Date Your Wife

1. Marriage begins with a date and a dream

Every man's marriage begins just like mine—with a date and a dream.

First impressions matter. The foundation of marriage is laid during the first date, setting the tone for the relationship. This initial encounter often ignites a spark that leads to a lifelong commitment. The dream that drives a man to pursue his future wife continues to shape their marriage long after the wedding day.

Dreams evolve over time. As couples grow together, their initial dreams may transform. Some men enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, while others have carefully considered their future together. Regardless of the starting point, it's crucial for couples to regularly revisit and refine their shared dreams.

Common marriage dreams:

• A conflict-free relationship
• A partner who fulfills every need
• A marriage that honors God and brings joy
• A relationship that's different from one's parents

2. God invented marriage for cultivation and guardianship

God gave Adam and God gave us a mission to accomplish. But God never told Adam and never told us to measure ourselves by the mission. God gave us a different standard of measurement.

Marriage is a divine invention. God created marriage as a unique union between a man and a woman, designed for mutual growth and protection. This relationship is meant to reflect God's love for humanity and serve as a testimony to His goodness.

Husbands have a dual responsibility. Men are called to cultivate and guard their marriages, mirroring God's instructions to Adam in the Garden of Eden. Cultivation involves nurturing growth, fostering intimacy, and encouraging personal development. Guardianship requires protecting the relationship from external threats and internal decay.

Key aspects of cultivation and guardianship:

• Emotional support and encouragement
• Spiritual leadership and growth
• Physical intimacy and affection
• Financial stewardship
• Protection from negative influences

3. Husbands are the primary problem in marriages

If you want to change a marriage, change the man. Why? Because the man is what is wrong, and the man is what, made right, alters the course of everything.

Accountability is crucial. While both spouses contribute to marital issues, husbands must take primary responsibility for the health of their marriages. This perspective empowers men to initiate positive change and lead by example.

Transformation begins with self-awareness. Men must honestly assess their shortcomings and actively work to address them. This process often requires humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to seek help from others, including mentors, counselors, or trusted friends.

Common areas for husbands to improve:

• Communication skills
• Emotional intelligence
• Time management and prioritization
• Conflict resolution
• Spiritual leadership

4. Religion destroys marriages, but the gospel renews them

A man comes alive when he finally feels in his guts that religion can't fuel his life or his marriage, when he makes the painfully sweet discovery that there is only one fuel source that can get the engine running again: grace.

Religion vs. grace. Many men approach marriage with a religious mindset, focusing on rules, performance, and earning love. This legalistic approach often leads to frustration, resentment, and a lack of genuine intimacy. In contrast, embracing the gospel of grace frees couples to love each other unconditionally.

The power of the gospel. When husbands understand and apply the message of God's unmerited favor, it transforms their approach to marriage. Grace enables men to forgive freely, serve selflessly, and love sacrificially, mirroring Christ's love for the church.

Gospel-centered marriage principles:

• Forgiveness and reconciliation
• Unconditional love and acceptance
• Mutual submission and service
• Gratitude and celebration of God's gifts

5. The gospel gives couples a new identity, record, power, and future

The gospel doesn't just give you a new identity and a new record, it also gives you a new power.

Identity transformation. The gospel redefines a couple's identity, shifting their focus from performance-based worth to acceptance in Christ. This new identity as beloved children of God provides a solid foundation for marriage.

Clean slate and fresh start. Through Christ's sacrifice, couples receive a new record, free from past sins and failures. This forgiveness allows partners to extend grace to one another and build trust without the burden of past mistakes.

Supernatural empowerment. The Holy Spirit provides couples with the power to love sacrificially, forgive completely, and grow continually. This divine enabling transcends human limitations and allows marriages to thrive.

Gospel benefits for marriage:

• Freedom from shame and guilt
• Ability to forgive and seek reconciliation
• Strength to persevere through difficulties
• Hope for continued growth and transformation

6. Dating your wife requires both an air war and ground war strategy

To date your wife well, to cultivate and guard your marriage, you need both an air war and a ground war.

Strategic planning is essential. Successful marriages require intentional effort on both large and small scales. The "air war" involves big-picture planning and significant gestures, while the "ground war" focuses on daily habits and consistent acts of love.

Balance is key. While grand gestures and special occasions are important, the daily interactions and small acts of kindness often have the most significant impact on a marriage. Couples must strive to maintain a balance between these two approaches to keep their relationship strong and vibrant.

Air war strategies:

• Annual getaways or vacations
• Celebrating milestones and anniversaries
• Long-term goal setting and planning

Ground war tactics:

• Daily expressions of affection
• Regular date nights
• Consistent communication and check-ins

7. Prepare your wife to become her future glory-self

Dating your wife is helping your wife become her future glory-self.

Eternal perspective. Marriage is not just about the present; it's a preparation for eternity. Husbands should view their role as helping their wives become the best version of themselves, both in this life and the next.

Cultivating growth. By consistently encouraging, supporting, and challenging their wives, husbands can foster personal and spiritual growth. This process involves patience, understanding, and a commitment to lifelong learning and development.

Ways to nurture your wife's growth:

• Encourage her strengths and talents
• Support her spiritual disciplines
• Provide opportunities for learning and exploration
• Offer constructive feedback and loving correction
• Celebrate her achievements and progress

Last updated: November 6, 2024