Things My Son Needs to Know About the World

1. Parenting is a chaotic, messy, and often incompetent adventure.

Because having kids is in many ways like trying to drive a bulldozer through a china shop. With broken legs. Wearing a back-to-front ski mask. While drunk.

Embrace the chaos. Becoming a parent throws you into a world of poop logistics, sleep deprivation, and baffling baby gear assembly. You'll feel utterly unprepared, like the hospital staff abandoned you to zombies, and simple tasks become Herculean efforts ending in self-inflicted injuries or misplaced children (briefly). This overwhelming reality contrasts sharply with the pre-parent fantasy.

Generational shift. Unlike previous generations who could claim ignorance, modern parents feel immense pressure to know everything thanks to Google. This leads to overthinking, panic-buying endless "crap," and a constant fear of making mistakes. The desire to be the "best" parent clashes with the sheer, unmanageable messiness of the job.

Incompetence is normal. You'll make mistakes, from forgetting diapers to leaving your child in the elevator. You'll feel judged by others and by yourself. But this shared incompetence is part of the journey; you're trying your best in a situation that came with no instructions, often feeling more like a parole officer than a superhero.

2. Life lessons appear in the most unexpected places.

I am not risking this knowledge dying with my generation.

Wisdom from pop culture. Forget dusty philosophical texts; profound insights can be found in video games, wrestling, or sports films. The father passes down crucial knowledge like how to beat the final level of Monkey Island 3 or the moral lessons embedded in the Undertaker and Kane's wrestling saga. These seemingly trivial pieces of information are presented with the same weight as traditional life advice.

Everyday experiences teach. Even mundane places like IKEA or an airport luggage belt can become backdrops for significant reflections. IKEA teaches about compromise and finding joy in shared experiences despite frustration, while the airport prompts thoughts on human nature, conflict, and the absurdity of ignoring simple rules. Life's most valuable lessons are often hidden in plain sight.

Personal anecdotes as parables. The father uses his own embarrassing or frustrating experiences—like the practical joke gone wrong or the dish soap incident—as cautionary tales or humorous illustrations of human folly. These personal stories, however awkward, serve as relatable parables for navigating the world.

3. True love is messy, imperfect, and built on compromise.

People have said lots of things about us, but trust me, no one has ever said that we were destined for each other.

Love defies logic. The father's relationship with the mother is a testament to love existing despite significant differences in background, personality, and interests (like his love for bacon vs. her vegetarianism). They don't "complete" each other in a perfect puzzle piece way; they are fundamentally different individuals who choose each other.

Compromise is key. Marriage involves constant negotiation, from wardrobe space to sofa choices. The father humorously illustrates this through the "pre-eating" ritual before social events with "grown adults" who think soup is food. These compromises, however small or absurd, are the practical foundation of a shared life.

Choosing each other. The most profound aspect of their love isn't a mystical destiny, but the active choice they make every day. The mother, who loves dancing, chose a man with no rhythm; this deliberate choice, and the joy of seeing her dance with their son, teaches the father more about love than any grand declaration.

4. Friendship is your lifelong "band."

I just want you to know you’ll need something in your life that’s never going to change.

Friends are essential. Life demands support, and friends are the people you can rely on for everything from moving furniture to navigating major life events. The father uses the metaphor of starting a band – not for the music, but for the shared purpose and connection it provides, even if the band never leaves the garage.

Different friends, different roles. You'll have friends for specific activities (video games, sports, eating), but the most valuable are those who know your history, accept you as you are, and are simply there when you need them. They are the ones you can call without explanation, whether for a barbecue or after a funeral.

A constant in change. As life changes, friends provide continuity. They are the keepers of your past selves, the ones you can reminisce with about old times and shared inside jokes (like throwing up in an ear). They are the people you can share your biggest news with, like becoming a dad, knowing they'll understand.

5. Navigating the social world of parenting requires thick skin and humor.

Being a good parent is hard. There’s a lot of trial and error. In my case, quite a lot of the latter.

Judgment is everywhere. The parenting community is full of unwritten rules and subtle (or not-so-subtle) judgment. From debates about sugar and screen time to scrutinizing clothing choices and hygiene, parents constantly evaluate each other. This pressure makes you feel like your child is an "identity marker" rather than just a kid.

Humor as a defense. The father's coping mechanism is often inappropriate jokes or sarcastic comments, which frequently backfire and lead to social awkwardness or conflict (like suggesting smoking to curb appetite or calling a playpen an "octagon"). While sometimes alienating, this humor is his way of dealing with the stress and absurdity.

Finding your people. Despite the judgment, you might find kindred spirits among other parents – perhaps the one prioritizing 4G coverage at a preschool meeting. Ultimately, navigating this world means accepting you won't please everyone and finding the few people who tolerate your particular brand of parenting chaos.

6. Defining "being a man" is complex; kindness is key.

Never mistake kindness for weakness.

Evolving masculinity. The definition of "man" changes across generations. The father contrasts his Google-reliant generation with his grandfathers' practical, self-sufficient skills. He acknowledges his own shortcomings but hopes his son will learn from both generations, combining practical skills with emotional intelligence.

Beyond stereotypes. True strength isn't about traditional toughness or never asking for help. It's about standing up for the weak, admitting when you're wrong, and not fearing strong women. The father points to examples like Gareth Thomas coming out to his rugby team as a powerful demonstration of courage and manhood.

Kindness over cruelty. The world contains both good and evil, and people often fall into a middle group, hitting down out of fear. The father implores his son to be different, to choose kindness, to never be mean just because he can, and to never look away from injustice. This moral choice is presented as the most important aspect of being a man.

7.

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Last updated: May 5, 2025