Dad Tired and Loving It

1. Embrace Humility: You're a "Towel Boy," not an expert.

I’m willing to join you in chasing after the Perfect Father as together we learn what it means to raise children who passionately follow him.

Humility in parenting. Just like the author wasn't a gym expert but a towel boy, most dads aren't parenting experts. It's okay not to have all the answers or be a "superdad." The goal isn't perfection but a willingness to learn and grow alongside your family.

Learning together. Instead of pretending to be the ultimate authority, invite your family to learn with you. This journey of spiritual leadership is about stumbling forward together, seeking wisdom from God's Word and relying on the "Perfect Father."

Focus on Jesus. Don't look for secret formulas or parenting trends. The real need is Jesus. Your role is to chase after Him and help your wife and children do the same, acknowledging your own need for growth and guidance.

2. See the Bigger Story: The Gospel is fixing a broken world, and you're part of it.

Following Jesus doesn’t just mean we get to avoid hell. Following Jesus means we get to be part of experiencing heaven coming to earth today.

World is broken. We live in a world where brokenness, evil, and tragedy have become the "new normal," but this isn't how things were designed. From the Garden of Eden, humanity chose satisfaction outside of God, leading to shame, friction, and death.

God's rescue mission. Despite our turning away, God didn't abandon us. He promised to fix the mess and is actively working to restore things to the way they were meant to be. Jesus's miracles of healing and forgiveness were glimpses of this restored "normal" and the kingdom of heaven breaking into earth.

You are included. Amidst the daily chaos of being a tired dad, remember you are part of this grand, unfolding story of redemption. God is transforming your heart and equipping you to participate in this work in your children's lives, pointing them toward His relentless love.

3. Marriage as Gospel Picture: Love your wife relentlessly, showing kids God's love.

Your marriage was designed by God to help you become more like him and also to give you—and the world—a picture of his amazing love for us.

Marriage is hard. What starts with romantic expectations often becomes challenging, exposing our flaws and selfishness. Marriage isn't primarily for our pleasure or happiness, but for our holiness, revealing areas where we need to grow.

Relentless pursuit. Just as God, our "husband," relentlessly pursues us, His often unfaithful "bride," we are called to love our wives with the same unwavering commitment. This isn't a sappy love based on feelings, but a sacrificial love that stays and pursues even when things are difficult.

Greatest gift. Loving your wife like Christ loves the church is the most powerful way to show your children the gospel. When they see you and their mother fully known and fully loved, they get a tangible picture of God's love for them, a gift that lasts forever.

4. Parenting Goal: Raise Passionate Disciples, not just moral kids.

As Christians, our goal isn’t to raise the smartest, most successful, or most moral children. Our goal is to raise disciples of Jesus who are madly in love with him.

Worldly vs. Kingdom goals. Society often defines success for children as being happy, healthy, and successful (smart, talented, popular). Jesus' definition of "blessed" is counter-cultural, highlighting the poor in spirit, those who mourn, and the persecuted – those who rely on Him.

Kids imitate. Children are natural disciples; they watch and learn from your every move. Your actions, passions, and priorities speak louder than your words. They will likely end up loving what you love and not loving what you don't.

Passion is contagious. If you want your kids to be passionate about Jesus, you must be passionate about Him yourself. Don't just offer Jesus casually; insist that they join you in the adventure of following Him, knowing that salvation is the only gift that lasts forever.

5. Just Start Leading: Don't let perfectionism or paralysis stop you.

A spiritual leader knows it’s better to stumble his way through than to make no effort at all.

Analysis paralysis. Many dads freeze when it comes to spiritual leadership, overwhelmed by options or fear of making mistakes. Like choosing syrup or navigating a new gym class, trying to have all the information before starting leads to inaction.

Be a lead learner. You don't need to be an expert; you need to be willing to learn alongside your family. Be a guide who points out God's work around you, exploring His Word together and practicing what you learn, even if you stumble or get the timing wrong.

Life is short. Your life is a mist, and your time to influence your children is limited. Don't wait to figure everything out. Initiate spiritual conversations, explore faith together, and trust that God will honor your effort and use your imperfections for His glory.

