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Dating Essentials for Men

Dating Essentials for Men

The Only Dating Guide You Will Ever Need
作者 Robert A. Glover 2019 208 页数
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500+ 评分
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重点摘要

1. 挑战自我限制信念(SLBs)

无论你多么坚信这些借口是真实的,无论你能找到多少证据来支持你的信念,它们都是谎言。

心态决定一切。 你的内心不断向你撒谎,关于你自己和女性的谎言,往往根植于童年经历和有毒的羞耻感。这些自我限制信念(SLBs)形成了一个自我延续的孤立与失败的循环。常见的SLBs包括“我不够好”、“女性只想要有钱的男人”或“我太害羞了”。

识别并面对。 克服这些谎言的第一步是识别它们。关注你的内心对话,尤其是在你感到焦虑或避免社交场合时。通过问自己“这真的是真的吗?”或“我有什么证据支持这个?”来挑战这些信念的有效性。

用真相替代。 一旦你识别出你的SLBs,就用更准确和积极的信念来替代它们。例如,代替“我不够好”,可以尝试“我值得被爱和连接”。这个过程可能会让你感到不适,但这是打破思维局限的关键。

2. 拒绝并不可怕;这是一种考验

拒绝并不痛苦……但它是一个很好的借口,避免面对与女性交谈的焦虑。

重新定义拒绝。 拒绝的恐惧是许多男性面临的主要障碍。然而,拒绝本身并不痛苦;造成痛苦的是我们对拒绝的自我叙述。将拒绝重新定义为对特定请求的简单“否”,而不是对你价值的评判。

主动寻求拒绝。 有意识地尝试让自己被拒绝,以减少对这种恐惧的敏感度。以获得“否”的目标接近女性,你会发现恐惧感减弱。这种方法也能让你迅速转向对你感兴趣的女性。

将约会视为科学实验。 将约会视为科学实验,而不是对你价值的验证。观察女性的反应,而不是将其个人化。这种方法将帮助你了解什么有效,什么无效,并使过程少一些情感负担。

3. 拥抱丰盈,而非匮乏

如果你看不到自己已经拥有的丰盈祝福,即使它乘以10、100、1000,甚至一百万,你也无法看到。

匮乏心态。 许多男性在匮乏的心态中运作,认为优秀女性、良好性关系和健康关系稀缺。这种心态导致孤立、依赖和不愿意追求应得的东西。

丰盈心态。 世界是一个丰盈的地方,每个人都有足够的资源。将注意力从缺乏转向你已经拥有的东西。培养每日感恩的习惯,欣赏生活中的祝福。

开放机会。 丰盈的心态让你能够看到并走进机会的大门。它赋予你冒险的勇气,让你与女性互动而不惧失去。记住,奇迹发生在行动的人身边,而不是坐在家里。

4. 缓解焦虑,而非管理它

思考会引发焦虑,行动能治愈它。

焦虑管理与缓解。 许多男性试图通过避免让自己不舒服的情境来管理焦虑。这种方法使他们陷入恐惧和无所作为的循环。相反,学会从内心缓解焦虑。

改变思维。 将“我无法应对”替换为“我可以应对”。这个简单的肯定可以帮助你在感到焦虑时继续前进。记住,你到目前为止已经应对了生活中的一切,你也会应对未来的一切。

行动,而非思考。 思考会引发焦虑,但行动能治愈它。不要过度分析情境;采取行动。遵循“三秒规则”,毫不犹豫地接近女性。将约会视为科学实验,而不是对你价值的考验。

5. 女性是有缺陷的人类,而非神话

女性不过是有缺陷的人类而已!

揭开女性的神秘面纱。 许多男性对女性抱有不切实际和无根据的幻想,往往受到文化神话的推动。这些神话使女性看起来高人一等、复杂且难以接近。事实是,女性和其他人一样,都是有缺陷的人类。

打破神话。 女性并非天生优越、复杂或擅长人际关系。她们并不在寻找完美的男性,也不想被捧在神坛上。她们希望被看到和评判为真实的自己,而不是某种理想化的女性形象。

平等相处。 当你将女性视为人时,你可以更真实地与她们相处。这使你能够放下恐惧、怨恨和焦虑,打开健康、平衡关系的大门。

6. 吸引是一种生活方式,而非技巧

优秀的女性是点缀,而非主菜。

创造精彩的生活。 不要仅仅专注于吸引女性,而是专注于为自己创造一个充满激情、活跃和充实的生活。追求你的热情,发展你的兴趣,与其他男性建立牢固的关系。

带来价值。 女性被那些有自己生活的男性所吸引。她们希望找到一个有趣、自信的男人,而不是一个来完成她们的男人;她们希望找到一个能与她们互补的男人。

成为你想吸引的对象。 发展你欣赏的特质。如果你想要一个自信的女性,先成为一个自信的男性。如果你想要一个充满激情的女性,先成为一个充满激情的男性。你越是投资于自己,就越能吸引到你渴望的女性。

