Try Softer

What's "Try Softer" about?

• Focus on gentleness: "Try Softer" by Aundi Kolber is about moving away from the high-pressure, "try harder" mentality and embracing a gentler, more compassionate approach to life.
• Integration of faith and psychology: The book combines insights from psychology and Christian faith to help readers manage anxiety, stress, and trauma.
• Practical tools and methods: It offers practical tools and methods to help readers connect with their emotions, bodies, and spiritual selves.
• Path to healing and joy: Ultimately, the book guides readers toward a life of connection, healing, and joy by learning to be kinder to themselves.

Why should I read "Try Softer"?

• For those feeling overwhelmed: If you often feel overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, or the demands of life, this book offers a new approach to managing these feelings.
• Holistic healing approach: It provides a holistic approach that integrates emotional, physical, and spiritual healing.
• Practical and relatable: The book is filled with relatable stories and practical exercises that can be easily incorporated into daily life.
• Encouragement and support: Aundi Kolber's compassionate voice offers encouragement and support, making readers feel understood and less alone in their struggles.

What are the key takeaways of "Try Softer"?

• Compassionate self-attention: Learning to pay compassionate attention to oneself is crucial for healing and growth.
• Understanding trauma and emotions: The book emphasizes understanding how trauma and emotions are stored in the body and how they affect behavior.
• Building resilience: It teaches readers how to build resilience by expanding their window of tolerance and improving vagal tone.
• Integration of faith: The book integrates Christian faith with psychological principles, offering a unique perspective on healing and personal growth.

How does Aundi Kolber define "trying softer"?

• Gentle approach: "Trying softer" means approaching life with gentleness and compassion rather than force and pressure.
• Listening to the body: It involves listening to the body's signals and responding to them with care and understanding.
• Emotional regulation: The concept includes learning to regulate emotions and stay within one's window of tolerance.
• Surrender and acceptance: It encourages surrendering control and accepting one's limitations as a path to strength and resilience.

What are some practical exercises from "Try Softer"?

• Grounding exercises: The book includes grounding exercises to help readers stay present and connected to their bodies.
• Mindfulness practices: It offers mindfulness practices to cultivate awareness and nonjudgmental attention.
• Breath prayers: Breath prayers are suggested as a way to calm the nervous system and connect with God.
• Pendulation technique: The pendulation technique helps readers move between comfort and discomfort to process emotions safely.

How does "Try Softer" address trauma?

• Understanding trauma's impact: The book explains how trauma affects the nervous system and can lead to hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
• Window of tolerance: It introduces the concept of the window of tolerance, which is the range of emotional arousal a person can handle.
• Healing through integration: Healing involves integrating traumatic experiences into one's narrative in a way that reduces their emotional charge.
• Compassionate attention: The book emphasizes the importance of compassionate attention to oneself as a key component of trauma recovery.

What role does faith play in "Try Softer"?

• Faith as a resource: Faith is presented as a resource for healing, offering a sense of safety and connection.
• God's compassion: The book highlights God's compassion and loving-kindness as a model for how readers should treat themselves.
• Scriptural support: It uses scripture to support the idea that God values both the spiritual and physical aspects of humanity.
• Integration with psychology: Faith is integrated with psychological principles to provide a comprehensive approach to healing.

What are the best quotes from "Try Softer" and what do they mean?

• "Be excessively gentle with yourself." This quote emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and kindness in the healing process.
• "Trying softer is the path that leads to true connection and joy." It suggests that a gentle approach to life can lead to deeper relationships and happiness.
• "Our bodies are prophets." This highlights the idea that our bodies hold wisdom and can guide us toward healing if we listen to them.
• "You are a shiny, resilient gem who has learned to survive hard things." This quote acknowledges the strength and resilience of those who have faced adversity.

How does "Try Softer" help with emotional regulation?

• Naming emotions: The book encourages naming emotions to help integrate them into one's experience and reduce their intensity.
• Riding the wave: It teaches readers to ride the wave of emotions, allowing them to peak and then dissipate naturally.
• Grounding and containment: Techniques like grounding and containment are used to manage overwhelming emotions and stay within the window of tolerance.
• Curiosity and compassion: Approaching emotions with curiosity and compassion helps in understanding and processing them effectively.

What is the "window of tolerance" in "Try Softer"?

• Emotional regulation range: The window of tolerance is the range of emotional arousal a person can handle without becoming overwhelmed.
• Hyperarousal and hypoarousal: Moving outside this window can lead to hyperarousal (fight/flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/dissociation).
• Expanding the window: The book provides strategies to expand one's window of tolerance, increasing resilience and emotional regulation.
• Staying within the window: Techniques like grounding, mindfulness, and breath work help individuals stay within their window of tolerance.

How does "Try Softer" address the internal critic?

• Self-compassion: The book emphasizes self-compassion as a way to counteract the harshness of the internal critic.
• Mindfulness and kindness: It encourages mindfulness and kindness toward oneself to reduce self-judgment and shame.
• Common humanity: Recognizing that suffering is a common human experience helps reduce feelings of isolation and self-criticism.
• Affirmations and self-talk: The book suggests using affirmations and positive self-talk to replace negative internal dialogue.

What is the significance of "surrender" in "Try Softer"?

• Letting go of control: Surrender involves letting go of the need to control everything and trusting in a higher power.
• Empowerment through surrender: Paradoxically, surrender can lead to empowerment by allowing individuals to focus on what they can control.
• Safety and trust: Surrender is possible when individuals feel safe and trust in their own resilience and support systems.
• Path to resilience: By surrendering, individuals can build resilience and learn to navigate life's challenges with greater ease.