Spare

1. Prince Harry's childhood: A life in the royal spotlight

"There was no way round it: I was a royal, and I was crazy."

Growing up royal. Prince Harry's childhood was marked by constant public scrutiny and the weight of royal expectations. As the "spare" to his brother William's "heir," Harry struggled to find his place within the monarchy. His upbringing was a mix of privilege and constraint, with every move watched and judged by the media and the public.

Family dynamics. The relationship between Harry, his brother William, and their father Charles was complex. While there were moments of closeness and love, there was also a sense of competition and emotional distance. The royal family's approach to dealing with emotions and personal struggles often left Harry feeling isolated and misunderstood.

Early encounters with the press. From a young age, Harry experienced the intrusive nature of the media. Paparazzi constantly hounded the family, creating a sense of vulnerability and mistrust. These early experiences would shape Harry's views on privacy and the media throughout his life.

2. The trauma of Princess Diana's death and its lasting impact

"I'd been braced for the worst case. Haz, I'm sorry but I just don't know if I can do this…Part of me feared she'd bolt."

The loss of Diana. The sudden death of Princess Diana in 1997 was a devastating blow to 12-year-old Harry. The trauma of losing his mother in such a public and tragic way would have long-lasting effects on his mental health and emotional well-being.

Unresolved grief. For years, Harry struggled to process his grief, often suppressing his emotions and avoiding confronting the reality of his loss. This unresolved trauma manifested in various ways, including:

• Difficulty forming lasting relationships
• A sense of detachment from his emotions
• Anxiety and panic attacks in public situations

Public mourning vs. private pain. The public nature of Diana's death and the subsequent mourning process added another layer of complexity to Harry's grief. He had to balance his personal pain with the expectations of a grieving nation, often feeling unable to express his true emotions.

3. Military service and finding purpose in Afghanistan

"I couldn't get a straight answer. The conversation went in circles and when we hung up I felt—abandoned."

Escape and purpose. Joining the military provided Harry with a sense of purpose and an escape from the constant scrutiny of royal life. His time in Afghanistan allowed him to feel "normal" and part of a team, away from his royal identity.

Combat experiences. Harry's deployments to Afghanistan exposed him to the realities of war and the camaraderie of military service. Key experiences included:

• Serving as a Forward Air Controller, coordinating air support for ground troops
• Piloting Apache helicopters on combat missions
• Witnessing the harsh realities of war and its impact on soldiers and civilians

Struggle for normalcy. Despite finding fulfillment in his military service, Harry still faced unique challenges due to his royal status. His deployments were often cut short or altered due to security concerns, leaving him feeling frustrated and unable to fully contribute like his fellow soldiers.

4. Struggles with mental health and the journey to therapy

"I'd been braced for the worst case. Haz, I'm sorry but I just don't know if I can do this…Part of me feared she'd bolt."

Recognizing the need for help. Years of unresolved trauma, public pressure, and the strain of royal duties took a toll on Harry's mental health. He experienced anxiety, panic attacks, and a sense of being trapped in his role as a royal.

Therapy journey. With encouragement from those close to him, Harry eventually sought professional help. Therapy allowed him to:

• Confront and process his grief over his mother's death
• Develop coping mechanisms for anxiety and public appearances
• Gain a better understanding of his emotions and past traumas

Breaking the stigma. By openly discussing his mental health struggles and therapy experiences, Harry helped to break down the stigma surrounding mental health, particularly within the royal family and British society at large.

5. Meeting Meghan Markle and falling in love

"I loved her with all my heart as I'd never loved anyone before."

A whirlwind romance. Harry's relationship with Meghan Markle developed quickly and intensely. Their shared values, passion for humanitarian work, and desire for a meaningful life created a strong connection from the start.

Challenges of a royal relationship. Despite their deep love, Harry and Meghan faced numerous obstacles:

• The need for secrecy in the early stages of their relationship
• Navigating the expectations and protocols of royal courtship
• Preparing Meghan for the realities of life as a royal

A transformative love. Meghan's presence in Harry's life brought about significant personal growth and change. She encouraged him to confront his past traumas and continue his journey of self-improvement, while also providing unwavering support and understanding.

6. Facing racism and media scrutiny in their relationship

"I'd infected Meg, and her mother, with my contagion, otherwise known as my life."

Racist undertones. From the moment their relationship became public, Harry and Meghan faced a barrage of racist commentary and coverage in the media. This ranged from subtle microaggressions to outright racist headlines and stories.

Intense media scrutiny. The couple was subjected to relentless media attention, often fueled by sensationalism and fabricated stories. Key issues included:

• Invasion of privacy and harassment of Meghan's family and friends
• Constant comparison and competition narratives with other royals
• Unfair criticism of Meghan's actions, clothing choices, and background

Institutional failure. Harry became increasingly frustrated with the royal family's unwillingness or inability to protect Meghan from racist attacks and media harassment. This lack of support would eventually contribute to their decision to step back from royal duties.

7. The decision to step back from royal duties and seek independence

"I wanted to cry, and I'd tried to, because Mummy's life had been so sad that she'd felt the need to disappear, to invent this massive charade."

Breaking point. The constant pressure, negative media coverage, and lack of support from the royal institution eventually led Harry and Meghan to make the difficult decision to step back from their roles as senior royals.

Seeking freedom and purpose. Their decision to step back was driven by several factors:

• A desire to protect their mental health and well-being
• The need for financial independence and control over their lives
• A commitment to continuing their charitable work on their own terms

Public reaction and fallout. The announcement of their decision, dubbed "Megxit" by the press, created a media frenzy and polarized public opinion. It also strained relationships within the royal family, particularly between Harry and his father and brother.

8. Confronting family tensions and the pursuit of personal happiness

"I didn't understand until months later that there were even more reasons why the press was gunning for Willy."

Family rifts. Harry's decision to step back from royal duties and his openness about his struggles within the monarchy created tension with his family, particularly with his father, Charles, and brother, William.

Generational differences. The conflict within the royal family highlighted generational differences in approaches to:

• Dealing with the media and public scrutiny
• Balancing personal happiness with royal duty
• Addressing issues of race and diversity within the monarchy

Pursuing authenticity. Despite the challenges and personal cost, Harry remained committed to living a more authentic life and breaking away from the constraints of royal expectations. This pursuit of personal happiness and purpose became central to his and Meghan's new life outside the royal fold.

Last updated: July 24, 2024