Why Women Have Sex

1. Women's sexual motivations are complex and multifaceted

Why women have sex is surely one of the most fascinating, complex, and enigmatic questions facing the psychology of human motivation.

Diverse motivations. Women's reasons for engaging in sexual activity span a wide spectrum, from love and pleasure to revenge and obligation. These motivations often overlap and can sometimes conflict with one another. Some common reasons include:

• Expressing love and deepening emotional bonds
• Experiencing physical pleasure and orgasm
• Boosting self-esteem or gaining attention
• Relieving stress or boredom
• Seeking adventure or variety
• Fulfilling a sense of duty or obligation

Evolutionary and cultural influences. Women's sexual motivations are shaped by both evolutionary adaptations and cultural norms. Evolutionary psychology suggests that certain motivations, such as seeking high-status partners or being cautious about casual sex, may have roots in our ancestral past. However, cultural factors, including societal expectations and personal beliefs, also play a significant role in shaping sexual behavior and attitudes.

2. Physical attraction is influenced by evolutionary adaptations

Women are drawn to men who signal interest through eye contact and open body posture and social status through space maximization, nonreciprocal intrasexual touch, and a masculine manner of walking.

Evolutionary cues. Physical attraction is often rooted in evolutionary adaptations that signal health, fertility, and genetic quality. Women tend to be attracted to:

• Symmetrical facial features
• Masculine traits (e.g., strong jawline, deep voice)
• Height (taller men are often preferred)
• Shoulder-to-hip ratio (V-shaped torso)
• Scent (indicative of genetic compatibility)

Behavioral and status signals. Beyond physical appearance, women are attracted to behavioral cues that indicate social status, confidence, and resources. These may include:

• Body language (e.g., open posture, confident gait)
• Displays of social dominance or leadership
• Signs of wealth or ambition
• Sense of humor and intelligence

The interplay of these factors creates a complex landscape of attraction, where different women may prioritize various traits based on their own preferences, cultural background, and life circumstances.

3. Pleasure and orgasm play crucial roles in female sexuality

Although women said the depth of feeling was more important, pleasure was, in fact, the number one reason they gave for having sex.

Physiological responses. Sexual pleasure in women involves a complex interplay of physical and psychological factors:

• Genital arousal (increased blood flow, lubrication)
• Non-genital responses (e.g., increased heart rate, flushing)
• Release of hormones and neurotransmitters (e.g., oxytocin, dopamine)

Orgasm and its benefits. The female orgasm, while not necessary for reproduction, serves several potential functions:

• Increased bonding with a partner
• Stress relief and relaxation
• Potential reproductive benefits (e.g., increased sperm retention)
• Enhanced overall sexual satisfaction and relationship quality

Women's ability to experience orgasm varies widely, influenced by factors such as anatomy, sexual experience, partner communication, and psychological state. Understanding these variations can help address common sexual concerns and enhance overall sexual well-being.

4. Love and emotional connection are powerful sexual motivators

Love and emotional closeness were ranked in the top twelve reasons for having sex for women.

Biochemistry of love. Romantic love involves complex neurochemical processes:

• Release of oxytocin and vasopressin (bonding hormones)
• Activation of the brain's reward centers
• Decreased activity in areas associated with negative emotions and critical thinking

Emotional intimacy. For many women, emotional connection is a crucial component of sexual desire and satisfaction. This may manifest as:

• Desire for commitment and long-term bonding
• Increased sexual arousal in the context of emotional intimacy
• Use of sex to express love and deepen emotional connections

The intertwining of love and sex can create powerful motivations for sexual behavior, but it can also lead to complex emotional situations, especially when feelings are not reciprocated or when relationships end.

5. Sexual competition and mate attraction strategies are prevalent

Women compete with each other to develop and display the qualities that men find sexually attractive.

