Love Without Limits

1. Never Give Up on Love, You Are Worthy

Never give up on love if love is what you want, because God planted that desire in your heart for a purpose.

God's purpose for love. The desire for love and companionship is a God-given longing placed in our hearts for a reason. Despite facing deep insecurities due to being born without limbs, the author held onto the hope that he was worthy of love and that someone was out there for him. This belief sustained him through years of loneliness and heartbreak.

Overcoming self-doubt. Growing up, the author feared no woman would ever love or marry him, a fear sometimes echoed by those close to him. These doubts were devastating after failed relationships, making it hard to stay positive. However, the conviction that he was a creation of a loving Father meant he was inherently worthy of love, a truth he had to constantly remind himself of.

Lessons from heartbreak. Past rejections and failed relationships, though painful, served as necessary lessons. They taught him what he didn't want and prepared him to fully appreciate the unconditional love he eventually found. These experiences, while difficult, ultimately made him stronger and more grateful for the gift of lasting love.

2. True Love Looks Beyond Outward Appearance

As you get older you realize that there is more to love than physical attraction.

Beyond the surface. Early in life, the author admits he focused on conventionally attractive and popular girls, a hypocrisy given his own desire to be accepted despite his physical differences. He learned that true beauty lies within a person's mind, values, and heart, often hidden from a superficial glance.

Accepting differences. Both Nick and Kanae experienced being seen as "different" growing up – Nick due to his lack of limbs, and Kanae due to her mixed Japanese-Mexican heritage in a small Mexican town. These experiences taught them the importance of looking deeper and being open to getting to know people who don't fit preconceived notions of the "perfect" person.

Empathy from experience. Growing up with disabilities and facing rejection, Nick understood the pain of being judged solely on appearance. Kanae's background also fostered empathy. This shared understanding of being "different" helped them connect on a deeper level, valuing character and spirit over physical form.

3. Trust the Spark and God's Plan

After that phone call from Nick, I had no doubts at all that our coming together was part of God’s plan.

An undeniable connection. From the moment they first locked eyes, both Nick and Kanae felt an intense spark and attraction, something neither had experienced before. Despite initial complications, including Kanae being in another relationship and a misunderstanding involving her sister, the feeling that their meeting was divinely orchestrated persisted.

Signs of destiny. Kanae was questioning her current relationship, praying for clarity on the kind of man God intended for her – someone committed to God and willing to fight for their love. Nick, unaware of her thoughts, called her out of the blue and expressed his commitment to fighting for their relationship if it progressed. This uncanny timing solidified her belief in God's plan.

Overcoming obstacles. Their path to being together was fraught with challenges:

• Long distance (Nick traveling globally, Kanae in Texas)
• Kanae's existing relationship
• A matchmaking mix-up involving Kanae's sister
• Nick's fear of rejection after past hurts
• Kanae's insecurities about Nick's celebrity status
  Despite these hurdles, they felt God was at work, guiding them toward each other.

4. Build Love on a Foundation of Friendship and Trust

Relationship experts say that bonds are often strongest among couples who begin as friends and build upon shared interests and values.

Friendship first. After resolving initial misunderstandings, Nick and Kanae began their relationship cautiously, focusing on building a strong friendship. They spent hours talking on the phone and via Skype, sharing their stories, thoughts, and feelings, which allowed them to discover shared interests and values.

Communication challenges. Despite their deep connection, they faced humorous communication issues due to their different accents and English as a third language for Kanae.

• Kanae's mispronunciations ("toach" for touch, "moos-tetch" for mustache, "expensier" for more expensive)
• Nick's grammatical errors ("Mom and Dad is coming")
  These linguistic mishaps became a source of laughter and bonding, highlighting their shared experience of adapting to a new culture and language.

Sharing insecurities. Their courtship allowed them to share personal insecurities: Nick's fears related to his disability and worthiness, and Kanae's stemming from her family background and feeling less accomplished than Nick. Understanding and easing each other's fears strengthened their bond, proving that shared vulnerabilities can be a source of connection.

5. Prepare for Marriage by Discussing What Matters

You should only step into that commitment if you truly love the person and want to spend your life with her.

Beyond romance. While the early glow of love is enjoyable, couples contemplating marriage must move beyond infatuation to discuss critical topics that impact long-term compatibility and commitment. Marriage is a partnership that requires aligning on fundamental aspects of life.

Essential pre-marriage discussions:

• Family Issues: Navigating relationships with in-laws, holiday traditions, geographical proximity.
• Spiritual Beliefs: Sharing the same faith and depth of commitment, agreeing on religious practices and raising children.
• Financial Matters: Discussing debt, credit, financial goals, money management, and expectations about work.
• Relationship Experiences: Sharing past hurts and lessons learned to understand each other's sensitivities.
• Marital Intimacy: Discussing expectations, fidelity, and addressing any past trauma or concerns.
• "Elephant-in-the-Room" Issues: Addressing sensitive topics like disabilities, chronic illness, political differences, or cultural expectations.

Honesty and transparency. Openly discussing these potentially difficult subjects before marriage is crucial for building trust and ensuring both partners have realistic expectations. It's better to address potential conflicts early than to have them surface destructively later in the marriage.

6. Make Your Proposal and Wedding a Celebration of Shared Love

Think of your engagement proposal, and the wedding ceremony too, as setting the tone for your marriage and your life together.

Personal and meaningful. The marriage proposal and wedding should reflect the couple's unique love story and values, rather than being overly elaborate or focused on external validation. Nick's proposal, involving a cream puff and a sailboat, was designed to be personal and overcome his physical limitations in a creative way.

