A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

1. Life is a story, and you are the main character

A character is what he does.

Life as narrative. Our lives are stories unfolding in real-time, with us as the protagonists. Every decision we make, every action we take, shapes our narrative. Just as in literature or film, the most compelling life stories have clear goals, face obstacles, and undergo transformations.

Authoring your life. Recognizing life as a story empowers us to become active authors rather than passive observers. We can consciously craft our character arc, choose our plotlines, and decide how we want our story to unfold. This mindset shift from simply living to intentionally creating our life story can lead to more purposeful and fulfilling experiences.

Elements of a good story:

• A character who wants something
• Conflict or obstacles to overcome
• Growth and transformation
• Memorable scenes and moments
• A sense of purpose or meaning

2. Good stories require characters who want something and overcome conflict

If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vacuum cleaner, we are living stupid stories.

Desire drives narrative. The strength of a story lies in the protagonist's desires and the lengths they'll go to achieve them. In life, having clear goals and ambitions gives our narrative direction and purpose. Without strong wants or desires, our stories become stagnant and uninteresting.

Conflict as catalyst. Obstacles and challenges are not just inevitable in life; they're essential for a compelling story. Overcoming conflict is what allows characters (and people) to grow, learn, and transform. Embracing difficulties rather than avoiding them can lead to richer, more meaningful life experiences.

Key elements of a compelling life story:

• Clear goals and ambitions
• Willingness to face challenges
• Personal growth through overcoming obstacles
• Taking risks and stepping out of comfort zones
• Persistence in pursuit of desires

3. Embrace discomfort and risk to create meaningful experiences

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.

Comfort zone limitations. Staying within our comfort zones may feel safe, but it rarely leads to growth or memorable experiences. The most significant moments in our lives often come from taking risks and embracing uncertainty.

Growth through challenge. Pushing ourselves beyond our perceived limits—whether physically, emotionally, or intellectually—is how we discover our true capabilities. These experiences of discomfort and risk are what shape our character and provide the material for compelling life stories.

Examples of embracing discomfort for growth:

• Taking on a challenging new project at work
• Traveling to an unfamiliar place alone
• Learning a difficult new skill
• Having difficult but necessary conversations
• Pursuing a long-held dream despite fear of failure

4. Memorable scenes and moments define a life well-lived

We teach our children good or bad stories, what is worth living for and what is worth dying for, what is worth pursuing, and the dignity with which a character engages his own narrative.

Creating lasting memories. The most impactful stories, both in fiction and in life, are built on vivid, memorable scenes. These are the moments that stand out in our memories and shape our perceptions of our life's narrative.

Intentional experiences. Rather than passively waiting for memorable moments to occur, we can actively create them. This involves being present in our experiences, seeking out unique opportunities, and sometimes going out of our way to make ordinary moments extraordinary.

Ways to create memorable scenes in life:

• Celebrate milestones in unique ways
• Plan surprise experiences for loved ones
• Take spontaneous adventures
• Create traditions that hold special meaning
• Document important moments through photos, journals, or mementos

5. Relationships and shared experiences form the core of our stories

The thing about writing a story is that you get to live inside it for a while, and a good story makes you feel alive in ways that you can't imagine.

Connections as plot drivers. Our relationships with others often form the central plotlines of our life stories. The bonds we form, the conflicts we navigate, and the shared experiences we create with others give our narratives depth and meaning.

Collective storytelling. While we are the main characters in our own stories, we also play supporting roles in the stories of others. Recognizing this interconnectedness can lead to more empathy, stronger relationships, and a richer overall narrative.

Building meaningful relationships:

• Invest time and effort in cultivating deep connections
• Share vulnerable moments and authentic conversations
• Create shared goals and experiences with others
• Support others in their personal growth journeys
• Recognize and appreciate the roles others play in your story

6. Pain and conflict are essential for personal growth and transformation

You have to go there. You have to take your character to the place where he just can't take it anymore.

