Rethinking Sexuality

1. The Church Must Reclaim Sexuality Through Discipleship

Although sexuality presents an enormous challenge to Christians and to the world at large, it is not a problem to be solved but a territory to be reclaimed.

Silence is complicity. For too long, the Christian church has either avoided discussions about sexuality or addressed them with judgment and a simplistic list of dos and don'ts. This silence has allowed secular values to integrate into every aspect of life, leaving Christians confused and ill-equipped to navigate complex sexual issues. The world has effectively "sexually discipled" believers, shaping their views more than biblical teaching.

Beyond education. A mere educational approach, like a five-week course on sex, is insufficient. It reduces complex spiritual issues to temporary information, failing to foster fluency in a biblical worldview. Discipleship, unlike education, trains how to think, forms a worldview, and integrates beliefs into daily life, consistently reinforcing and modeling God's design for sexuality.

A new paradigm. Sexual discipleship is an all-out effort to reclaim lost ground, rooted in knowing what we believe, living what we believe, and passing on what we believe. It's about understanding the spiritual significance of sexuality within the larger narrative of following Jesus, moving beyond just condemning sin to exalting Jesus as Lord, Creator, and Savior of every aspect of our lives.

2. Our View of Sex Begins with Our View of God as Creator

Every sexual question begins and ends with questions about God.

Creator's design. Sexuality is not merely a personal expression of identity or feelings; it is an intentional aspect of God's design for humanity, created in His image as male and female. If God is the Creator, then He defines the purpose and parameters of sexual expression, and His intentions, as expressed in the Bible, have not evolved over time.

Rejecting God's wisdom. Modern culture, influenced by postmodernism and humanism, often rejects external standards of truth, encouraging individuals to define their own reality and morality, including sexuality. This leads to shifts where people interpret the Bible according to sex, rather than sex according to the Bible, embracing practices like cohabitation or gender fluidity despite biblical teaching.

God's design works. Ironically, sociological and psychological research often validates biblical sexual morality, showing that living within God's design for sex is beneficial for human well-being. When we ignore God's design, we experience consequences, demonstrating that His wisdom is not arbitrary but leads to flourishing.

3. Sexuality is a Holy Metaphor for God's Covenant Love

Your sexuality tells the story of God’s intention to draw you into His covenant love, the celebration of intimacy with Him, and the devastation of betraying Him.

Gospel in our bodies. God intentionally created our sexuality, including its place within marriage, as a profound physical picture of His passionate and sacrificial covenant love for His people—the Gospel. The "one flesh" union in marriage mysteriously points to Christ's love for His bride, the church, making gender, sexuality, and marriage significant from creation's beginning.

Desire for covenant. Sexual desire, though often misdirected, was created to draw our attention to the truth that we were made for love and covenant. This longing, whether fulfilled in marriage or experienced in singleness, ultimately points to our deepest desire to be known, embraced, accepted, and celebrated by our Creator in an eternal covenant relationship.

Intimacy and sacrifice. Sexual intimacy within marriage is designed as a celebration of this covenant promise, requiring both passionate engagement and sacrificial love. It teaches us about God's passionate love for us and the self-denial required to love unconditionally, reflecting Christ's self-sacrificing love for the church. Sexual infidelity, conversely, tragically mirrors the broken covenant between God and His people.

4. Satan Actively Destroys Holy Sexuality by Deception

If we want to know what’s most sacred in this world, all we need do is look for what is most violently profaned.

Spiritual warfare. Human sexuality, a holy masterpiece, is constantly under spiritual attack, evident in widespread devastation like sexual abuse, trafficking, addiction, and confusion around gender and orientation. This is not merely a philosophical clash but a direct assault by Satan, who seeks to cheapen, warp, and destroy what God created as sacred.

Satan's strategies:

• Separating sex from significance: Convincing us that "sex is just sex," devoid of spiritual or relational impact, as seen in the hookup culture.
• Doubting God's goodness: Tempting us to believe God's rules are restrictive and prevent happiness, portraying Him as a cosmic spoilsport.
• Accusation and shame: Convincing us our sexual sins are beyond Jesus's atonement, leading to hiding and isolation, even within the church.

