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Finding God Through Sex

Finding God Through Sex

Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh
by David Deida 2005 304 pages
4.02
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Surrender to Love: The Path to Sexual and Spiritual Fulfillment

"To grow in freedom is to develop the capacity to remain open as love even in the most difficult—as well as the most pleasurable—circumstances."

True surrender is not about giving up or submitting to another person, but about letting go of resistance to your deepest nature as love. This involves:

  • Opening your heart fully, even when you feel hurt or vulnerable
  • Relaxing your body and breath, especially during intense emotional or physical experiences
  • Trusting the flow of love, rather than trying to control or manipulate it

By practicing surrender in sexual intimacy, you create a space for profound connection and spiritual growth. This doesn't mean tolerating abuse or betraying your values, but rather cultivating a deep trust in the transformative power of love.

2. Openness: Feeling Through Sensation and Emotion

"Feel fully and open. When hurt by your lover, you grow in love by keeping your wounded heart open, rather than closed."

Cultivate awareness by fully experiencing all sensations and emotions, without judgment or resistance. This practice involves:

  • Feeling your own body sensations completely
  • Tuning into your partner's sensations and emotions
  • Feeling through both your own and your partner's experiences into the deeper source of awareness

By remaining open and present, even during challenging moments, you can transform sexual experiences into opportunities for spiritual growth and deeper intimacy. This openness allows for a more profound connection with your partner and with the divine nature of existence itself.

3. Desire as a Catalyst for Growth and Connection

"Allow desire to be a doorway through which to give your gifts, rather than a needful urge through which to acquire something."

Reframe desire as an opportunity for growth and giving, rather than a selfish need to be fulfilled. This perspective shift involves:

  • Recognizing that your deepest desire is to give and receive love
  • Using sexual energy to magnify and expand your capacity for love
  • Allowing desire to draw you into deeper states of presence and connection

Instead of seeking to satisfy or suppress desire, use it as a force for transformation. By embracing desire as a catalyst for spiritual growth, you can deepen your intimate connections and expand your capacity for love and presence in all areas of life.

4. Masculine and Feminine Energies: Complementary Forces in Intimacy

"The masculine is the force of pervading presence and the feminine is the force of attractive radiance."

Understand polarity in sexual relationships as a dance between masculine and feminine energies, regardless of gender. This dynamic involves:

  • Masculine energy: Providing direction, presence, and penetrative consciousness
  • Feminine energy: Offering radiance, flow, and receptive embodiment
  • Both partners cultivating the ability to express and appreciate both energies

By consciously playing with these complementary forces, couples can create a more dynamic and fulfilling sexual relationship. This interplay of energies can lead to deeper intimacy, greater pleasure, and spiritual growth for both partners.

5. Dark Side Integration: Embracing the Full Spectrum of Sexual Energy

"One source of great sexual energy is your dark side. Here lies your animal past, your heritage of blood and boil."

Embrace shadow aspects of your sexuality to access deeper levels of energy and connection. This integration involves:

  • Acknowledging and exploring "darker" sexual desires and fantasies
  • Using these energies to increase passion and intensity in loving relationships
  • Transforming potentially destructive impulses into expressions of deep love

By consciously working with your dark side, you can:

  • Increase sexual energy and passion
  • Deepen trust and intimacy with your partner
  • Heal past wounds and integrate repressed aspects of yourself

Remember that the goal is not to indulge in destructive behaviors, but to transmute these powerful energies into expressions of love and spiritual growth.

6. Domination and Submission: Tools for Deepening Trust and Intimacy

"The play of domination and submission is only truly restorative when it leads both participants to love beyond their present limits."

Explore power dynamics consciously and consensually to deepen trust and intimacy. This practice involves:

  • Using domination and submission as tools for spiritual growth, not ego gratification
  • Alternating roles to experience both masculine and feminine aspects of sexuality
  • Maintaining a foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect

Benefits of conscious power play:

  • Reveals hidden fears and resistances
  • Builds deep trust between partners
  • Allows for exploration of suppressed desires in a safe context

Remember that healthy domination and submission are about guiding each other into greater love and openness, not about control or degradation.

7. Spiritual Growth Through Sexual Practice

"Sex becomes literally making love, magnifying love, from the boundless depth of your heart through every inch of your body and in merger with your man."

Transform sex into a spiritual practice by approaching it with awareness, presence, and love. This involves:

  • Cultivating deep presence and awareness during sexual encounters
  • Using sexual energy to open the heart and expand consciousness
  • Recognizing the divine nature of yourself and your partner during intimacy

By approaching sex as a spiritual practice, you can:

  • Deepen your connection to the divine
  • Heal emotional wounds and integrate fragmented aspects of self
  • Experience profound states of unity and bliss

Remember that spiritual growth through sexuality is a gradual process that requires patience, practice, and a willingness to face your deepest fears and desires with an open heart.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.02 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Finding God Through Sex explores the spiritual aspects of intimate relationships, examining masculine and feminine energies. Readers appreciate Deida's insights on deepening connections and consciousness during sex, though some find the gender stereotypes outdated. The book's repetitive nature and vague instructions frustrate some, while others value its perspective on intimacy as a path to spiritual growth. Mixed reactions highlight the book's potential to enhance relationships for some readers, while others struggle to relate or find practical application in its teachings.

Your rating:

About the Author

David Deida is an American author specializing in the intersection of sexuality and spirituality. He has written ten books, translated into 25 languages, focusing on relationships between men and women. Deida conducts workshops on spiritual growth and intimacy and is associated with the Integral Institute. His academic background includes research and teaching at various universities, including UC Santa Cruz and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris. Deida's works, such as "The Way of the Superior Man" and "Blue Truth," explore human spirituality and intimate connections. His writing often combines practical advice with spiritual philosophy, aiming to help readers deepen their relationships and personal growth.

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