This Momentary Marriage

1. Staying married is about keeping covenant, not staying in love

Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant.

The cultural illusion. Modern society views marriage through the lens of emotional romance, suggesting that when feelings fade, the union should dissolve. However, the biblical vision of marriage is infinitely higher, framing it as a sacred covenant that mirrors Christ's unbreakable commitment to His church.

God's sovereign design. Marriage is fundamentally God's doing and exists for His ultimate display. It is not merely a human contract based on mutual affection, but a divine union where God joins two lives into one flesh.

• It was designed by God in creation.
• God personally gave away the first bride.
• God spoke the covenant into existence.
• God performs the one-flesh union.

Truth over feelings. When couples prioritize covenant-keeping over emotional satisfaction, they tell the truth about God's faithfulness. This enduring commitment provides a secure foundation where love can actually be restored and flourish over a lifetime.

2. Marriage is a temporary parable of an eternal reality

The shadow of covenant-keeping between husband and wife gives way to the reality of covenant-keeping between Christ and his glorified Church.

A momentary gift. Earthly marriage is not an eternal institution; it is a temporary shadow designed for this present age. Jesus made it clear that in the resurrection, people neither marry nor are given in marriage, as the shadow will be swallowed up by the reality it represents.

The ultimate metaphor. The primary purpose of marriage is to serve as a living parable of Christ's relationship with the church. Every marriage, whether the couple recognizes it or not, is designed to display this cosmic love story to a watching world.

• It illustrates Christ's sacrificial love for His bride.
• It demonstrates the church's joyful submission to her Head.
• It showcases the permanence of God's covenant grace.

Reframing our expectations. Recognizing the temporary nature of marriage prevents us from making an idol out of our spouses. When we realize that our ultimate satisfaction lies in Christ, we are freed from demanding that our earthly partners meet our deepest spiritual needs.

3. Vertical grace must be bent horizontally to sustain intimacy

The key to being naked and not ashamed... is the experience of God’s vertical forgiving, justifying grace bent out horizontally to each other...

The vertical foundation. True marital intimacy cannot survive on human effort alone; it requires a constant infusion of divine grace. Husbands and wives must daily receive God's forgiveness and justification through Christ, establishing a secure vertical relationship with their Creator.

Bending grace outward. Once received vertically, this grace must be bent horizontally toward one's spouse. This means treating an imperfect partner with the same unmerited favor, forgiveness, and patience that God has extended to us.

• Forgiving offenses without demanding payment.
• Counting your spouse as righteous in Christ despite their flaws.
• Absorbing hurts rather than retaliating.
• Relying on God's future grace during difficult seasons.

Overcoming the shame. In a fallen world, spouses inevitably hurt and disappoint each other, threatening their emotional and physical vulnerability. By operating in horizontal grace, couples can recreate a safe, shame-free environment where they can be "naked and not ashamed."

4. Forgiveness and forbearance require a "compost pile" for marital friction

We will not pitch our tent by the compost pile.

The reality of friction. Even in the healthiest Christian marriages, two redeemed sinners will inevitably clash due to their remaining selfishness and idiosyncrasies. To survive and thrive, couples must master the dual disciplines of biblical forgiveness and patient forbearance.

The compost pile analogy. Marital friction often produces "cow pies"—annoying habits, minor offenses, and persistent flaws. Instead of letting these offenses dominate the relationship, couples must shovel them onto a metaphorical "compost pile" and walk away to enjoy the rest of the field.

• Acknowledge the presence of flaws and sins honestly.
• Shovel offenses onto the pile through forgiveness and forbearance.
• Refuse to pitch your tent or live next to the pile.
• Focus your attention on the sweet, beautiful areas of your relationship.

Rugged covenant commitment. This practical approach does not minimize sin, but recognizes that personal change takes time. By choosing not to dwell on every minor irritation, couples protect their joy and allow God's grace to work quietly over time.

5. Biblical headship is defined by sacrificial, Christlike servant leadership

Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.

A heavy responsibility. Biblical headship is not a license for a husband to dominate, control, or demand his way. Rather, it is a heavy, God-given responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for his family, modeled directly after Christ's sacrificial love for the church.

The dual expressions. A husband's leadership is primarily expressed through two vital channels: protection and provision, both physically and spiritually. He must take the initiative to ensure his family is cared for and guarded against worldly and spiritual dangers.

• Spiritual provision: Leading in family devotions, prayer, and church involvement.
• Physical provision: Taking primary responsibility to put bread on the table.
• Spiritual protection: Guarding the home against demonic and worldly influences.
• Physical protection: Standing in harm's way to protect his family from physical threats.

The ultimate initiative. Christlike headship means being the first to seek reconciliation, the first to apologize, and the first to lay down one's life. When a husband leads with this level of humility and sacrifice, he becomes a leader no wife regrets following.