Transformation through adversity. Just as literary characters evolve through conflict, real personal growth often stems from challenging experiences. Embracing difficulties rather than avoiding them can lead to profound personal development.

Reframing hardship. Instead of viewing pain and conflict as purely negative, we can see them as opportunities for growth, learning, and strengthening our character. This perspective shift can help us navigate difficult times with more resilience and purpose.

Ways pain and conflict contribute to growth:

• Developing resilience and coping skills
• Gaining new perspectives and insights
• Discovering inner strength and capabilities
• Building empathy through shared struggles
• Clarifying personal values and priorities

7. Finding purpose beyond yourself leads to a more fulfilling narrative

The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either.

Transcendent purpose. Stories that resonate most deeply often involve characters pursuing goals larger than themselves. Similarly, finding a sense of purpose that extends beyond personal gain can give our lives greater meaning and satisfaction.

Impact and legacy. Considering how our actions affect others and what we'll leave behind can help shape a more meaningful life narrative. This doesn't necessarily mean grand gestures, but rather consistent actions aligned with our values and aimed at positively impacting the world around us.

Ways to find and pursue meaningful purpose:

• Identify causes or issues you're passionate about
• Volunteer or engage in community service
• Mentor others or share your knowledge and skills
• Create art or work that inspires or helps others
• Make conscious choices aligned with your values and desired impact

8. Accept that life won't be perfect, but it can still be beautiful

I've noticed something. I've never walked out of a meaningless movie thinking all movies are meaningless. I only thought the movie I walked out on was meaningless. I wonder, then, if when people say life is meaningless, what they really mean is their lives are meaningless.

Imperfection as reality. Accepting that life will never be perfect can actually lead to greater contentment. This mindset allows us to appreciate the beauty in imperfection and find joy in the journey rather than fixating on an idealized destination.

Finding beauty in reality. Instead of chasing an unattainable utopia, we can learn to see the beauty in our everyday experiences, relationships, and personal growth. This perspective shift can lead to a more grateful and fulfilling life narrative.

Strategies for embracing life's imperfections:

• Practice gratitude for what you have
• Focus on progress rather than perfection
• Find meaning in the process, not just outcomes
• Appreciate the lessons learned from mistakes and setbacks
• Cultivate mindfulness to fully experience present moments

9. Create your own inciting incidents to propel your story forward

If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back.

Proactive storytelling. In literature, inciting incidents kick-start the plot. In life, we can create our own inciting incidents by taking bold actions, making significant changes, or setting ambitious goals. This proactive approach keeps our life story dynamic and engaging.

Avoiding stagnation. Without self-created inciting incidents, our lives can fall into predictable routines. By regularly challenging ourselves and seeking new experiences, we keep our personal narratives fresh and exciting.

Ways to create personal inciting incidents:

• Set challenging personal or professional goals
• Take up a new hobby or learn a new skill
• Make a significant life change (e.g., career shift, relocation)
• Commit to a long-term project or adventure
• Face a long-held fear or insecurity

10. The power of forgiveness in healing and moving forward

I'm sorry, he said. And he cried. A tear came down his cheek, and he put down his beer and reached his hand over the arm of his chair to the couch, and I took his hand. I'm sorry, he repeated, his voice breaking with emotion. Do you forgive me?

Forgiveness as liberation. Holding onto anger or resentment can stagnate our personal growth and keep us trapped in painful chapters of our story. Forgiveness, both of others and ourselves, can be a powerful catalyst for moving our narratives forward.

Healing through understanding. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning hurtful actions, but rather choosing to release the hold they have on us. This often involves developing empathy and understanding for others' perspectives, as well as compassion for our own mistakes and shortcomings.

Steps towards forgiveness and healing:

• Acknowledge the pain and its impact
• Seek to understand the other person's perspective
• Release the desire for revenge or punishment
• Choose to let go of resentment
• Focus on personal growth and moving forward
• Seek professional help if needed for deep-seated issues

Last updated: August 15, 2024