6. Overcome Shame: God is with you in your brokenness; confess and heal.

God didn’t wait for any of those people to be perfect before drawing near to them. And he’s not waiting for you to be perfect to draw near to you.

Sin leads to hiding. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we hide in shame when we sin, convinced God wouldn't want to be near us if He knew everything. This shame can paralyze us from leading our families spiritually.

God is Immanuel. The God of the Bible has a consistent reputation for being with broken and messy people – walking in the garden, dwelling in the desert, living among us in Jesus, and residing in believers through the Spirit. He doesn't bail; He draws near.

Confess and heal. You are already forgiven in Christ, but shame can linger. Confess your sins not just to God but also to trusted brothers for healing. Step out of hiding; your family needs a broken man being healed by grace to guide them when they fall short.

7. Seek Kingdom Adventure: Find fulfillment in God's work, not worldly distractions.

Partnering with God to see lives changed is way more thrilling than fantasy football, a new Jet Ski, or getting drunk with your friends.

Men crave adventure. This God-given desire often leads men to seek fulfillment in worldly "leftovers" like pornography, material possessions, or fleeting entertainment when they become bored with the mundane.

God's great adventure. God invites us to join Him in the most exciting mission: redeeming shattered hearts, communities, and the world. Seeing God work and participating in His redemptive project offers a far deeper and more lasting adventure than any worldly pursuit.

Live like missionaries. See your family as a team sent by God to bring His kingdom to your neighborhood and beyond. This requires sacrifice of time, money, and comfort, but it satisfies the soul's longing for purpose and adventure in ways worldly things cannot.

8. Make All Life Discipleship: Teach God's Word in every moment, not just devotionals.

Spiritual leaders don’t just do family devotionals. They see all of life as a family devotional and use every opportunity to point their kids toward Jesus.

Beyond compartments. Don't compartmentalize faith into a short "Jesus time" each day. Deuteronomy instructs us to teach God's Word diligently in every situation: sitting, walking, lying down, and rising. Jesus modeled this by integrating Scripture with real-life circumstances.

Life is the classroom. Kids learn best when they see God's Word applied to real life. Use everyday moments – a sunset, a difficult interaction, a shared meal, a mistake – to point them back to biblical truths and God's character.

Integrate faith. Your children need to see that following Jesus is an all-consuming way of life, not just a set of values or stories. By consistently connecting God's Word to their experiences, you help them understand what it truly means to follow Him with their whole heart.

9. Build Memorials: Create reminders of God's faithfulness to combat forgetfulness.

God seems to be aware that if we aren’t constantly reminding ourselves and our children of who he is and what he has done, we are prone to forget.

Spiritual dementia. Like the Israelites forgetting God's miracles or the author's friend Ronald forgetting he was cheating, we are all prone to forget God's faithfulness quickly. This forgetfulness leads to anxiety, doubt, and drifting from God.

Create reminders. God commanded the Israelites to build memorials (like stacking stones) and write His words on their homes to remember His work. We need intentional visual and experiential reminders in our homes and lives to combat our tendency to forget.

Intentional traditions. Develop family traditions and create physical memorials (like a gratitude vase, photo wall, or framed vows) that prompt conversations about God's goodness and character. These reminders help your family remember who God is and what He has done, pointing them back to Him constantly.

10. Be Intentional: Don't drift; actively choose where you're heading in life and faith.

Like Dan said, it’s a slow fade. It’s one small decision after another, day after day, that leads us to Nebraska.

Unintentional drift. Many men find themselves far from where they intended to be as husbands and fathers, not because of a single bad decision, but a slow, unintentional drift caused by countless small choices over time.

Busyness vs. Intentionality. Being busy providing or working hard isn't enough. You must be intentional about where your life is headed. Are you actively choosing to move towards "Aspen" (a life centered on God and family) or passively drifting towards "Nebraska" (dissatisfaction and distance)?

Choose your direction. Evaluate your priorities and make conscious decisions that align with your desired destination. Don't let the urgent crowd out the important. Be deliberate in seeking God, investing in your marriage, and leading your children towards Him.

Last updated: May 3, 2025