6. True submission is a fearless, dignified affirmation of leadership

Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

A noble calling. Biblical submission is often misunderstood as slavish, mindless obedience or a sign of inferiority. In reality, it is a strong, dignified, and voluntary calling for a wife to honor and support her husband's leadership, rooted in her ultimate hope in God.

Rooted in fearlessness. A submissive wife does not get her primary spiritual strength from her husband, but from her deep relationship with God. This vertical hope makes her fearless, enabling her to stand firm in her faith even if her husband is spiritually passive or unbelieving.

• It does not mean agreeing with everything the husband says.
• It does not mean leaving her brain or will at the altar.
• It does not mean putting the husband's will before Christ's will.
• It does not mean acting out of fear or manipulation.

An active partnership. Submission is an active, creative disposition that seeks to help the husband succeed as the leader of the home. It allows for respectful dissent and wise counsel, always aiming to build up the marriage for the glory of God.

7. Singleness is a magnificent calling that highlights the eternal family

God promises those who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children...

An honorable path. Singleness is not a second-class status or a waiting room for marriage, but a highly honorable calling in the kingdom of God. The apostle Paul and Jesus both highly commended singleness for its unique capacity to offer undivided devotion to the Lord's work.

The eternal family. In the new covenant, the family of God grows through spiritual regeneration rather than physical procreation. This means that relationships in Christ are more permanent and precious than natural family ties, giving single believers a vital role in the eternal family.

• God's family grows by faith and regeneration, not physical birth.
• Relationships in Christ are eternal, while marriage is temporary.
• Faithfulness to Christ, not marital status, defines the value of life.
• Single believers can bear abundant spiritual fruit and children.

Spectacular promises. God promises single believers an everlasting name and blessings that surpass the temporary joys of marriage and parenting. By embracing their calling, single Christians display the ultimate reality that Christ is fully sufficient for the human soul.

8. Hospitality is a vital strategy for integrating the church family

Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

A last-days strategy. In a stressful and fragmented world, the practice of Christian hospitality is a powerful witness to the gospel. It is not merely about entertaining guests, but about opening our homes and hearts to show the family-like nature of the church.

Bridging the gap. Hospitality is the practical means by which married couples and single believers integrate their lives. By folding each other into their daily routines, they demonstrate that their primary identity is found in the eternal family of God.

• Married couples inviting single believers to family meals and holidays.
• Single believers hosting married couples and families in their homes.
• Opening homes to those who are lonely, divorced, or widowed.
• Sharing God's varied grace without grumbling or pretense.

Stewardship of grace. Every Christian is a steward of God's diverse grace, called to use their physical resources to refresh others. When we welcome one another as Christ welcomed us, we put the hospitable heart of God on display for the world to see.

9. Marital intimacy is a holy weapon against temptation and a pointer to future joy

A married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible.

A holy design. God created sexual intimacy in marriage not merely for procreation, but as a source of intense physical pleasure and spiritual bonding. When received with thanksgiving and guided by faith, marital sex is holy, clean, and deeply pleasing to God.

A weapon against Satan. Regular, mutually satisfying sexual relations serve as a powerful shield against temptation and demonic attack. By prioritizing each other's physical and emotional satisfaction, husbands and wives protect their covenant from the traps of lust and pornography.

• Viewing the marriage bed as pure and honorable.
• Using physical intimacy to ward off Satan's temptations.
• Prioritizing the spouse's satisfaction over one's own.
• Healing past sexual guilt through the cleansing blood of Christ.

A foretaste of heaven. The exquisite pleasure of marital intimacy is ultimately a physical pointer to the unimaginable spiritual ecstasies we will experience with Christ in eternity. It reminds us that our deepest desires will find their perfect, everlasting fulfillment in the presence of our Savior.

10. Parenting is primarily about raising children to be disciples of Jesus

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The primary mission. The ultimate goal of Christian parenting is not merely to raise successful, well-behaved citizens, but to make children disciples of Jesus Christ. The home is designed to be a spiritual nest where children absorb the truth of the gospel through their parents' lives.

The father's leading role. While both parents must stand united in raising their children, the father bears the leading responsibility for their spiritual upbringing. He must lead by example, demonstrating God's authority, justice, and tender mercy in his daily interactions.

• Establishing a united front between mother and father.
• Showing children what God is like through parental character.
• Avoiding actions and attitudes that provoke children to anger.
• Overcoming anger in the home through Christ's forgiving grace.

A gospel-saturated nest. When children grow up watching their parents live out the covenant-keeping love of Christ and the church, they are positioned to understand the gospel. By conquering anger and extending grace, parents create an environment where faith can take deep, lasting root.