She Comes First

What's "She Comes First" about?

• Focus on Cunnilingus: "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner is a guide that emphasizes the importance of cunnilingus in pleasuring a woman. It argues that oral sex should be a man's primary focus in sexual encounters.
• Philosophy of Sexual Contentment: The book presents cunnilingus as more than just a sexual act; it is a philosophy that prioritizes female pleasure and satisfaction.
• Educational Approach: Kerner provides a detailed exploration of female anatomy and sexual response, aiming to educate men on how to effectively lead women to orgasm.
• Personal Experience: The author shares his personal journey with sexual dysfunction and how mastering cunnilingus transformed his sexual relationships.

Why should I read "She Comes First"?

• Improve Sexual Skills: The book offers practical advice and techniques to enhance your ability to pleasure a woman, making it a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their sexual skills.
• Understanding Female Anatomy: It provides a comprehensive understanding of female sexual anatomy, which is crucial for effective sexual stimulation.
• Empowerment and Confidence: By learning and applying the techniques, readers can gain confidence in their sexual abilities and improve their intimate relationships.
• Unique Perspective: Kerner's personal experiences and professional insights offer a unique perspective on the importance of prioritizing female pleasure.

What are the key takeaways of "She Comes First"?

• Prioritize Female Pleasure: The book emphasizes the importance of focusing on female pleasure and satisfaction in sexual encounters.
• Cunnilingus as Coreplay: Kerner introduces the concept of "coreplay," where cunnilingus is the central act of lovemaking, rather than just foreplay.
• Anatomy and Technique: Understanding female anatomy and mastering specific oral techniques are crucial for effectively leading a woman to orgasm.
• Communication and Patience: Effective communication and patience are essential components of a satisfying sexual experience for both partners.

What are the best quotes from "She Comes First" and what do they mean?

• "The tongue is mightier than the sword": This quote highlights the power of oral sex in providing pleasure, suggesting that cunnilingus can be more effective than penetrative sex.
• "She Comes First offers men and women a surefire 'bird in the hand' approach to good sex": This emphasizes the reliability of cunnilingus in ensuring female satisfaction compared to the unpredictability of intercourse.
• "When a marriage goes on the rocks, the rocks are there, right there!": This quote underscores the importance of sexual satisfaction in maintaining a healthy relationship.
• "To her according to your abilities, from you according to her needs": A play on the Communist Manifesto, this quote stresses the importance of focusing on the woman's needs and abilities in sexual encounters.

How does Ian Kerner suggest men approach cunnilingus?

• Respect and Patience: Kerner advises men to approach cunnilingus with respect and patience, taking the time to understand and respond to a woman's needs.
• Focus on Technique: He emphasizes the importance of mastering specific oral techniques and understanding female anatomy to effectively stimulate a woman.
• Communication is Key: Open communication with a partner about what feels good and what doesn't is crucial for a successful experience.
• Pleasure-Oriented Approach: Men should focus on providing pleasure rather than rushing to achieve orgasm, allowing the woman to enjoy the experience fully.

What is the "Cunnilinguist Manifesto" in "She Comes First"?

• Respect Female Arousal: The manifesto calls for respecting the female process of arousal and prioritizing her pleasure in sexual encounters.
• Postpone Male Gratification: It advocates for postponing male gratification until after the woman has achieved orgasm, ensuring her satisfaction.
• Know the Clitoris: Understanding and appreciating the clitoris in all its aspects is essential for effective cunnilingus.
• Pleasure-Oriented, Not Goal-Oriented: The focus should be on mutual pleasure and enjoyment rather than solely on achieving orgasm.

What are the "Three Assurances" in "She Comes First"?

• Enjoyment of Giving: Assure her that going down on her turns you on and that you enjoy it as much as she does.
• No Rush: Let her know there's no rush and that you want to savor every moment, giving her all the time she needs.
• Appreciation of Her Essence: Communicate that her scent is provocative and her taste is powerful, all emanating from the same beautiful essence.

How does "She Comes First" redefine the concept of foreplay?

• Coreplay, Not Foreplay: Kerner redefines cunnilingus as "coreplay," making it the central act of lovemaking rather than just a precursor to intercourse.
• Extended Stimulation: The book suggests extending activities typically associated with foreplay into complete acts of lovemaking.
• Focus on Clitoral Stimulation: Emphasizes the importance of focusing on clitoral stimulation throughout the sexual encounter.
• Mutual Pleasure: Encourages a model of sex that goes beyond penetration and embraces mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

What techniques does Ian Kerner recommend for effective cunnilingus?

• Establish Rhythm: Start with gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes to acclimate the clitoral head to stimulation.
• Use of Fingers: Incorporate fingers to stimulate the clitoral cluster and enhance the experience.
• Gum-Press Technique: Apply pressure with the gums or upper lip to the front commissure for added stimulation.
• Vary Tongue Strokes: Use a variety of tongue strokes, including vertical, horizontal, and diagonal, to maintain interest and build tension.

How does "She Comes First" address common male anxieties about cunnilingus?

• Focus on Education: The book educates men on female anatomy and sexual response, reducing anxiety through knowledge.
• Emphasize Enjoyment: Encourages men to focus on the enjoyment of giving pleasure rather than performance anxiety.
• Communication with Partner: Stresses the importance of open communication to understand and meet a partner's needs.
• Patience and Practice: Reassures men that patience and practice will lead to improved skills and confidence over time.

What role does communication play in "She Comes First"?

• Essential for Success: Communication is highlighted as a crucial element for a successful sexual experience.
• Feedback Loop: Encourages maintaining a persistent feedback loop of stimulation and response with a partner.
• Express Preferences: Partners should openly express what feels good and what doesn't to enhance mutual satisfaction.
• Builds Trust and Intimacy: Effective communication fosters trust and intimacy, leading to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

How does "She Comes First" suggest handling the transition to intercourse?

• Seamless Transition: Ensure the transition from cunnilingus to intercourse is seamless to maintain the rhythm and tension built.
• Female Superior Position: Recommends the woman-on-top position for better control and stimulation of the clitoris.
• Coital Alignment Technique: Suggests using the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) to improve the chances of orgasm through intercourse.
• Post-Orgasm Intercourse: Advises engaging in intercourse after she has experienced her first orgasm for increased likelihood of multiple orgasms.