Sex, Dating, and Relationships

What is "Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach" by Gerald L. Hiestand and Jay Thomas about?

• Biblical Framework for Purity: The book offers a theologically grounded, gospel-centered approach to sex, dating, and relationships, challenging both secular and Christian cultural norms.
• Redefining Relationship Categories: It argues that modern dating has created a new, unbiblical category of relationship, and instead calls for relationships to be understood within God-ordained categories: family, marriage, and neighbor.
• Sex as a Gospel Image: The authors emphasize that sex and marriage are designed to reflect the spiritual union between Christ and the church.
• Practical Guidance: The book provides practical advice for singles, parents, and church leaders on how to pursue purity, navigate romantic desire, and find a spouse in a way that honors God.

Why should I read "Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach" by Gerald L. Hiestand and Jay Thomas?

• Clarity Amidst Confusion: The book addresses the confusion and subjectivity surrounding sexual boundaries in Christian dating, offering clear, objective biblical standards.
• Gospel-Centered Perspective: It reframes sex and relationships as fundamentally about the gospel, not just personal fulfillment or rule-keeping.
• Practical and Pastoral: Readers receive actionable advice for real-life situations, including how to guard their hearts, set boundaries, and pursue relationships with integrity.
• Countercultural Wisdom: The book challenges both secular and Christian dating norms, making it valuable for anyone seeking a fresh, biblically faithful approach.

What are the key takeaways from "Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach"?

• Sex Reflects the Gospel: Human sexuality and marriage are designed to be living illustrations of Christ’s relationship with the church.
• No New Relationship Category: Dating is not a separate biblical category; all unmarried relationships fall under the "neighbor" category, with corresponding purity standards.
• Guarding Heart and Body: Both sexual and romantic desires should be carefully guarded and only fully awakened within marriage or engagement.
• Dating Friendships Model: The authors propose "dating friendships" as an alternative to traditional dating, focusing on friendship and clarity of intent without premature romantic or sexual involvement.

How does "Sex, Dating, and Relationships" by Hiestand and Thomas define the purpose of sex?

• Living Portrait of the Gospel: Sex is created by God to serve as a living image of the spiritual union between Christ and the church.
• Not Just for Procreation or Pleasure: While sex is pleasurable and procreative, its highest purpose is to point to a greater spiritual reality.
• Monogamy and Permanency: The exclusive, permanent nature of marital sex reflects Christ’s exclusive, eternal commitment to His people.
• Sexual Purity as Worship: Sexual boundaries are not arbitrary but are meant to preserve the integrity of this gospel image.

What are the three God-ordained categories of male-female relationships in "Sex, Dating, and Relationships"?

• Family Relationship: Sexual activity is prohibited between blood relatives, reflecting God’s commands in the Old Testament law.
• Marriage Relationship: Sexual activity is not only permitted but commanded within marriage, as it images the union of Christ and the church.
• Neighbor Relationship: All other male-female relationships (friends, coworkers, dating partners) are to be nonsexual, following the biblical standard of purity.

How does "Sex, Dating, and Relationships" answer the question, "How far is too far?" in dating?

• Sexual Activity Reserved for Marriage: Any activity that is sexual in nature, not just intercourse, is to be reserved for marriage.
• Family Test for Boundaries: If an action would be inappropriate with a sibling, it is sexual and should be avoided with a non-spouse.
• Passionate Kissing Included: The book argues that passionate kissing and similar activities are sexual and thus off-limits outside marriage.
• Objective, Not Subjective: Purity standards are not left to individual feelings or convictions but are grounded in biblical categories.

What is the "dating dilemma" according to Hiestand and Thomas, and how does it affect Christian singles?

• Dating as a New Category: Modern dating creates a pseudo-committed relationship that blurs the lines between neighbor and marriage.
• False Sense of Security: Dating relationships often give the illusion of commitment without the reality, leading to emotional and sexual vulnerability.
• Subjective Boundaries: Because dating is not a biblical category, couples invent their own standards, often leading to compromise.
• Return to Biblical Categories: The authors urge singles to treat all pre-marriage relationships as neighbor relationships, with corresponding purity.

What is a "dating friendship" as proposed in "Sex, Dating, and Relationships," and how does it differ from traditional dating?

• Definition: A dating friendship is two friends getting to know each other with a view toward marriage, without romantic or sexual involvement.
• No New Relationship Category: It maintains the neighbor relationship, avoiding the false security and premature intimacy of traditional dating.
• Clear Communication: Intentions are communicated openly, and exclusivity is voluntary, not assumed.
• Advantages: Dating friendships reduce heartache, clarify boundaries, and allow for genuine discernment of marriage potential.

How does "Sex, Dating, and Relationships" address the control of sexual and romantic desire?

• Desire Is Controllable: The book teaches that sexual and romantic desires are not uncontrollable urges but can be governed by the heart and will.
• Lust Defined: Lust is desiring someone sexually who is not your spouse; even emotional or spontaneous desire can be sinful if directed wrongly.
• Guarding the Heart: Romantic love should not be aroused or awakened until it can be fulfilled in marriage, following the wisdom of Song of Solomon.
• Faith and Conviction: True purity comes from being convinced of God’s goodness and the sufficiency of Christ, not just from external rules.

What practical advice does "Sex, Dating, and Relationships" give for living a life of purity beyond dating?

• Gospel-Integrated Life: Purity is not just about dating but about integrating the gospel into every area of life.
• Modesty and Media Choices: The book encourages intentional modesty in dress and discernment in entertainment to avoid arousing sexual desire.
• Internet and Accountability: It recommends using accountability and, if necessary, technology to guard against online temptation.
• Masturbation and Flirting: The authors lean against masturbation and warn against serial flirting, as both undermine the gospel image of sexuality.

How does "Sex, Dating, and Relationships" by Hiestand and Thomas view singleness and celibacy?

• Singleness as a Calling: Singleness is not a lesser state but can be a strategic, God-honoring calling for gospel ministry.
• Gift of Singleness: The "gift" is the ability to be content without marriage, not singleness itself.
• Celibacy as Fasting: Unwanted singleness is seen as a divinely appointed fast, meant to draw the single person closer to God.
• God’s Sufficiency: The book encourages singles to trust God’s goodness and sovereignty, finding ultimate satisfaction in Christ.

What are the best quotes from "Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach" and what do they mean?

• "Sex and relationships are all about the gospel." This quote encapsulates the book’s central thesis that sexuality is designed to point to Christ’s relationship with the church.
• "You are not your own; you have been bought with a price and therefore must honor God with your body." This highlights the call to live out sexual purity as an act of worship and stewardship.
• "Don’t give your heart away until you know what he plans to do with it." This advice urges emotional and romantic caution, especially for women, until a man’s intentions are clear.
• "The time to bring on the romance is when you’re ready to bring on the ring!" This memorable line summarizes the book’s counsel to reserve romantic and sexual expression for engagement and marriage.
• "Strive for the ideal with all your heart while affording yourself the same grace God has granted to you through Christ." This quote encourages readers to pursue God’s standards while relying on His grace for their shortcomings.