Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts - Seven Questions to Ask Before (and after) You Marry

What's "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" about?

• Premarital Preparation: The book is designed to help couples prepare for marriage by addressing common myths and misconceptions about marriage.
• Seven Key Questions: It poses seven critical questions that couples should ask before and after they marry to ensure a strong foundation.
• Practical Guidance: The authors, Les and Leslie Parrott, provide practical advice and exercises to help couples develop essential relationship skills.
• Focus on Lifelong Love: The book emphasizes the importance of building a marriage that lasts a lifetime by mastering certain skills and understanding each other deeply.

Why should I read "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Preventative Approach: The book offers a proactive approach to marriage, helping couples address potential issues before they arise.
• Expert Insights: Written by experienced psychologists and marriage therapists, it provides credible and research-backed advice.
• Comprehensive Coverage: It covers a wide range of topics, from communication and conflict resolution to understanding gender differences and spiritual intimacy.
• Practical Tools: The book includes exercises, workbooks, and an online assessment to help couples apply what they learn.

What are the key takeaways of "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Myth Busting: Understanding and debunking common myths about marriage is crucial for a healthy relationship.
• Communication Skills: Effective communication is the foundation of a strong marriage, and learning to say what you mean and understand what you hear is vital.
• Conflict Resolution: Knowing how to fight a good fight and resolve conflicts constructively can strengthen a marriage.
• Spiritual Intimacy: Developing a shared spiritual journey can deepen the connection between partners and provide a sense of purpose.

What are the best quotes from "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" and what do they mean?

• "The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness." This quote emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive attitude in marriage.
• "Conflict is the price you pay for deepening intimacy." It suggests that disagreements are natural and can lead to a stronger bond if handled well.
• "Marriage is not a machine that needs routine maintenance to keep it functioning, but a supernatural event founded upon a mutual exchange of holy pledges." This highlights the spiritual and profound nature of marriage beyond just practical considerations.
• "The sacred secret to becoming soul mates is pursuing a mutual communion with God." It underscores the role of shared spirituality in achieving deep marital intimacy.

How does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" address common myths about marriage?

• Myth One: The book challenges the belief that couples expect the same things from marriage, highlighting the importance of discussing expectations.
• Myth Two: It dispels the notion that everything good in a relationship will automatically get better after marriage.
• Myth Three: The authors argue against the idea that marriage will make all personal problems disappear.
• Myth Four: The book refutes the belief that a spouse will make one whole, emphasizing the need for personal growth and interdependence.

What communication skills does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" emphasize?

• "I" Statements: The book advises using "I" statements instead of "you" statements to express feelings without blaming.
• Reflective Listening: It encourages practicing reflective listening to ensure partners feel heard and understood.
• Empathy and Warmth: Developing empathy and warmth is crucial for effective communication and understanding each other's perspectives.
• Gender Differences: Understanding and accepting communication differences between men and women can improve marital interactions.

How does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" suggest handling conflicts?

• Identify Hot Topics: The book recommends identifying and discussing potential conflict areas before they escalate.
• Avoid Destructive Styles: It warns against criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which can harm relationships.
• Constructive Fighting: Couples are encouraged to fight fair by stating feelings directly and avoiding put-downs.
• Conflict Resolution Tools: The book provides practical tools like the "X, Y, Z" formula to help couples express their feelings constructively.

What role does spiritual intimacy play in "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Ultimate Meaning: Spiritual intimacy is presented as the ultimate meaning of marriage, providing a deeper connection between partners.
• Shared Spiritual Journey: Couples are encouraged to embark on a shared spiritual journey to strengthen their bond.
• Faithfulness and Forgiveness: The book highlights how marriage reveals God's faithfulness and forgiveness, essential for a lasting relationship.
• Spiritual Disciplines: Worship, service, and prayer are recommended as disciplines to nurture the soul of the marriage.

How does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" address gender differences?

• Biological and Psychological Differences: The book acknowledges inherent differences between men and women in brain structure and psychological focus.
• Achievement vs. Relationships: It explains that men often focus on achievement while women focus on relationships, affecting marital dynamics.
• Meeting Unique Needs: Understanding and meeting the unique needs of each gender can bridge the gap and enhance intimacy.
• Celebrating Differences: The book encourages couples to celebrate rather than eliminate gender differences for a more fulfilling marriage.

What exercises and tools does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" provide?

• Workbooks and Self-Tests: The book includes workbooks with self-tests to help couples apply the concepts and improve their relationship.
• Online Assessment: An online premarital assessment is available to evaluate relationship strengths and areas for growth.
• Practical Exercises: Exercises like "Sharing Withholds" and "Improving Your Serve" are designed to enhance communication and service in marriage.
• Discussion Starters: Questions for reflection at the end of each chapter facilitate meaningful conversations between partners.

How does "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" suggest cultivating happiness in marriage?

• Positive Attitude: The book emphasizes the importance of choosing a positive attitude regardless of circumstances.
• Avoiding Saboteurs: It warns against self-pity, blame, and resentment, which can undermine marital happiness.
• Adjusting to Circumstances: Couples are encouraged to adjust to things beyond their control and find contentment in every situation.
• Habit of Happiness: Developing the habit of happiness is presented as a key factor in a successful marriage.

What is the SYMBIS approach mentioned in "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts"?

• SYMBIS Mission: The SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) approach is a mission to prepare couples for lifelong love.
• Research-Based: It is based on decades of research and experience in marriage counseling and education.
• Comprehensive Framework: The approach provides a comprehensive framework for addressing key aspects of marriage, from communication to spiritual intimacy.
• Practical Application: SYMBIS includes practical tools, exercises, and assessments to help couples build a strong foundation for their marriage.