Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts

What's "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" about?

• Focus on Remarriage: The book is designed to help couples entering a second marriage navigate the unique challenges they face, such as blending families and dealing with past relationship baggage.
• Nine Key Questions: It poses nine critical questions that couples should ask before and after they remarry to ensure a strong foundation for their new marriage.
• Practical Tools and Exercises: The book includes exercises and self-tests to help couples apply the concepts and improve their relationship dynamics.
• Authored by Experts: Written by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, who are experienced in relationship counseling and have authored several books on marriage.

Why should I read "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Tailored for Remarriage: It specifically addresses the complexities of second marriages, which are often overlooked in general marriage advice.
• Proven Strategies: The book offers research-backed strategies and insights from the authors' extensive experience in marriage counseling.
• Comprehensive Approach: It covers a wide range of topics, from communication and conflict resolution to spiritual intimacy and family blending.
• Practical Application: With workbooks and exercises, it provides actionable steps to help couples strengthen their relationship.

What are the key takeaways of "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Understand Expectations: Couples should discuss and align their expectations for the marriage to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Communication is Crucial: Effective communication is the foundation of a successful marriage, and the book offers techniques to improve it.
• Blending Families: The book provides guidance on how to successfully integrate children from previous marriages into the new family unit.
• Spiritual Intimacy: Developing a shared spiritual life can deepen the connection between partners and provide a strong foundation for the marriage.

What are the best quotes from "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" and what do they mean?

• "The trick is to get the right attitude in spite of atmospheric conditions." This quote emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive attitude in marriage, regardless of external circumstances.
• "Conflict is the price you pay for deepening intimacy." It suggests that disagreements are a natural part of marriage and can lead to greater closeness if handled well.
• "Marriage is not a machine that needs routine maintenance to keep it functioning, but a supernatural event founded upon a mutual exchange of holy pledges." This highlights the spiritual and profound nature of marriage beyond just practical considerations.
• "The sacred secret to becoming soul mates is pursuing a mutual communion with God." This underscores the importance of spiritual connection in achieving true intimacy in marriage.

How does "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" address communication issues?

• Identify Communication Styles: The book helps couples recognize their unique communication styles and how they can complement or clash with each other.
• Effective Techniques: It introduces techniques like "I" statements and reflective listening to improve understanding and reduce conflict.
• Gender Differences: The book explores how men and women communicate differently and offers strategies to bridge these gaps.
• Practice Exercises: Couples are encouraged to engage in exercises that enhance their communication skills and foster open dialogue.

What advice does "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" offer for blending families?

• Respect Existing Bonds: The book advises respecting the children's existing relationships with their biological parents and not trying to replace them.
• Gradual Integration: It suggests taking a slow approach to integrating families, allowing relationships to develop naturally over time.
• Discipline Dynamics: The biological parent should initially handle discipline, with the stepparent gradually taking on more responsibility as relationships strengthen.
• Create New Traditions: Establishing new family traditions can help unite the family and create a sense of belonging for everyone.

How does "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" suggest handling past relationship baggage?

• Acknowledge Past Issues: The book encourages couples to openly discuss and acknowledge any unresolved issues from previous marriages.
• Healing and Forgiveness: It emphasizes the importance of healing from past hurts and forgiving oneself and others to move forward.
• Create a Clean Slate: Couples are advised to consciously create a new beginning, free from the shadows of past relationships.
• Professional Help: Seeking counseling or therapy is recommended for those struggling to let go of past baggage.

What role does spiritual intimacy play in "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Foundation of Marriage: Spiritual intimacy is presented as a crucial foundation for a strong and lasting marriage.
• Shared Spiritual Practices: The book encourages couples to engage in shared spiritual practices, such as prayer and worship, to deepen their connection.
• God's Role in Marriage: It highlights the belief that marriage reflects God's love and faithfulness, providing a model for couples to emulate.
• Soul Mates Concept: Achieving spiritual intimacy is key to becoming true soul mates, as it aligns the couple's values and purpose.

How does "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" address conflict resolution?

• Healthy Conflict: The book teaches that conflict is a natural part of marriage and can lead to growth if managed properly.
• Rules for Fighting Fair: It provides rules for fair fighting, such as avoiding criticism and contempt, to prevent destructive arguments.
• Understanding Triggers: Couples are encouraged to identify and understand their conflict triggers to better manage disagreements.
• Constructive Communication: The focus is on using constructive communication techniques to resolve conflicts and strengthen the relationship.

What are the nine questions posed in "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts"?

• Readiness for Remarriage: Are you truly ready to get married again, considering past experiences and current circumstances?
• Facing Myths: Have you faced the myths of remarriage with honesty, such as the belief that everything will be perfect this time?
• Love Style: Can you identify your love style and understand how it affects your relationship dynamics?
• Happiness Habit: Have you developed the habit of happiness, focusing on positive attitudes and gratitude?
• Communication Skills: Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear, ensuring effective communication?
• Gender Differences: Have you bridged the gender gap, appreciating and understanding the differences between men and women?
• Conflict Management: Do you know how to fight a good fight, resolving conflicts constructively?
• Blending Families: Do you know how to blend a family, integrating children from previous marriages successfully?
• Spiritual Connection: Are you and your partner soul mates, sharing a deep spiritual connection?

How does "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts" help couples prepare for remarriage?

• Self-Assessment Tools: The book includes self-assessment tools to help couples evaluate their readiness for remarriage.
• Practical Exercises: It offers practical exercises to address key areas such as communication, conflict resolution, and family blending.
• Guidance for Unique Challenges: The book provides specific guidance for the unique challenges faced by remarried couples, such as dealing with ex-spouses and stepchildren.
• Focus on Long-Term Success: The emphasis is on building a strong foundation for long-term success, rather than just addressing immediate concerns.