The Deepest Acceptance

1. Deep acceptance is the key to ending suffering

The deepest acceptance doesn't necessarily need you to be okay with everything that happens. What a huge burden it is to believe that you need to be okay with everything, all the time—to have to pretend that you are okay with everything even when you are not!

Ending the war with reality. Deep acceptance is not about forcing yourself to like or approve of everything that happens. Rather, it's recognizing that what you are, at your core, is the vast space of awareness that allows all experiences to arise and pass without resistance. This includes accepting your non-acceptance of certain experiences.

Practical application:

• Notice when you're resisting present experience
• Allow thoughts, feelings, and sensations to be as they are
• Recognize that even difficult experiences are already accepted by your deeper nature
• Practice saying "yes" to what is, even if you don't like it

2. We are not separate waves, but the entire ocean of consciousness

You are like the white pages behind these words. You are behind every word in this book—ever present, always there in the background, essential to making the words seen, but rarely noticed and even more rarely appreciated.

Our true nature is boundless. We often identify solely with our thoughts, feelings, and experiences - the "waves" on the surface of consciousness. But our essence is the vast, unchanging awareness in which all experiences arise - the "ocean" itself. Recognizing this shifts our perspective from feeling limited and separate to feeling expansive and connected to all of life.

Practical insights:

• Notice the awareness that is aware of your thoughts and experiences
• Recognize that you are not your thoughts, but the space in which thoughts appear
• Experience how awareness remains constant even as experiences change
• Contemplate how you are intimately connected to all of life, not separate from it

3. Seeking completion outside ourselves perpetuates suffering

Nobody has the power to complete you. For the power that you are really looking for—the power of completeness, communion, intimacy—does not reside in someone else.

The futility of external seeking. We often believe that something outside ourselves - a relationship, achievement, or possession - will make us whole and complete. This seeking perpetuates a sense of lack and incompleteness, leading to suffering. True fulfillment comes from recognizing the inherent completeness of our nature as awareness.

Breaking the cycle:

• Notice the underlying belief that you are incomplete or lacking
• Recognize how seeking external completion creates suffering
• Practice finding a sense of completeness in the present moment
• Let go of the need for life to be different than it is

4. True love and relationships emerge from deep acceptance

When you're no longer seeking anything from them, when there is no self-image to defend, when you recognize yourself as open space, is there not the space to simply listen?

Love beyond conditions. Authentic relationships arise when we're no longer trying to get something from others to complete ourselves. By recognizing our inherent completeness, we can meet others openly, without manipulation or fear. This allows for genuine connection and intimacy.

Cultivating authentic relationships:

• Notice when you're seeking completion or validation from others
• Practice accepting others as they are, without trying to change them
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic
• Listen deeply without agenda or judgment

5. Honesty and authenticity arise from recognizing our completeness

The real freedom comes in seeing that my present nonacceptance of them is totally acceptable to life, in this moment. I admit the nonacceptance (or pain or fear or sadness or anger or boredom or whatever is appearing now) and discover that it is already admitted into present experience.

Freedom through radical honesty. When we recognize our inherent completeness, we no longer need to manipulate others or hide parts of ourselves. This allows for radical honesty and authenticity in our interactions. We can express our truth without fear of rejection or loss, as we're no longer seeking anything from others.

Practicing authenticity:

• Notice when you're holding back or being inauthentic
• Allow yourself to feel and express difficult emotions
• Communicate your truth without expectation or manipulation
• Recognize that even your "negative" experiences are acceptable

6. Addictions stem from seeking release from incompleteness

We aren't really addicted to cigarettes; we're addicted to the apparent release, the absorption into life, the temporary reprieve from lack that the cigarette seems to bring.

The root of addiction. Addictions arise from the belief that we are incomplete and need something external to feel whole. The addiction object temporarily provides a sense of relief or completeness, but this is fleeting, leading to a cycle of craving and temporary satisfaction.

Understanding and healing addiction:

• Recognize the underlying belief in incompleteness driving addiction
• Notice how addictive behaviors provide temporary relief from discomfort
• Practice finding completeness in the present moment, even in discomfort
• Allow cravings and urges to arise without necessarily acting on them

7. Pain and illness are invitations to discover inherent wholeness

The healing you really long for is the deepest acceptance of pain, the end of all illusions. The healing you really long for is the healing from your identity as the victim of pain.

Transforming our relationship with pain. Physical and emotional pain are often seen as problems to be eliminated. However, they can be powerful invitations to discover our inherent wholeness beyond the limited identity of being a "victim" of pain. By deeply accepting pain, we can find a sense of peace and completeness even in difficult experiences.

Working with pain:

• Notice resistance to pain and the story of being a "victim"
• Allow pain to be present without trying to change or escape it
• Explore the sensations of pain directly, beyond mental labels
• Recognize the awareness that remains constant even in pain

8. Forgiveness comes from understanding universal seeking

Realizing the true nature of evil is when true forgiveness can begin. When Jesus was being crucified, he looked down at his tormentors and forgave them. Forgiveness is possible when you see that people are not violent and aggressive and intolerant of your position because they are evil, but because they are simply seeking and perceive no other way to find what they are looking for.

The universality of seeking. True forgiveness arises from recognizing that all beings, even those who harm others, are ultimately seeking wholeness and completion. Their harmful actions stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of their true nature. By seeing this, we can forgive without condoning harmful behavior.

Cultivating forgiveness:

• Recognize the universal human drive for wholeness and completion
• See how harmful actions often stem from a sense of lack or incompleteness
• Practice empathy by imagining yourself in another's position
• Let go of the need for revenge or punishment, while still maintaining healthy boundaries

Last updated: November 18, 2024