7. 激发她的生物本能

女性最大的资产是男性的想象力。

拥抱你的性欲。 男性在生物上被编程为对女性产生性兴趣。这不是需要羞愧或隐藏的事情。拥抱你的性能量,并利用它为自己带来优势。

自信是关键。 女性被自信、地位、权力和权威所吸引。这些特质激活了她们生物上编程的安全感。当你以自信的态度接近女性时,她的大脑会产生类似于你看到吸引人的女性时的化学反应。

做一个男人。 不要试图表现得“友好”,而要做一个男人。设定基调,带领她,并对自己的性欲感到舒适。这正是女性生物上被编程所响应的。

8. 测试,而非猜测她的兴趣

大多数男性在女性停止表现出高度兴趣之前就放弃了测试。

测试是必要的。 你与女性的每一次互动都是对她对你兴趣的测试。测试并不是试图让她喜欢你,而是找出她是否已经喜欢你。

三个测试层级:

  • 第一层:基本的社交礼仪(微笑、眼神交流、打招呼)
  • 第二层:寻找共同点(对话、共同兴趣、调情)
  • 第三层:要求她做某事(索要电话号码、安排约会)

观察她的反应。 注意她的肢体语言、面部表情和语音语调。她是否与你互动,还是显得不感兴趣?如果她表现出低兴趣,就继续前进。如果她表现出高度兴趣,继续测试。

9. 自信地调侃和调情

放松,打开心扉,让真实的你展现出来。

调侃是有趣的。 调侃是一种轻松的言语交流,创造积极的情感状态。它是做真实的自己,而不是试图聪明或搞笑。

调情是带有性暗示的。 调情是带有性能量的调侃。它是测试女性的“吸引力”,看看你们之间是否有化学反应。

走出思维的束缚。 不要担心说什么,直接说出来。要自发、要有趣、要做自己。你越放松,让个性闪耀,越会变得更具吸引力。

10. 设定基调并引领

女性无法跟随一个不引导的男人。

女性渴望领导者。 女性是寻求安全的生物,她们希望有一个能够设定基调并引导的男人。这并不意味着要控制,而是要有计划并邀请她跟随。

避免消极。 不要问女性想做什么;告诉她你想做什么。不要让她决定关系的条款。要果断和自信。

保持一致。 从第一次互动开始就设定基调,并在整个关系中保持一致。这会让她感到安全,并增加她对你的吸引力。

11. 练习成就完美:12/12挑战

约会是一场数字游戏。

承诺行动。 12/12挑战是承诺在12周内与12位不同女性约会12次。这个挑战旨在让你走出舒适区,进入约会世界。

练习你的技能。 12/12挑战并不是为了找到完美的女性,而是为了练习你的约会技能。将每一次约会视为测试、调侃、调情和设定基调的机会。

放下结果。 不要担心女性是否喜欢你。专注于练习你的技能和享受乐趣。你练习得越多,越会变得自信和成功。

最后更新日期:

FAQ

What's "Dating Essentials for Men" about?

  • Comprehensive Guide: "Dating Essentials for Men" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a comprehensive guide designed to help men improve their dating skills and overcome self-limiting beliefs.
  • Focus on Mindset and Skills: The book emphasizes mastering one's mindset and perfecting dating practices to naturally attract women and build fulfilling relationships.
  • Practical Advice: It offers practical advice on approaching women, handling rejection, and creating a lifestyle that attracts women naturally.
  • Personal Growth: Beyond dating, the book aims to help men grow as individuals, enhancing their social and emotional intelligence.

Why should I read "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Overcome Dating Challenges: If you struggle with dating, this book provides strategies to overcome common challenges like fear of rejection and lack of confidence.
  • Improve Social Skills: It offers insights into improving social interactions, making it easier to connect with women and others in various settings.
  • Build Confidence: The book helps build confidence by challenging self-limiting beliefs and encouraging a proactive approach to dating.
  • Holistic Approach: It not only focuses on dating but also on personal development, helping you become a more complete and confident person.

What are the key takeaways of "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Master Your Mind: Challenge and overcome self-limiting beliefs that hinder your dating success.
  • Perfect Your Practice: Develop effective dating skills and routines to meet and attract women.
  • Confidence is Key: Confidence is the number one aphrodisiac for women; projecting it is crucial.
  • Abundance Mindset: Adopt an abundance mindset to see the world as full of opportunities for love and relationships.

How does Dr. Glover suggest overcoming the fear of rejection?

  • Rejection Doesn't Hurt: Dr. Glover emphasizes that rejection itself doesn't hurt; it's the internalized judgments that do.
  • Get to Rejection Quickly: He advises treating dating as a scientific experiment and trying to get to rejection quickly to reduce anxiety.
  • Practice Makes Perfect: Regularly practice approaching women to desensitize yourself to rejection and build confidence.
  • Change Your Mindset: Shift your mindset to see rejection as a natural part of the dating process, not a reflection of your worth.

