A Love Letter Life

1. Patient pursuit: Building a strong foundation through friendship

"We had a deep desire to add excitement and creativity to our communication and also to chronicle the growth of our love. Letters seemed perfect."

Friendship first. Jeremy and Audrey's love story began with a two-year friendship before they started dating. This patient pursuit allowed them to build a strong foundation of trust, shared interests, and mutual understanding. They focused on getting to know each other without the pressure of romantic expectations, which ultimately led to a deeper connection.

Creative communication. To maintain their connection during long periods apart, they committed to writing letters to each other. This intentional form of communication allowed them to express their feelings, share experiences, and create a tangible record of their growing love. By prioritizing friendship and finding creative ways to stay connected, they laid the groundwork for a lasting relationship.

2. Integrating, not isolating: The importance of community in relationships

"We were adamant about integrating rather than isolating."

Seeking affirmation. Jeremy and Audrey actively sought the opinions and approval of their friends and family regarding their relationship. This integration allowed them to receive valuable feedback and support from trusted individuals who knew them well.

Avoiding relationship bubbles. By involving their community, they prevented the common pitfall of becoming isolated in their relationship. This approach helped them:

• Gain outside perspectives on their compatibility
• Receive wisdom from more experienced couples
• Maintain healthy friendships and family relationships
• Create a support system for their relationship

3. Breaking down walls: Overcoming emotional barriers for deeper connection

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God."

Identifying barriers. Both Jeremy and Audrey had emotional walls that needed to be addressed. Jeremy's experience with fame and reality TV led him to be guarded, while Audrey's independent nature made her hesitant to fully open up.

Vulnerability and honesty. Breaking down these walls required:

• Open communication about fears and insecurities
• Willingness to be vulnerable and share past experiences
• Patience and understanding as each partner worked through their issues
• Commitment to creating a safe space for emotional intimacy

By actively working to break down these emotional barriers, they were able to achieve a deeper level of connection and intimacy in their relationship.

4. Creative love: Nurturing relationships through intentional acts

"Love that lasts isn't something we can easily fall in and out of. Nor is it something that just happens to us. Love that lasts is an unconditional pursuit full of uncompromising sacrifices."

Intentional gestures. Jeremy and Audrey emphasized the importance of creative and thoughtful expressions of love. Some examples include:

• Jeremy's handmade kerosene lamp gift
• Audrey's surprise visit to Santa Barbara
• Reading books aloud together over Skype
• Sending care packages with meaningful items

Love languages. They discovered the value of understanding each other's love languages and tailoring their expressions of affection accordingly. This approach helped them:

• Communicate love more effectively
• Feel more appreciated and understood
• Strengthen their emotional connection

By consistently finding new and meaningful ways to express their love, they kept their relationship fresh and exciting, even during challenging times.

5. Navigating long-distance relationships: Strategies for maintaining connection

"We were determined to connect even when we felt so disconnected. We were determined to communicate despite our faces freezing on the screen or our calls getting dropped."

Intentional communication. Jeremy and Audrey developed strategies to maintain their connection despite the physical distance:

• Writing handwritten letters
• Scheduling regular Skype dates
• Reading the same books and discussing them
• Sharing experiences through care packages and small gifts

Balancing independence and togetherness. They learned to:

• Support each other's individual growth and pursuits
• Create shared goals and dreams for the future
• Be fully present during their limited time together
• Trust in their commitment despite the challenges of separation

By focusing on quality communication and shared experiences, they were able to strengthen their relationship despite the physical distance between them.

6. The purity battle: Balancing physical intimacy and spiritual values

"Even though we won the virginity battle, we lost the purity battle."

Navigating temptation. Jeremy and Audrey openly discuss their struggles with maintaining physical boundaries before marriage. They emphasize that purity is about more than just abstaining from sex, but also about guarding one's heart and mind.

Practical strategies. To help maintain their commitment to purity, they implemented several boundaries:

• Setting alarms for when to say goodnight
• Avoiding lying down together when watching movies
• Being accountable to trusted friends and mentors
• Communicating openly about temptations and struggles

They stress the importance of having honest conversations about physical intimacy and establishing clear boundaries to protect both partners' spiritual and emotional well-being.

7. Preparing for marriage: Illuminating the past and imagining the future

"Illuminating the past (moving backward) helped us develop a strategy, a playbook of sorts, for imagining our future (moving forward)."

Premarital counseling. Jeremy and Audrey emphasize the value of thorough premarital counseling. Key aspects included:

• Sharing life stories and spiritual journeys
• Discussing family backgrounds and potential generational sins
• Exploring expectations for marriage, family, and future goals
• Addressing potential areas of conflict or misunderstanding

Practical preparation. Beyond emotional and spiritual preparation, they also focused on:

• Aligning their visions for the future
• Making practical decisions about living arrangements and finances
• Discussing how to balance career goals with family life
• Creating a shared mission statement for their marriage

By thoroughly examining their pasts and aligning their visions for the future, they laid a strong foundation for their marriage.

8. Conflict resolution: Developing a code for healthy disagreements

"The health of our marriage would be determined not by an absence of conflict, but rather by our ability to handle conflict well."

Code of conflict. Jeremy and Audrey developed a set of rules to guide them through disagreements:

• Don't fight in public
• Hold hands while resolving conflict
• Eliminate "never" and "always" from statements
• Have cooling-off periods when needed
• Always say "I forgive you"
• Pray about issues more than talking about them

Expectation management. They learned to communicate their expectations clearly before events or situations to prevent misunderstandings and potential conflicts.

By establishing these guidelines, they created a framework for addressing disagreements in a healthy and productive manner, strengthening their relationship in the process.

9. The road to oneness: Unifying decisions, possessions, and vision

"We believe that the point of marriage is not limited to the marriage itself. Rather, marriage is a vehicle through which we get to participate in something bigger, the grand plan of a mighty God."

Shared decision-making. Jeremy and Audrey emphasize the importance of making major decisions together, such as:

• Choosing to film their wedding for television
• Deciding on career paths and living arrangements
• Managing finances as a team

Unified vision. They stress the importance of:

• Creating a shared mission statement for their marriage
• Setting annual goals as a couple
• Regularly discussing their long-term vision for their family and life together

By approaching their marriage as a unified team with a shared purpose, they strengthen their bond and work together toward common goals.

10. Protecting love: Establishing boundaries, rhythms, and prayer

"Boundaries are the protective rail lines of our love."

Setting boundaries. Jeremy and Audrey established clear boundaries to protect their relationship:

• Limited social media use, especially on Sundays
• No phone use during date nights or in bed
• Transparency with opposite-sex friendships and communications

Creating rhythms. They developed consistent patterns to nurture their relationship:

• Weekly date nights
• Annual trips together
• Regular check-ins to discuss their marriage and goals

Prayer and spiritual connection. They emphasize the importance of:

• Praying together regularly
• Maintaining individual spiritual practices
• Seeking God's guidance in their relationship

By implementing these protective measures, they create a strong foundation for their love to grow and thrive, even in the face of challenges.

Last updated: November 18, 2024