Sacred Marriage

1. Marriage is designed to make us holy, not just happy

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

God's purpose for marriage. Marriage is not primarily about personal happiness or fulfillment, but rather about spiritual growth and character development. It serves as a crucible for refining our faith, patience, and selflessness. Through the daily challenges and joys of living with another imperfect person, we are shaped more into the image of Christ.

Holiness over happiness. While happiness is not excluded from marriage, it should not be the primary goal. The pursuit of holiness often leads to a deeper, more lasting joy than the fleeting happiness sought in self-gratification. Marriage provides unique opportunities to practice forgiveness, sacrifice, and unconditional love - all essential aspects of Christian character.

Reframing expectations. This perspective shift helps couples navigate difficulties with greater resilience. Instead of asking, "Why am I not happy?", we can ask, "How is this situation helping me grow in godliness?" This reframing turns marital challenges into opportunities for spiritual maturation rather than sources of disillusionment.

2. Our spouse is God's son/daughter - treat them accordingly

You didn't marry an orphan; you married a man or woman with a very influential, very powerful, and all-seeing Dad.

God as Father-in-law. Viewing your spouse as God's beloved child dramatically changes how you treat them. Just as we desire others to treat our children with kindness and respect, God desires the same for His children - our spouses. This perspective cultivates reverence and care in our marital interactions.

Divine accountability. Recognizing God's intense love for our spouse adds a layer of accountability to our actions and attitudes. Mistreating our spouse is akin to mistreating God's child, which should give us pause and motivate us towards greater kindness and consideration.

Cherishing God's creation. This view helps us appreciate our spouse's inherent worth, regardless of their flaws or our current feelings. It encourages us to see them through God's eyes - as infinitely valuable and worthy of love and respect.

3. Love is a choice, not just a feeling

Don't wish me happiness — I don't expect to be happy, but it's gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor — I will need them all.

Love as commitment. True love in marriage goes beyond fleeting emotions or romantic feelings. It is a daily choice to act in the best interest of your spouse, even when feelings fluctuate. This commitment-based love provides stability and depth to the relationship.

Cultivating love. Like a muscle, love can be strengthened through intentional actions and choices. Practical ways to nurture love include:

• Regular acts of kindness and service
• Expressing gratitude and appreciation
• Prioritizing quality time together
• Choosing to forgive and reconcile after conflicts

Beyond feelings. Understanding love as a choice empowers couples to maintain their commitment through difficult seasons. It shifts the focus from what we can get from the relationship to what we can give, mirroring Christ's sacrificial love for the church.

4. Forgiveness is essential for marital growth and intimacy

Forgiveness ... is achingly difficult, and long after you've forgiven, the wound—my dastardly deeds — lives on in memory.

Power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing harmful behavior, but rather choosing to release resentment and the desire for revenge. It is a critical component for maintaining intimacy and trust in marriage. Without forgiveness, small offenses accumulate, creating emotional distance and bitterness.

Process, not event. True forgiveness is often a process rather than a one-time event. It may require:

• Acknowledging the hurt
• Choosing to forgive, even before feelings align
• Letting go of the right to punish
• Rebuilding trust over time

Growth through forgiveness. The act of forgiving provides opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. It cultivates humility, empathy, and grace - qualities that reflect God's character and enhance marital relationships.

5. Serving your spouse reflects Christ's love

Gentlemen, what are we doing each day for our wives that involves sacrifice?

Selfless service. Marriage provides a unique opportunity to practice Christ-like servanthood. By prioritizing our spouse's needs and well-being above our own, we mirror Jesus' sacrificial love for the church. This attitude of service transforms the marriage from a self-centered arrangement to a reflection of divine love.

Practical ways to serve. Serving your spouse can take many forms:

• Listening attentively without interrupting
• Taking on tasks they dislike
• Supporting their dreams and goals
• Offering physical affection and words of affirmation
• Making time for activities they enjoy

Service as spiritual discipline. Viewing service to your spouse as an act of worship reframes mundane tasks into meaningful spiritual exercises. It cultivates humility, patience, and selflessness - key attributes of Christian character.

6. Sexual intimacy in marriage can deepen spiritual connection

Sex cannot pay spiritual dividends if its currency is shrouded in unfounded and illegitimate guilt.