What is the "5/5" method in "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Define Your Criteria: The "5/5" method involves listing five traits you must have in a partner and five traits you won't tolerate.
  • Clarity in Dating: This method helps you gain clarity on what you're looking for in a relationship, making it easier to identify suitable partners.
  • Avoid Settling: It prevents you from settling for someone who doesn't meet your essential criteria, ensuring a better match.
  • Guide for Evaluation: Use this list to evaluate potential partners and make informed decisions about pursuing relationships.

How does Dr. Glover suggest creating a lifestyle that attracts women naturally?

  • Passion and Interests: Pursue your passions and interests to create a fulfilling and interesting life that naturally attracts women.
  • Physical Fitness: Maintain good physical fitness as it projects self-control and confidence, which are attractive traits.
  • Social Connections: Build strong social connections, especially with other men, to create a balanced and fulfilling life.
  • Attention to Detail: Pay attention to personal grooming, fashion, and your living environment to make a positive impression.

What is the "Relationship Pyramid" in "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Four Levels: The Relationship Pyramid categorizes women into four levels: Really Great Woman (RGW), Good Woman (GW), Wrong Woman (WW), and Really Wrong Woman (RWW).
  • Objective Evaluation: It provides a framework for objectively evaluating potential partners based on your criteria.
  • Avoid Wrong Matches: Helps you quickly identify and avoid women who aren't suitable for a long-term relationship.
  • Focus on RGW: Encourages focusing your efforts on finding a Really Great Woman who meets all your essential criteria.

What are some effective ways to test for interest according to Dr. Glover?

  • Three Levels of Testing: Dr. Glover outlines three levels of testing: Social Pleasantries, Finding Commonality, and Requiring Something of Her.
  • Observe Interest Level: Each interaction is a test of her interest level, and you should observe whether she shows high or low interest.
  • Bold and Clear Tests: Be bold and clear in your tests to accurately gauge her interest and avoid wasting time.
  • Get to Rejection Quickly: Use testing to get to rejection quickly, allowing you to move on to women with higher interest.

How does Dr. Glover suggest handling anxiety with women?

  • Self-Soothing Techniques: Learn self-soothing techniques like diaphragmatic breathing to manage anxiety in social situations.
  • Change Your Thinking: Replace negative thoughts with affirmations like "I can handle it" to reduce anxiety.
  • Act, Don't Overthink: Stop overthinking and start acting, as action reduces anxiety more effectively than rumination.
  • Practice Regularly: Regularly practice social interactions to build confidence and reduce anxiety over time.

What is the importance of setting the tone and taking the lead in dating?

  • Security for Women: Women are security-seeking creatures, and setting the tone makes them feel safe and secure.
  • Avoid Friend Zone: Taking the lead helps avoid falling into the friend zone by clearly expressing your intentions.
  • Project Confidence: It projects confidence and decisiveness, traits that are attractive to women.
  • Test Her Nature: Setting the tone allows you to test her nature and see if she follows your lead, indicating interest.

What are some of the best quotes from "Dating Essentials for Men" and what do they mean?

  • "Rejection doesn't hurt." This quote emphasizes that the pain of rejection comes from internal judgments, not the rejection itself.
  • "Confidence is the number one aphrodisiac." It highlights the importance of projecting confidence to attract women.
  • "Get to rejection quickly." Encourages facing rejection head-on to reduce anxiety and find women with genuine interest.
  • "A woman can't follow where a man doesn't lead." Stresses the importance of setting the tone and taking the lead in dating.

How does Dr. Glover suggest using the internet for dating?

  • Tool, Not a Crutch: Use online dating as a tool to meet women, but don't rely on it exclusively; balance it with real-world interactions.
  • Create an Engaging Profile: Craft a profile that highlights your interests and personality, using specific details to create a vivid picture.
  • Be Proactive: Actively reach out to women and set up face-to-face meetings quickly to avoid endless chatting.
  • Experiment and Adapt: Regularly update your profile and experiment with different approaches to see what works best.

评论

4.22 满分 5
平均评分来自 500+ 来自Goodreads和亚马逊的评分.

《男性约会必备》获得了大多数积极的评价,平均评分为4.21/5。读者们赞赏格洛弗在改变心态、建立自信和约会技巧方面提供的实用建议。许多人发现这些建议有助于克服自我限制的信念和提升社交技能。然而,也有一些人批评书中的内容重复,并对某些关于人际关系的观点表示不同意见。总体而言,读者们重视作者的经验和见解,尽管有些人认为内容较为基础或可能存在问题。这本书常常与格洛弗之前的作品《不再做好人》一起推荐。

Your rating:
4.56
50 评分

关于作者

罗伯特·A·格洛弗博士是一位著名的作家和关系专家,以其著作《不再做好人》而闻名。他还是《男性约会必备知识》的创作者以及TPI大学的主任。格洛弗的工作重点在于帮助男性克服自我限制的信念,发展更健康的关系方式。他的专业知识源于作为心理治疗师的背景以及个人经历,包括两次婚姻和随后的离婚。格洛弗的教学旨在赋予男性自信,改善他们的约会生活,并实现更有意义的关系。他的书籍和课程在寻求改变约会方式和个人成长的男性中获得了广泛的欢迎。

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