The Light We Carry

1. Embrace the power of small actions to overcome big challenges

When everything starts to feel big and therefore scary and insurmountable, when I hit a point of feeling or thinking or seeing too much, I've learned to make the choice to go toward the small.

Small actions create big impacts. When faced with overwhelming challenges, focusing on small, manageable tasks can help regain a sense of control and progress. This approach allows for incremental growth and builds resilience over time. For example:

• Taking up a hobby like knitting can provide a sense of accomplishment and calm
• Breaking down large goals into smaller, achievable steps
• Celebrating minor victories along the way to maintain motivation

By consistently tackling small tasks, we develop the skills and confidence needed to address larger issues. This mindset shift helps transform feelings of helplessness into a sense of empowerment and agency.

2. Decode and confront fear to grow and thrive

Nobody can make you feel bad if you feel good about yourself.

Understand the root of your fears. Fear often stems from unfamiliarity or perceived threats to our well-being. By examining our fears closely, we can begin to dismantle their power over us. Strategies for confronting fear include:

• Identifying the source of the fear
• Challenging irrational thoughts with facts and evidence
• Gradually exposing yourself to fear-inducing situations in a controlled manner

Embracing discomfort and pushing through fear leads to personal growth and new opportunities. Remember that fear is often a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, which is essential for development and success.

3. Start each day with kindness towards yourself and others

When someone does light up for us, we remember it. The feeling lands.

Cultivate self-compassion and kindness. Beginning each day with a positive attitude towards yourself sets the tone for how you interact with others. This practice involves:

• Offering yourself words of encouragement and support
• Acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments
• Treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend

By extending this kindness to others, we create a ripple effect of positivity. Simple acts like offering a genuine compliment or expressing gratitude can significantly impact someone's day. Remember that kindness is a powerful tool for building connections and fostering a more compassionate world.

4. Recognize your inherent value beyond external perceptions

Am I good enough?

Your worth is not determined by others. Society often places undue emphasis on external validation, but true self-worth comes from within. To cultivate a strong sense of self:

• Identify your personal values and live in alignment with them
• Celebrate your unique qualities and experiences
• Recognize that everyone has insecurities and struggles

Challenge negative self-talk and societal stereotypes that may limit your perception of yourself. Remember that your experiences, perspective, and contributions are valuable, regardless of how others may perceive you. Embrace your authenticity and use it as a source of strength.

5. Build and nurture meaningful friendships as a lifeline

I am fully convinced that you will get further in life when you've got at least a couple of solid friends around you, when you're reliably and demonstrably invested in them, and they in you.

Invest in genuine friendships. Strong social connections are crucial for emotional well-being and personal growth. To cultivate meaningful friendships:

• Be intentional about making time for friends
• Show up consistently, both in good times and bad
• Practice active listening and empathy
• Be vulnerable and authentic in your interactions

Quality friendships provide support, perspective, and joy throughout life's challenges. They act as a buffer against stress and contribute to overall life satisfaction. Prioritize nurturing these relationships as you would any other important aspect of your life.

6. Partner well by embracing differences and shared growth

We are carried by a wide array of friendships—some his, some mine, some ours together—and we do our best to help carry our friends.

Complementary partnerships thrive. In romantic relationships, embracing differences can lead to mutual growth and a stronger bond. Successful partnerships involve:

• Respecting each other's individuality and autonomy
• Supporting one another's personal goals and aspirations
• Communicating openly and honestly about needs and expectations
• Working together to navigate challenges and celebrate successes

Recognize that a healthy partnership is not about finding someone to complete you, but rather someone who complements you and encourages your personal growth. Build a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and a shared commitment to each other's well-being.

7. Learn from those who came before you, especially family

All children are great children.

Wisdom from elders is invaluable. Our family members, particularly older generations, often possess a wealth of knowledge and experience. To benefit from their wisdom:

• Listen actively to their stories and advice
• Ask questions about their life experiences and challenges
• Reflect on how their lessons apply to your own life

While it's important to forge your own path, recognizing and learning from the experiences of those who came before you can provide valuable insights and perspective. Use their wisdom as a foundation to build upon, adapting it to your unique circumstances and goals.

8. Embrace your whole self and share your story authentically

When we share our stories with fullness and honesty, we often discover that we're less alone and more connected than we might ever have believed.

Authenticity fosters connection. Sharing your true self, including your vulnerabilities and struggles, can create deeper connections with others. To embrace authenticity:

• Reflect on your experiences and what they've taught you
• Identify aspects of yourself you may be hiding or downplaying
• Practice sharing your story in safe, supportive environments

By being open about your journey, you not only validate your own experiences but also create space for others to do the same. This authenticity can lead to more meaningful relationships and a greater sense of belonging in your personal and professional life.

9. Wear your armor wisely, balancing protection and authenticity

Our armor can often serve us—some of it will always likely be necessary—but I also believe that in many instances, it can be defeating.

Strategic vulnerability builds strength. While self-protection is important, excessive guardedness can hinder personal growth and connection. To find the right balance:

• Identify situations where you may be overly defensive
• Practice calculated vulnerability in safe environments
• Reflect on how your armor may be limiting your potential

Recognize that showing vulnerability can be a sign of strength, not weakness. By selectively lowering your defenses, you create opportunities for deeper connections and personal growth. Learn to discern when to protect yourself and when to open up for maximum benefit in various aspects of your life.

10. "Go high" by converting emotions into constructive action

Going high is about taking an abstract and usually upsetting feeling and working to convert it into some sort of actionable plan, to move through the raw stuff and in the direction of a larger solution.

Channel emotions into positive change. "Going high" means responding to challenges and negativity with dignity and purpose. To practice this principle:

• Acknowledge your emotions without being controlled by them
• Reflect on the core issues behind your feelings
• Identify concrete actions you can take to address the situation
• Focus on long-term solutions rather than short-term reactions

By converting raw emotions into constructive action, you maintain your integrity while working towards meaningful change. This approach not only preserves your energy but also sets an example for others, potentially creating a ripple effect of positive engagement in your community and beyond.

Last updated: January 22, 2025