World as war zone. Satan operates through the "world system" (kosmos), targeting our worldview, appetites, and identity, much like King Nebuchadnezzar sought to assimilate Daniel. He aims to lure us into comfortable captivity, subtly shaping our thinking, indulging our desires, and redefining our identity away from Christ.

5. We Are All Sexually Broken and Need Redemption

Sexual brokenness is not simply the presence of symptoms. It is anything that keeps us from experiencing sexuality as the gift and metaphor of covenant love.

Universal brokenness. Every individual experiences some degree of sexual brokenness, not just those with overt symptoms like addiction or trauma. This brokenness stems from three realities: living in a fallen world (where bodies and minds don't always function as designed), being harmed by sin (absorbing the world's distorted messages), and having personally sinned sexually (engaging in lustful thoughts or behaviors).

Beyond categories. Jesus consistently challenged the idea of dividing people into "sick" and "well" categories, emphasizing that all are broken and in need of the Great Physician. Spiritual pride, often disguised as moral superiority, prevents us from recognizing our own brokenness and hinders the church from experiencing sexual revival.

Sacredness in brokenness. God uses our brokenness to display His power, mercy, and love. When we admit our weakness and surrender our struggles, we create space for God's might and majesty to be evident. Those who have walked through deep sexual pain and found redemption often become powerful testimonies of God's healing grace, teaching profound truths that can only be learned through intense brokenness.

6. Jesus Offers Holistic Healing for Sexual Brokenness

Most Christians have never heard in a sermon that God can and does heal sexual wounds.

Pursuing healing. Just as we tenaciously pursue physical health, Christians should actively seek spiritual and sexual healing from God. Jesus came to "bind up the brokenhearted" and "proclaim freedom for the captives," addressing eternal brokenness, not just temporary physical ailments. Yet, many approach sexual healing passively, unaware of God's desire and power to mend sexual wounds, addictions, and relational brokenness.

Four elements of healing:

• Truth of Scripture: God's Word is alive, active, and sharper than any sword, capable of exposing and dismantling the lies Satan plants about our sexuality. It is the trustworthy foundation for freedom.
• Wisdom of Creation: God embedded principles of wisdom in human design. Psychology, when rooted in biblical truth, can offer insights into how God created us to function, how the Fall caused brokenness, and how to apply restorative practices for minds, souls, and relationships.
• Healing Relationships: Brokenness often occurs in relationships, and healing requires safe, restorative connections. Confession, acceptance, and walking alongside others in their messy journeys are crucial for experiencing love, forgiveness, and trust.
• Jesus Christ Himself: All other elements are transformational only as they lead to an authentic, experiential encounter with Jesus, the ultimate Healer. He is the Truth, and knowing Him beyond mere intellectual assent brings ultimate freedom and wholeness.

7. Integrity Requires Aligning Our Natural and Spiritual Selves

The struggle you feel between your natural desires and your spiritual aspirations is real!

Internal conflict. We all experience an internal war between our natural, sinful desires and God's call on our lives. Our natural self seeks immediate gratification and self-defined truth, while our spiritual self, led by the Holy Spirit, seeks to steward our bodies and desires in ways that honor God. This conflict often leads to hypocrisy, where we profess one thing but live another.

Beyond willpower. Simply "trying harder" to stop sinful behaviors is ineffective; it often leads to pride or despair. Paul's journey from the frustration of Romans 7 to the victory of Romans 8 reveals that true change comes not from human effort but from surrendering to the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit, who transforms our desires and affections.

Practical steps to integrity:

• Be coachable: Cultivate a humble heart willing to embrace God's instruction and feedback from others, even when it's painful.
• Try differently: Recognize that the Holy Spirit is the power for Christian living. Instead of relying on self-discipline, ask God to overwhelm you with His presence and power, fundamentally changing what you love.
• Take small steps of obedience: Respond to the Holy Spirit's prompts in the moment, allowing small acts of faithfulness to translate God's truth into real-life changes, rather than waiting for grand transformations.

8. Overcoming Secrecy: From Public Reputation to Private Testimony

Hiding is what we do with sin, with shame, and with overwhelming pain.

The mask we wear. We often present a "public self" as Christ followers while harboring "private struggles" of sin, doubt, fear, and shame, especially concerning sexuality. This hiding, learned from childhood, prevents the integration of what we believe into who we are, creating a deep tension that derails sexual discipleship.

