I Kissed Dating Goodbye

1. Redefine dating: Pursue purposeful relationships, not casual romance

"Dating may seem an innocent game, but as I see it, we are sinning against each other. What excuse will we have when God asks us to account for our actions and attitudes in relationships?"

Rethink casual dating. The modern dating culture often encourages short-term relationships focused on personal pleasure rather than long-term commitment. This approach can lead to emotional pain, regret, and a pattern of failed relationships. Instead, consider a more intentional approach to relationships that focuses on friendship, character development, and preparing for marriage.

Pursue purpose-driven relationships. Rather than engaging in casual dating, focus on building meaningful friendships with the opposite sex. Look for opportunities to serve together, engage in group activities, and get to know each other in various contexts. This approach allows you to assess compatibility and character without the pressure and emotional entanglement of romantic involvement.

Benefits of redefining dating:

• Reduced emotional baggage
• Clearer perspective on potential partners
• Stronger foundation for future marriage
• Increased focus on personal growth and serving others

2. Cultivate a God-centered approach to relationships and personal growth

"God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God."

Prioritize spiritual growth. Instead of focusing solely on finding a romantic partner, concentrate on developing your relationship with God. This shift in priority will help you make wiser decisions in relationships and prepare you for a stronger future marriage.

Seek God's wisdom. Turn to scripture, prayer, and godly counsel when making decisions about relationships. This approach will help you navigate the complexities of emotions and attraction while keeping your focus on honoring God.

Ways to cultivate a God-centered approach:

• Regular Bible study and prayer
• Active involvement in a church community
• Seeking mentorship from mature Christians
• Evaluating relationships based on biblical principles

3. Guard your heart: Protect yourself from emotional and physical compromise

"Purity is the entrance to the splendor of God's creation. 'Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart...'"

Recognize emotional vulnerabilities. Be aware of the dangers of premature emotional intimacy. Guard against becoming too emotionally invested in a relationship before there is a clear commitment or direction.

Set clear boundaries. Establish physical and emotional boundaries in your relationships to protect yourself and others from compromise. This includes being mindful of situations that could lead to temptation or misunderstandings.

Practical ways to guard your heart:

• Avoid prolonged one-on-one time in private settings
• Maintain accountability with trusted friends or mentors
• Be honest about your intentions and expectations
• Limit physical affection before commitment

4. Embrace singleness as a gift and opportunity for personal development

"Until you realize God's gift of your singleness, you'll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds."

Reframe your perspective. Instead of viewing singleness as a waiting period or a problem to be solved, see it as a valuable season of life with unique opportunities for growth and service.

Maximize your freedom. Use your single years to pursue education, develop skills, travel, serve others, and deepen your relationship with God. These experiences will enrich your life and prepare you for future relationships and responsibilities.

Ways to embrace and maximize singleness:

• Pursue personal passions and interests
• Invest in deep friendships
• Engage in mission trips or volunteer work
• Develop practical life skills
• Focus on career development

5. Develop character and seek it in potential partners

"Character is what you are in the dark when no one but God is watching."

Focus on inner qualities. While physical attraction and compatibility are important, prioritize the development of godly character in yourself and look for it in potential partners. This includes traits such as integrity, humility, selflessness, and a genuine faith.

Observe actions, not just words. Pay attention to how a person treats others, handles responsibilities, and responds to challenges. These behaviors often reveal more about a person's character than their words or appearance.

Key character traits to develop and look for:

• Integrity and honesty
• Humility and teachability
• Selflessness and servant-heartedness
• Emotional maturity and self-control
• Commitment to personal and spiritual growth

6. Practice selfless love and service in all relationships

"True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it dies to its own needs."

Cultivate a servant's heart. In all your relationships – family, friends, and romantic interests – focus on how you can serve and bless others rather than what you can gain from them. This mindset reflects Christ's love and prepares you for the selflessness required in marriage.

Look beyond feelings. While emotions are an important part of relationships, true love is demonstrated through actions and commitment, even when feelings fluctuate. Practice making choices based on what is best for others, not just what feels good in the moment.

Ways to practice selfless love:

• Actively look for ways to meet others' needs
• Listen attentively without interrupting or judging
• Offer forgiveness and grace freely
• Sacrifice your own preferences for others' benefit
• Encourage and support others' goals and dreams

7. Build a strong foundation of friendship before pursuing romance

"Friendship is about something other than the two people in the relationship; intimacy is about each other."

Prioritize friendship. Before considering a romantic relationship, focus on developing a strong friendship. This allows you to get to know each other's true character, values, and interests without the pressure and emotional intensity of romance.

Engage in shared activities. Look for opportunities to serve together, participate in group activities, and spend time in each other's social circles. This provides a more realistic view of the person and helps you assess compatibility in various contexts.

Benefits of building friendship first:

• Clearer perspective on compatibility
• Reduced risk of premature emotional attachment
• Stronger foundation for potential future romance
• Opportunity to observe character in various situations

8. Involve trusted mentors and family in your relationship decisions

"Make your parents your teammates."

Seek wisdom from others. Don't navigate relationships in isolation. Involve trusted mentors, family members, and mature friends in your decision-making process. They can offer valuable perspective, advice, and accountability.

Be open to input. Cultivate humility and be willing to listen to concerns or advice from those who know you well. While you ultimately make your own decisions, the insights of others can help you avoid blind spots and make wiser choices.

Ways to involve mentors and family:

• Regular conversations about relationships
• Inviting potential partners to family gatherings
• Seeking counsel before making major relationship decisions
• Maintaining accountability with trusted friends

9. Maintain purity and set clear boundaries in relationships

"Set your standards too high."

Establish clear guidelines. Before entering a relationship, decide on your physical and emotional boundaries. Be specific and communicate these boundaries clearly to your partner.

Avoid compromising situations. Be proactive in avoiding situations that could lead to temptation or compromise. This might include limiting time alone together, especially in private settings.

Practical tips for maintaining purity:

• Agree on physical boundaries early in the relationship
• Plan group activities instead of one-on-one dates
• Maintain accountability with trusted friends
• Avoid situations that could lead to temptation
• Focus on building emotional and spiritual intimacy

10. Prepare for marriage through personal growth and practical skills

"Marriage won't transform us into new people; it will only act as a mirror, showing what we already are."

Develop practical life skills. Use your single years to learn and practice skills that will be valuable in marriage, such as financial management, cooking, home maintenance, and conflict resolution.

Work on personal growth. Focus on developing emotional maturity, communication skills, and spiritual depth. These qualities will serve you well in all relationships, including marriage.

Areas to focus on in preparation for marriage:

• Financial management and budgeting
• Cooking and meal planning
• Home maintenance and organization
• Conflict resolution and communication skills
• Emotional intelligence and self-awareness
• Spiritual disciplines and biblical understanding

Last updated: January 22, 2025