The Cost of Control

1. Control is a mirage: We have less power than we think

When we try to control something in order to fix it, we will end up breaking it even more.

The illusion of control permeates our lives, from our relationships to our circumstances. We often believe we have more power over outcomes than we actually do. This false sense of control is reinforced by:

• Technology and modern conveniences
• Access to vast amounts of information
• Cultural emphasis on individual autonomy

The reality of our limitations becomes apparent in situations like:

• Natural disasters and global pandemics
• Unexpected health issues
• The choices and actions of others

Recognizing our lack of control is not about helplessness, but about aligning our expectations with reality and finding peace in surrendering to God's sovereignty.

2. The psychology of control: Why we crave it and how it affects us

Humans cannot tolerate uncertainty.

Our need for control is deeply rooted in human psychology. We seek control to:

• Reduce anxiety and feel safe
• Make sense of a chaotic world
• Avoid feelings of helplessness

The illusion of control manifests in various ways:

• Superstitions and rituals
• Over-planning and micromanagement
• Attempts to predict the future

Research shows that even the illusion of control can reduce anxiety, which explains why we cling to it so desperately. However, this false sense of security often leads to greater distress when our illusions are shattered by reality.

3. Knowledge and power: Tools we misuse for control

Knowledge positions us nearer to God, not equal to God.

The information age has given us unprecedented access to knowledge, leading many to believe that with enough information, we can control any situation. This manifests in:

• Obsessive research on health issues
• Constant monitoring of news and social media
• Attempts to manipulate others through information

The limits of knowledge become apparent when we realize that:

• Knowing something doesn't equate to controlling it
• Information overload can lead to anxiety and decision paralysis
• True wisdom involves recognizing our limitations

Instead of using knowledge as a tool for control, we should view it as a means to better understand and appreciate the complexity of God's creation.

4. Money and autonomy: False securities in our quest for control

Whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with income.

Financial control is often seen as a path to security and freedom. We believe that:

• More money equals more control over our lives
• Wealth can protect us from life's uncertainties

The pitfalls of financial control include:

• Never feeling like we have "enough"
• Using money to manipulate others
• Placing our trust in wealth rather than God

Autonomy, or self-governance, is another way we seek control. Our culture emphasizes:

• Individual choice and self-determination
• Rejection of external authority

However, true freedom comes not from unlimited choice, but from operating within God-given boundaries and in community with others.

5. Theology and shame: Spiritual distortions in our pursuit of control

The prosperity gospel looks at the world as it is and promises a solution. It guarantees that faith will always make a way.

Theological distortions can arise from our desire for control, such as:

• The prosperity gospel: believing faith guarantees worldly success
• Using shame as a tool for behavior modification
• Believing we can earn God's favor through our actions

These distortions lead to:

• Spiritual disillusionment when life doesn't go as planned
• A works-based approach to faith that denies God's grace
• Unhealthy relationships with God and others

Instead, we must embrace a theology that acknowledges God's sovereignty and our dependence on His grace.

6. The costs of control: Broken relationships, burnout, and anxiety

Whenever we try to control someone or something, simply because we can, we are exercising power.

Relational costs of control include:

• Manipulation and coercion of others
• Lack of trust and authentic connection
• Inability to accept others as they are

Personal costs manifest as:

• Chronic anxiety from trying to manage every outcome
• Burnout from overworking to ensure success
• Disappointment when reality doesn't match our expectations

These costs highlight the futility of seeking control and the need for a different approach to life's uncertainties.

7. Body image and identity: The exhausting struggle to control ourselves

We believe our bodies are not good, so we try to make them good.

Body control attempts often stem from:

• Cultural ideals of beauty and health
• Fear of aging and mortality
• Desire for acceptance and validation

Identity control manifests in:

• Constant reinvention of self
• Performative authenticity
• Pressure to "find oneself"

Both forms of control lead to exhaustion and dissatisfaction, as we can never fully achieve the ideals we set for ourselves. True peace comes from accepting our God-given identity and the inherent value of our bodies as they are.

8. Agency: The God-given alternative to control

God does not give us control, but he does give us agency.

Agency is the power to influence ourselves and our circumstances within God-given limits. It differs from control in that it:

• Acknowledges our role as partners with God
• Operates within the boundaries of creation
• Recognizes our limitations while empowering us to act

By embracing agency, we can:

• Work effectively within our sphere of influence
• Find peace in surrendering ultimate outcomes to God
• Experience the freedom that comes from accepting our limitations

9. Practical tools: Naming, ordering, and limiting as forms of agency

Naming tames these forces.

Practical ways to exercise agency include:

1. Naming: Identifying and articulating what we're experiencing
2. Ordering: Creating systems and routines to manage our lives
3. Creating: Using our God-given creativity to solve problems
4. Setting limits: Establishing healthy boundaries
5. Practicing care: Stewarding our resources and relationships
6. Praying: Bringing our concerns to God
7. Self-examining: Honestly assessing our motives and actions

These tools help us navigate life's challenges without succumbing to the illusion of control.

10. Self-control: The one area where we truly have power

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

Self-control is the ability to choose what's important over what's urgent. It involves:

• Regulating our emotions and impulses
• Making choices aligned with our values and goals
• Resisting immediate gratification for long-term benefits

The power of self-control comes from:

• The Holy Spirit, as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)
• Practice and cultivation of spiritual disciplines
• Recognition of our agency in shaping our character

By focusing on self-control, we redirect our energy from futile attempts to control our circumstances to the one area where we truly have influence: our own choices and actions.

Last updated: December 2, 2024