Involving family. Honoring family traditions, like asking the bride's father or closest male relative for permission, shows respect and helps integrate families. Nick sought blessings from Kanae's mother and brother, acknowledging their protective love for her. Their wedding became a multicultural celebration blending Serbian and Mexican traditions.

Embracing imperfections. Despite careful planning, unexpected moments are inevitable. The author's accidental slip-up during a speech, the wedding song mix-up, or the police stop on the wedding night became memorable, often humorous, parts of their story. Accepting that things won't be "perfect" allows for joy and laughter.

7. Choose Abstinence to Deepen Your Bond

Saving sexual intimacy until after the wedding is God’s ideal for Christian couples, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

A personal decision. The authors share their choice to abstain from sex before marriage based on their Christian faith, emphasizing it's a personal decision and not a judgment on others. They acknowledge the challenges of resisting temptation when deeply attracted to each other.

Focusing on deeper connection. Abstinence allowed them to build their relationship on a foundation of friendship, communication, and shared values, rather than physical passion alone. They believe this focus on emotional and spiritual intimacy created a stronger bond for their marriage.

Tips for maintaining boundaries:

• Buddy up/double date to avoid being alone in tempting situations.
• Remember the other person is a child of God, deserving respect.
• Avoid alcohol and drugs that lower inhibitions.
• Spend time in public or outdoor settings.
• Find non-physical ways to show affection (cooking, gifts, words).
• Remind yourselves of the long-term goal of marriage.
• Pray for strength and guidance.

8. Marriage Requires Continuous Effort and Unselfishness

I believe you have to put your relationship first.

Adjusting from "me" to "we". Marriage requires a significant shift from a single, self-centered mindset to one that prioritizes the relationship and the spouse's needs and desires. This adjustment is ongoing and can be challenging, especially for those who were single for a long time.

Giving, not receiving. The most fulfilling marriages are those where both partners are committed to making each other happy and putting the relationship's interests ahead of their own. It's about giving unselfishly, not keeping score of who does more.

Dealing with baggage. Individuals bring personal baggage (insecurities, past hurts, dysfunctional family patterns) into a marriage. These can resurface and cause conflict. Recognizing and addressing this baggage, and not letting it become a "whipping post" for the spouse, is crucial for a healthy relationship.

9. Parenthood Transforms Life and Strengthens Bonds

Becoming a family man changes your soul.

Unforeseen challenges. The arrival of the first child dramatically alters every aspect of life – sleep, finances, free time, and the marital relationship. Despite preparation, new parents are often unprepared for the sheer demands and stress of caring for a newborn.

Impact on the couple. The transition to parenthood can strain the marital bond due to:

• Lack of sleep and exhaustion
• Increased workload and financial pressure
• Reduced time for the couple to connect
• Stress from dealing with infant issues like colic
  This requires conscious effort to maintain the relationship amidst the chaos.

New depths of love. Despite the difficulties, parenthood brings immense joy and strengthens the bond between spouses. Witnessing the other parent's love for the child and experiencing the child's love creates a new level of connection and purpose, making the challenges worthwhile.

10. Navigate Family Challenges with Communication and Faith

Issues that go unresolved often surface again, and they become like a wedge in a log: every time you strike it, the split goes deeper and becomes more difficult to repair.

Communication is vital. Open and honest communication is essential for navigating the challenges of marriage and family life. Failing to discuss problems allows them to fester and create distance between partners.

Key communication principles:

• Connect, don't just communicate: Focus on understanding each other's feelings and perspectives.
• Be present: Give your full attention to your spouse and children when together.
• Avoid bullying: Never mock, criticize, or put down your spouse or children, especially in public.
• Resolve conflicts promptly: Don't let issues linger; aim to resolve disagreements before going to bed.
• Give up the need to be right: Prioritize the relationship over winning an argument.

Faith as a guide. Relying on shared faith and prayer provides strength and wisdom in dealing with conflicts. Asking God for patience, understanding, and guidance helps couples navigate difficult moments and remember their commitment to mutual submission and love.

11. Practice Gratitude and Be Present for Your Family

The thing about gratitude is that when you feel it, you should express it, whether you are grateful for something a person has done for you or you are just feeling blessed because of someone in your life.

Expressing appreciation. It's crucial to regularly express gratitude to your spouse and children, not just on special occasions. Acknowledging their efforts and simply being thankful for their presence strengthens bonds and counters the tendency to take loved ones for granted.

Being fully present. In a busy world, dedicating focused time and attention to family is paramount. This means minimizing distractions like work emails or phones when together. Being mentally and emotionally present fosters deeper connections and reinforces family bonds.

Shifting perspective. When faced with frustrating situations (like a messy house or slow pace with kids), reframing the situation can turn irritation into gratitude. Seeing challenges through the lens of love and appreciation for having a family helps maintain a positive outlook.

12. Faith is the Essential Foundation for Lasting Love

Our relationship with Him is the beginning and end for our hope, and it serves as the hope and power that sustains our marriage every single day.

A threefold cord. The authors believe their marriage is a bond of three: Jesus and the two of them. This shared faith provides a strong foundation, offering guidance, strength, patience, and forgiveness necessary to navigate life's challenges together.

Spiritual nourishment. Reading the Bible and praying together daily is a vital practice that nourishes their relationship and helps them start the day with a thankful heart. It reminds them of God's love and purpose for their lives and marriage.

Relying on God's strength. Acknowledging their imperfections and limitations, especially in the face of parenting challenges, leads them to rely heavily on God for help. They pray for wisdom, patience, and the ability to be better spouses and parents, trusting that God's grace will sustain them.

Last updated: May 8, 2025