional needs, blurring boundaries and creating an unhealthy dependence. This can lead to confusion, guilt, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.

Pornography's impact. The normalization of pornography, especially in childhood, can distort a person's understanding of sexuality and create unrealistic expectations. It can also lead to addiction, relational problems, and a desensitization to the harm of sexual exploitation.

6. Men Face Unique Challenges in Healing

The harm of abuse on men needs to be considered with regard to relationships, sexuality, and struggles with addiction.

Cultural expectations. Men are often socialized to be independent, in control, and sexually aggressive, making it difficult for them to acknowledge their vulnerability and seek help for past abuse. The cultural expectation that men are always "up for sex" can lead to confusion and shame when they experience sexual dysfunction or aversion.

Shame and arousal. Men may struggle with the shame of having experienced arousal during abuse, leading them to believe that they were somehow complicit in the harm. This can create a deep sense of self-loathing and make it difficult to address the trauma.

Emotional expression. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions, making it harder for them to process the pain and trauma of abuse. This can lead to anger, withdrawal, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.

7. Reenactment Perpetuates the Cycle of Harm

Reenactment is being bound to a loop, a repetitive pattern of living out the unaddressed and unresolved harm of the past.

Repetitive patterns. Victims of sexual abuse often find themselves repeating patterns of behavior that mirror their past trauma. This can manifest in unhealthy relationships, sexual compulsions, addictions, and other self-destructive behaviors.

Seeking control. Reenactment is often an attempt to regain a sense of control over the trauma, even if it means repeating the same harmful patterns. The body and mind seek to resolve the past, even if it means recreating the same pain.

Breaking the cycle. Breaking the cycle of reenactment requires awareness, honesty, and a willingness to confront the underlying trauma. It also requires a commitment to choosing new patterns of behavior that lead to healing and wholeness.

8. Kindness is the Key to Unlocking the Heart

It is the love of God that called Jesus to become the one to bear the full weight of all the accusations and debts claimed against us.

Beyond niceness. Kindness is not merely being pleasant or avoiding conflict; it is a powerful force that can break down barriers and open the heart to healing. It is a form of hospitality that welcomes, receives, and honors the other.

Countering ambivalence. Kindness is especially important for those who have been abused, as they may be ambivalent about receiving care and support. It is a way of showing them that they are worthy of love and that their pain is valid.

God's kindness. Ultimately, it is God's kindness that leads to repentance and transformation. It is the love of God that calls us to confront our shame and to embrace the hope of healing.

9. Joy is the Antidote to Despair

To love life is to defend against the one who would take it.

Despair's grip. Evil seeks to kill hope and to trap us in a cycle of despair, dissociation, and indulgence. It wants us to believe that change is impossible and that we are powerless to escape the harm of the past.

Choosing life. To love life is to choose to fight against the forces of darkness and to embrace the courage that God has given us. It means taking up the weapons of God and living a life of love, creativity, and passion.

Resurrection hope. The resurrection of Jesus promises that restoration, full and complete, will one day dawn. Until then, we are called to live with a "furious indifference" to death, embracing both heartache and hope.

10. Forgiveness Breaks the Chains of the Past

Jesus intends to stand against every accusation and claim made against us.

Beyond forgetting. Forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing the harm that has been done; it is about releasing the bitterness and resentment that bind us to the past. It is a process of letting go of the desire for revenge and choosing to move toward healing.

Spiritual warfare. Forgiveness is a powerful weapon against the forces of evil that seek to keep us in bondage. It is a way of disarming the spiritual rulers and authorities that have claimed power over our lives.

Freedom through forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just for the benefit of the abuser; it is for our own freedom. It is a way of reclaiming our hearts and minds from the grip of hatred and bitterness.

11. Transformation Requires a Kingdom Perspective

The war will not ever be finished until the Lord Jesus Christ returns to set his kingdom right in the midst of this broken and scarred world.

Beyond individual healing. Healing from sexual abuse is not just about individual recovery; it is about participating in God's redemptive plan for the world. It is about bringing his kingdom to earth, one story at a time.

Prophetic, priestly, and kingly roles. We are called to be prophets, priests, and kings/queens in our own lives and in the lives of others. This means speaking truth, offering care, and using our power to serve and protect the vulnerable.

Living in the tension. We live in the tension between the "already" and the "not yet," knowing that the full restoration of God's kingdom is still to come. Until then, we are called to live with courage, hope, and a commitment to love and justice.

Last updated: January 15, 2025