Death of reputation. True integration happens when we stop hiding and allow our "public self" to die, giving up our concern for reputation in favor of living a testimony. God's power is most evident in our weaknesses, not our strengths. When we admit and surrender our frailty, others can witness God's work and love through us.

Surrendering your story:

• Fact or fiction? Be honest about your story, acknowledging both flattering and unflattering parts. Integrity means what people know about you is consistent with the truth, even if not every detail is shared publicly.
• Who is the star? Recognize that your life's story is not about you, but about God. When God is the star, you are free to tell the truth about your brokenness and His redemption, rather than protecting your own image.
• Who holds the pen today? Understand that healing is an ongoing journey. Be honest about current struggles with trusted confidants, allowing God to continue writing your story of redemption and dependence on Him, even in the messiness of today.

9. Embracing Both Truth and Love in Sexual Conversations

There is nothing more ugly than a Christian orthodoxy without understanding or without compassion.

False dichotomy. Christians often feel forced to choose between standing on biblical truth and extending love, especially on controversial sexual issues. This leads to either legalism (all truth, no grace) or license (all grace, no truth), both of which misrepresent Jesus, who perfectly embodied both.

Jesus's example. Jesus was fully love and fully truth, eating with sinners but never partaking in their sin, and upholding God's holy standards without being cruel. He knew how to administer truth and grace uniquely in each situation, demonstrating that love never compromises truth, and holiness never hardens the heart.

Humility as the bridge:

• Humility toward God: Acknowledge that God knows best. We must not edit, revise, or reinterpret God's Word to make it more palatable or "compassionate," as this is a form of pride. God's love has boundaries, and His compassion never cancels out His truth and holiness.
• Humility toward others: Value others above ourselves, putting aside our own agendas to genuinely understand and care for people, even those who disagree or live contrary to God's Word. This means being a servant, not defensive, and anticipating rejection for upholding biblical truth, yet responding with grace.

10. Sexual Discipleship Happens Through Intentional Relationships

The most profound vehicle for passing on truth is relationship.

Missional relationships. God divinely appoints all our relationships—from casual acquaintances to close family—with a missional purpose: to share Jesus's love and challenge one another to follow Him. This involves intentionally demonstrating God's love and truth, whether with "the masses," "the many," or "the few" in our lives.

Building bridges. Effective sexual discipleship begins with listening and caring, earning the right to speak into someone's life. We build bridges by communicating, "I want to know what it's like to be you," creating a safe space for honest conversations about pain, loneliness, and perspectives on cultural issues, rather than immediately confronting or judging.

Authenticity and discernment. Passing on God's truth requires both authenticity (living out our beliefs transparently) and discernment (knowing how much to share, with whom, and when). Discipleship is most powerful when others can "follow you around," witnessing your real-time struggles and victories, learning not just from your words but from your surrendered life.

11. The Body of Christ is Essential for Sexual Revival

If we are going to see God’s design for sex and His power to heal take root in people’s lives, we have to work together as the body of Christ.

United for mission. Sexual discipleship cannot be accomplished by individuals alone. God calls His people to work together as one body, united by the Spirit, each part contributing its unique gifts—service, prayer, teaching, mercy, hospitality, leadership—to reach hurting people and equip Christians. This unity is a supernatural grace, essential for orchestrating God's big work.

Chorus of testimonies. The church needs a multitude of diverse testimonies—stories of redemption from addiction, healing from abuse, restored marriages, and grace amid pain—to validate God's truth and offer hope. These stories, shared by individuals from all walks of life, provide alternatives to the world's narrative of sex and demonstrate God's active intervention.

Unity amid disagreement. While unity in Christ is paramount, it doesn't mean ignoring theological differences. When disagreements arise, especially on sexual topics, we must:

• Identify the real issue: Often, disagreements about sex stem from deeper beliefs about God, sin, human nature, and biblical authority.
• Seek to understand: Humbly listen to others' perspectives, recognizing personal reasons behind their views.
• Pursue truth together: Engage in respectful dialogue, sharpening one another through Scripture, rather than cutting off conversation or resorting to vitriol.