Competitive strategies. Women engage in various forms of sexual competition:

• Enhancing physical appearance (e.g., makeup, fashion)
• Derogating rivals (e.g., spreading rumors about sexual reputation)
• Mate poaching (attempting to attract partnered individuals)
• Displaying desirable personality traits (e.g., warmth, intelligence)

Mate attraction tactics. Women employ diverse strategies to attract potential mates:

• Signaling sexual availability through clothing and body language
• Demonstrating nurturing qualities
• Showcasing unique skills or talents
• Building social connections and status

These competitive and attraction strategies often operate on both conscious and unconscious levels, influenced by evolutionary pressures and cultural norms.

6. Jealousy serves as both a motivator and deterrent in sexual behavior

Jealousy functions, then, to alert a person to a threat; to devote attention to the sources of the threat; and ultimately to motivate action to ward off the threat.

Evolutionary function. Jealousy likely evolved as a protective mechanism:

• Guarding against mate poaching
• Ensuring paternity certainty for men
• Maintaining access to a partner's resources and commitment

Behavioral impacts. Jealousy can influence sexual behavior in various ways:

• Motivating increased sexual activity to "keep" a partner
• Prompting mate retention behaviors (e.g., vigilance, possessiveness)
• Potentially leading to relationship conflict or violence

While jealousy can serve adaptive functions, it can also be a source of significant distress and relationship problems when excessive or unfounded.

7. Duty, adventure, and self-esteem impact women's sexual decisions

Women frequently engage in consensual unwanted sex when, for a number of situational, biological, or relationship reasons, they desire sex less often than a partner.

Sense of duty. Some women engage in sexual activity out of a sense of obligation:

• Fulfilling perceived marital or relationship duties
• Avoiding conflict or disappointment in a relationship
• Conforming to societal expectations

Adventure and curiosity. Sexual exploration can be motivated by:

• Desire for novel experiences
• Testing sexual compatibility with potential partners
• Overcoming sexual inhibitions or expanding boundaries

Self-esteem and validation. Sex can be used as a means of boosting self-worth:

• Seeking attention and admiration
• Validating attractiveness or desirability
• Overcoming feelings of insecurity or inadequacy

These motivations highlight the complex interplay between individual desires, relationship dynamics, and societal influences in shaping women's sexual decisions.

8. Sexual economics: The exchange of sex for resources or status

Women's sexuality is something that women can bestow or withhold, something that men want and value highly, and consequently something that women can use to secure resources that they desire.

Resource exchange. Throughout history and across cultures, sex has been exchanged for various resources:

• Material goods (e.g., money, gifts, housing)
• Social status or advancement
• Protection and security

Modern manifestations. While explicit exchanges are less common in many societies, subtle forms persist:

• Dating expectations (e.g., men paying for dinners)
• "Sugar daddy" relationships
• Sex work and escort services

This economic view of sexuality raises complex ethical and social questions about power dynamics, consent, and the commodification of intimacy.

9. Dark aspects of sexuality: Deception, coercion, and abuse

An astonishingly large number of women sometimes have sex because men deceive them, drug them, verbally coerce them, or physically force them.

Sexual deception. Deceptive practices in sexual contexts include:

• Lying about relationship intentions or status
• Misrepresenting personal qualities or achievements
• Using alcohol or drugs to lower inhibitions

Coercion and abuse. Unfortunately, many women experience sexual coercion or abuse:

• Verbal pressure or emotional manipulation
• Physical force or threats
• Sexual assault and rape

These dark aspects of sexuality can have severe and long-lasting psychological impacts on victims, highlighting the importance of education, prevention, and support services.

10. Sex as medicine: Physical and psychological health benefits

Sex can also ease the pain of menstrual cramps.

Physical benefits. Regular sexual activity can contribute to overall health:

• Pain relief (e.g., headaches, menstrual cramps)
• Improved cardiovascular health
• Strengthened immune system
• Better sleep quality

Psychological benefits. Sex can positively impact mental health:

• Stress reduction and relaxation
• Improved mood and self-esteem
• Enhanced emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction
• Potential cognitive benefits (e.g., memory, focus)

Understanding these health benefits can help promote a more positive and holistic view of sexuality, emphasizing its potential role in overall well-being beyond reproduction and pleasure.

Last updated: February 8, 2025