Sacred sexuality. Within the context of marriage, sexual intimacy is a God-given gift that can enhance spiritual connection. It serves as a physical expression of the one-flesh union described in Scripture and can be a powerful reminder of God's love and design for human relationships.

Overcoming guilt. Many couples, especially those with religious backgrounds, struggle with guilt or shame surrounding sexuality. Recognizing sex as a holy and beautiful part of marriage can help overcome these barriers and lead to greater intimacy, both physically and spiritually.

Spiritual aspects of intimacy. Sexual union in marriage can reflect spiritual truths:

• Vulnerability and trust mirror our relationship with God
• Giving and receiving pleasure echoes God's generosity
• The intimacy experienced foreshadows our ultimate union with Christ

7. Communication and fellowship are vital for a strong marriage

If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Deep communication. True marital fellowship goes beyond surface-level conversations. It involves sharing hopes, fears, struggles, and joys. This level of openness creates a strong emotional and spiritual bond between spouses.

Spiritual fellowship. Couples who pray together, study Scripture together, and discuss spiritual matters often report higher levels of marital satisfaction. This shared spiritual life provides a foundation for unity and mutual support.

Practical steps for fellowship:

• Set aside regular time for meaningful conversations
• Practice active listening without judgment
• Share spiritual insights and experiences
• Pray together about concerns and dreams
• Engage in activities that promote shared growth

8. Perseverance through difficulties builds character

Sometimes it's a good idea to stay at a thing.

Marriage as marathon. Like any long-term commitment, marriage requires perseverance through challenging seasons. These difficulties, when faced together, can strengthen the relationship and develop individual character.

Benefits of perseverance:

• Deepens trust and intimacy
• Develops problem-solving skills
• Builds resilience and emotional maturity
• Creates a shared history of overcoming obstacles

Practical perseverance. Couples can cultivate perseverance by:

• Committing to work through problems rather than avoid them
• Seeking help from mentors or counselors when needed
• Remembering past victories during current struggles
• Focusing on long-term goals rather than short-term discomfort

9. Marriage exposes our sins and facilitates personal growth

Marriage is about learning how to respond to a sinful human being in a holy way. It's also about letting someone else's sin reveal our own.

Mirror of marriage. Living in close proximity with another person inevitably reveals our flaws and sinful tendencies. This exposure, while uncomfortable, provides invaluable opportunities for self-awareness and growth.

Growth through conflict. Marital conflicts often stem from clashing sinful patterns. By addressing these issues, couples can:

• Identify areas needing spiritual growth
• Practice forgiveness and grace
• Learn to communicate more effectively
• Develop greater empathy and understanding

Personal responsibility. Rather than focusing solely on a spouse's shortcomings, mature individuals use marital challenges to examine their own hearts and behaviors. This self-reflection leads to personal growth and stronger relationships.

10. A God-centered marriage trumps a spouse-centered one

When we focus on what we can do, it's amazing how little time we have left to become consumed by our disappointments.

Shifting focus. A God-centered marriage prioritizes pleasing and glorifying God above personal satisfaction or spouse-pleasing. This perspective helps couples navigate difficulties with a sense of higher purpose and shared mission.

Benefits of God-centeredness:

• Reduces unrealistic expectations of spouse
• Provides stability during emotional fluctuations
• Aligns individual and couple goals with God's purposes
• Fosters unity through shared spiritual focus

Practical application. Couples can cultivate a God-centered marriage by:

• Regularly studying Scripture together
• Serving in ministry as a team
• Seeking God's guidance in decision-making
• Prioritizing spiritual growth individually and as a couple

11. Enjoy your spouse as a gift from God

He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and I will live to enjoy the light.

Cultivating appreciation. While marriage involves challenges and responsibilities, it's crucial not to lose sight of the joy and pleasure of companionship. Viewing your spouse as a gift from God fosters gratitude and delight in the relationship.

Balancing growth and enjoyment. While pursuing holiness and character development is important, it shouldn't overshadow the simple joys of married life. Make time for:

• Shared laughter and fun activities
• Celebrating each other's successes
• Expressing affection and admiration
• Creating new, positive memories together

Intentional enjoyment. Couples can nurture enjoyment by:

• Scheduling regular date nights
• Trying new experiences together
• Reminiscing about happy memories
• Practicing gratitude for your spouse's positive qualities

Last updated: January 22, 2025