The Meaning of Marriage Study Guide

1. Marriage is about selfless service, not personal fulfillment

The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice.

Redefining expectations: Many enter marriage with unrealistic expectations of personal happiness and fulfillment. However, the biblical view of marriage challenges this self-centered approach. Instead, it calls for mutual sacrifice and service, mirroring Christ's love for the church.

Gospel-powered service: The gospel provides both the model and the motivation for selfless love in marriage. By understanding and embracing God's unconditional love and sacrifice for us, spouses are empowered to serve each other sacrificially. This other-centered approach to marriage leads to deeper intimacy, stronger bonds, and ultimately, greater fulfillment for both partners.

Practical application: Couples can cultivate a service-oriented mindset by:

• Regularly asking, "How can I serve you today?"
• Prioritizing their spouse's needs and desires
• Seeking opportunities to support and encourage each other
• Viewing challenges as opportunities to grow in selflessness

2. The gospel provides the foundation and model for marriage

This is the secret — that the gospel of Jesus and marriage explain one another. That when God invented marriage, he already had the saving work of Jesus in mind.

Marriage as gospel reenactment: The relationship between Christ and the church serves as the ultimate model for marriage. Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wives are called to submit to their husbands, mirroring the church's relationship with Christ.

Power for transformation: The gospel not only provides the pattern for marriage but also the power to live it out. By understanding and embracing God's grace, couples can extend forgiveness, practice humility, and persevere through challenges. This gospel-centered approach enables spouses to love each other unconditionally, even in the face of flaws and failures.

Practical implications:

• Regular reflection on the gospel and its implications for marriage
• Extending grace and forgiveness to one another
• Pursuing personal spiritual growth to strengthen the marriage
• Viewing conflicts as opportunities to demonstrate Christ-like love

3. Covenant commitment creates freedom in marriage

[In the marriage promise] "you have created a small sanctuary of trust within the jungle of unpredictability."

Redefining freedom: Contrary to popular belief, the covenant of marriage does not restrict freedom but rather creates a secure foundation for it to flourish. By committing to one another unconditionally, spouses create a safe space for vulnerability, growth, and intimacy.

Trust and security: The marriage covenant provides a stable environment where both partners can be fully known and loved. This security allows for:

• Open communication without fear of rejection
• Taking risks and pursuing personal growth
• Weathering life's storms together
• Building a shared history and future

Practical steps to strengthen covenant commitment:

• Regularly reaffirming vows and commitment to one another
• Prioritizing the marriage relationship above other commitments
• Creating shared goals and visions for the future
• Cultivating trust through consistency and reliability

4. Gender roles in marriage reflect Christ's relationship with the church

Both women and men get to "play the Jesus role" in marriage — Jesus in his sacrificial authority, Jesus in his sacrificial submission.

Equal value, distinct roles: The Bible teaches that men and women are of equal value and dignity, yet have complementary roles in marriage. These roles are not about superiority or inferiority, but about reflecting different aspects of Christ's relationship with the church.

Husband's role: Called to loving, sacrificial leadership, mirroring Christ's love for the church. This involves:

• Putting his wife's needs before his own
• Taking initiative in spiritual leadership
• Nurturing and supporting his wife's growth

Wife's role: Called to respectful submission, reflecting the church's relationship to Christ. This involves:

• Supporting and encouraging her husband's leadership
• Offering her unique strengths and perspectives
• Partnering in decision-making and family life

Mutual submission: Both spouses are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, creating a dynamic of mutual love, respect, and service.

5. Singleness offers unique opportunities for spiritual growth and service

Jesus is our true spouse and being single in this life actually puts an emphasis on that which can be missed [if you are married].

Reframing singleness: Rather than viewing singleness as a waiting period or lesser state, the Bible presents it as a valid and valuable calling. Singleness offers unique opportunities for undivided devotion to God and service to others.

Advantages of singleness:

• Greater flexibility in time and resources for ministry
• Opportunity to develop deep friendships and community
• Freedom to focus on personal spiritual growth
• Ability to serve in ways that may be challenging for married individuals

Thriving in singleness:

• Cultivating a deep relationship with God as the primary source of fulfillment
• Investing in meaningful friendships and community
• Pursuing personal growth and development
• Engaging in service and ministry opportunities
• Maintaining a hopeful perspective, whether called to lifelong singleness or eventual marriage

6. Sex in marriage is a powerful act of covenant renewal

The Bible does not counsel sexual abstinence before marriage because it has such a low view of sex but because it has such a lofty one.

God's design for sex: Far from being prudish, the Bible presents a positive and elevated view of sex within marriage. It is designed to be a profound physical and spiritual union, renewing and strengthening the marriage covenant.

More than physical pleasure: While sexual intimacy is meant to be enjoyable, its deeper purpose is to:

• Reinforce the one-flesh union of husband and wife
• Provide a tangible expression of love and commitment
• Foster emotional and spiritual intimacy
• Serve as a powerful reminder of the gospel (self-giving love)

Cultivating a healthy sex life:

• Prioritizing sexual intimacy in marriage
• Focusing on giving pleasure rather than just receiving
• Addressing issues of shame, past hurts, or misconceptions about sex
• Maintaining open and honest communication about desires and needs
• Guarding against temptation and maintaining sexual purity

7. Marriage is a mission to help your spouse become their future glory-self

What, then, is marriage for? It is for helping each other to become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us.

Vision for transformation: Marriage is not primarily about personal happiness or social stability, but about partnering with God in the sanctification of your spouse. It involves seeing the person God is creating your spouse to be and actively participating in that process.

Practical ways to foster growth:

• Regularly affirming your spouse's God-given potential
• Encouraging and supporting their spiritual growth
• Offering gentle, constructive feedback
• Creating an atmosphere of grace and acceptance
• Praying for and with your spouse

Long-term perspective: This mission-oriented view of marriage requires patience, perseverance, and hope. It involves:

• Looking beyond current flaws to future potential
• Celebrating small steps of growth and change
• Trusting God's work in your spouse's life
• Maintaining a vision of your spouse's "great horizon"

Last updated: July 22, 2024