A Hidden Wholeness

1. The soul is shy but resilient, requiring safe spaces to emerge

Like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places.

The soul's nature. The soul or true self is our core essence, containing our unique gifts, potentials, and sense of calling. While resilient, it is also shy and easily scared into hiding by the noise and demands of the outer world. Creating safe, quiet spaces allows the soul to tentatively emerge and be heard.

Recognizing soul moments. We experience the soul's presence in moments of deep contentment, inspiration, or clarity about our path. It often speaks through dreams, intuitions, and creative impulses. By paying attention to when we feel most alive and authentic, we can learn to recognize and nurture our soul's voice.

• Signs the soul is present:
• Sense of alignment between inner and outer life
• Feeling of "coming home" to oneself
• Moments of unexpected insight or revelation
• Deep sense of meaning and purpose

2. Living divided lives damages our integrity and relationships

We end up living divided lives, so far removed from the truth we hold within that we cannot know the "integrity that comes from being what you are."

The divided self. Many of us live fragmented lives, with a disconnect between our inner values/calling and our outer roles and actions. This dividedness often begins in childhood as we learn to hide parts of ourselves to fit in. Over time, we lose touch with our authentic core.

Consequences of dividedness. Living a divided life exacts a heavy toll:

• Feelings of fraudulence and anxiety
• Loss of passion and sense of purpose
• Difficulty forming genuine connections
• Contributing to societal dysfunction
• Physical and emotional exhaustion

The path to wholeness involves gradually bringing our outer lives into alignment with our inner truth, even when it's uncomfortable. This realignment is a lifelong journey of "living divided no more."

3. Circles of trust create safe environments for inner exploration

A circle of trust consists of relationships that are neither invasive nor evasive.

Key elements. Circles of trust are small groups that meet regularly to support each other's inner journeys. They are characterized by:

• Clear boundaries and intentions
• Skilled facilitation
• Voluntary participation
• Use of "third things" like poetry to spark reflection
• Practice of deep listening without judgment
• Asking open, honest questions rather than giving advice

Benefits. These circles provide rare spaces where people can:

• Safely explore their inner lives
• Reconnect with their sense of purpose
• Experience being truly seen and heard
• Practice bringing soul and role together
• Find courage to act with integrity in the world

By creating microcosms of the conditions that allow souls to emerge, circles of trust help participants develop practices they can carry into other areas of life.

4. Metaphors and "third things" allow indirect access to soul truths

We must find a way to live in the continuing conversation, with all its conflicts and complexities, while staying in close touch with our own inner teacher.

The power of metaphor. Direct questions about our inner lives often provoke defensiveness. Metaphors and "third things" like poems or stories allow us to approach soul truths indirectly. By reflecting on how a story resonates, we gain insights about ourselves.

Using third things. Effective third things:

• Speak to universal human experiences
• Are open to multiple interpretations
• Evoke emotion and reflection
• Allow people to engage at their own comfort level

Examples of powerful third things:

• Nature metaphors (seasons, landscapes)
• Mythic stories and fairy tales
• Evocative poems or song lyrics
• Visual art or photographs

The facilitator's role is to choose appropriate third things and guide reflection without imposing interpretations, allowing each person's inner teacher to speak.

5. Honest, open questions invite deeper self-reflection

An honest question is one I can ask without possibly being able to say to myself, "I know the right answer to this question, and I sure hope you give it to me."

The art of questioning. In circles of trust, we learn to ask questions that invite deeper self-reflection rather than leading or advising. Honest, open questions:

• Have no predetermined "right" answer
• Cannot be answered with a simple yes or no
• Do not contain hidden judgments or agendas
• Arise from genuine curiosity

Impact of good questions. Well-crafted questions can:

• Help people access their own inner wisdom
• Invite new perspectives and possibilities
• Gently challenge limiting beliefs
• Create space for the unexpected to emerge

Developing skill in asking such questions takes practice and requires us to set aside our impulse to fix, advise, or control outcomes.

6. Silence and solitude are essential for hearing our inner teacher

Silence is a gift in our noisy world, and a way of knowing in itself.

The value of silence. In our hyper-connected, noisy world, intentional silence is countercultural but essential for inner work. Silence allows us to:

• Hear our own thoughts more clearly
• Notice subtle impulses and intuitions
• Process emotions and experiences
• Access deeper wells of creativity and insight

Cultivating silence. Ways to incorporate more silence:

• Begin and end meetings with moments of quiet reflection
• Practice silent meditation or contemplative prayer
• Spend time in nature without distractions
• Create device-free zones and times in daily life

While initially uncomfortable, regular practice of silence builds our capacity to be present to ourselves and others in new ways.

7. Nonviolence begins with honoring the soul in ourselves and others

We cannot be peacemakers in our small part of the world only when we are at peace within ourselves.

Inner and outer peace. True nonviolence is not just the absence of physical aggression, but a way of being that honors the inherent dignity and worth of every person, including ourselves. It begins with cultivating inner peace and integrity.

Practicing nonviolence. Ways to embody nonviolence:

• Develop self-awareness and emotional regulation
• Listen deeply to others, especially those we disagree with
• Speak our truth with compassion and respect
• Resist the impulse to fix, save, or control others
• Stand firm for our values while remaining open to dialogue
• Create conditions that allow others' souls to feel safe

By treating our own souls and the souls of others with reverence, we contribute to a culture of peace in our spheres of influence.

8. Embracing paradox opens us to new possibilities

When we understand integrity for what it is, we stop obsessing over codes of conduct and embark on the more demanding journey toward being whole.

The nature of paradox. Life is full of apparent contradictions that cannot be resolved through either/or thinking. Embracing paradox means holding tensions creatively rather than rushing to eliminate them. Examples include:

• Solitude and community
• Speaking and listening
• Knowing and not-knowing
• Action and reflection

Working with paradox. Strategies for engaging paradox:

• Notice when we're caught in either/or thinking
• Stay present to discomfort without rushing to resolution
• Look for the truth in opposing viewpoints
• Explore metaphors that hold multiple truths simultaneously
• Practice both/and thinking

By developing comfort with paradox, we open ourselves to more nuanced understanding and innovative solutions to complex problems.

9. True community protects individual solitude

In a circle of trust, we practice the paradox of "being alone together," of being present to one another as a "community of solitudes."

Redefining community. Authentic community doesn't require constant interaction or agreement. Instead, it provides a container for individuals to dive deep into their own inner work while feeling supported by others on a similar journey.

Balancing solitude and connection. Healthy communities:

• Respect each person's need for privacy and reflection
• Create spaces for both individual and collective experiences
• Allow for diversity of perspectives and paths
• Offer support without invasiveness
• Foster interdependence rather than codependence

By honoring both our need for solitude and our need for connection, we create more sustainable and life-giving forms of community.

10. The journey toward wholeness is ongoing and cyclical

Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.

A lifelong process. The journey toward an undivided life is not a linear path to a fixed destination, but an ongoing cycle of integration, loss, and rediscovery. We continually face new challenges that invite us to realign our inner and outer lives.

Embracing the cycle. Ways to approach the journey:

• View setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning
• Celebrate small moments of alignment and authenticity
• Develop practices that support ongoing self-reflection
• Seek communities that support your evolution
• Trust that periods of confusion or "darkness" can lead to new insights

By understanding wholeness as a dynamic process rather than a static state, we can approach our lives with greater patience, curiosity, and resilience.

Last updated: January 24, 2025