Dating Essentials for Men

1. Challenge Your Self-Limiting Beliefs (SLBs)

No matter how strongly you believe these excuses to be true, and no matter how much evidence you can dredge up to support your beliefs, they’re lies.

Mindset is everything. Your mind constantly tells you lies about yourself and women, often rooted in childhood experiences and toxic shame. These self-limiting beliefs (SLBs) create a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation and failure. Common SLBs include "I'm not good enough," "Women only want rich guys," or "I'm too shy."

Identify and confront. The first step to overcoming these lies is to identify them. Pay attention to your inner dialogue, especially when you feel anxious or avoid social situations. Challenge the validity of these beliefs by asking yourself, "Is this really true?" or "What evidence do I have to support this?"

Replace with truth. Once you've identified your SLBs, replace them with more accurate and positive beliefs. For example, instead of "I'm not good enough," try "I am worthy of love and connection." This process will be uncomfortable, but it is essential for breaking free from the limitations of your mind.

2. Rejection Doesn't Hurt; It's a Test

Rejection doesn’t hurt. . . . but it is a great excuse to avoid facing the anxiety of talking to women.

Reframe rejection. The fear of rejection is a major obstacle for many men. However, rejection itself is not painful; it's the stories we tell ourselves about it that cause suffering. Reframe rejection as a simple "no" to a specific request, not a judgment of your worth.

Seek rejection. Consciously try to get rejected to desensitize yourself to the fear. Approach women with the goal of getting a "no," and you'll find that the fear diminishes. This approach also allows you to quickly move on to women who are interested.

Dating as a science experiment. Treat dating as a scientific experiment, not a validation of your worth. Observe women's responses without taking them personally. This approach will help you learn what works and what doesn't, and it will make the process less emotionally charged.

3. Embrace Abundance, Not Scarcity

If you can’t see that you are already abundantly blessed, you won’t be able to see it if it is multiplied by 10, or 100, or 1000, or even a million.

Deprivation mindset. Many men operate from a mindset of scarcity, believing that good women, good sex, and good relationships are in short supply. This mindset leads to isolation, neediness, and settling for less than they deserve.

Abundance mentality. The world is an abundant place, and there is plenty for everyone. Shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have. Develop a daily gratitude practice to appreciate the blessings in your life.

Open to opportunities. An abundance mindset allows you to see and walk through open doors of opportunity. It gives you the courage to take risks and interact with women without fear of loss. Remember, miracles happen around people, not when you're sitting at home.

4. Soothe Anxiety, Don't Manage It

Thinking causes anxiety, acting cures it.

Anxiety management vs. soothing. Many men try to manage anxiety by avoiding situations that make them uncomfortable. This approach keeps them stuck in a cycle of fear and inaction. Instead, learn to soothe anxiety from within.

Change your thinking. Replace the thought "I can't handle it" with "I can handle it." This simple affirmation can help you move forward even when you feel anxious. Remember, you have handled everything so far in life, and you will handle everything else that comes your way.

Act, don't think. Thinking causes anxiety, but acting cures it. Don't overanalyze situations; take action. Follow the "3-second rule" and approach women without hesitation. Treat dating as a scientific experiment, not a test of your worth.

5. Women Are Imperfect Humans, Not Myths

Women are nothing more than imperfect human beings!

Demystify women. Many men have unrealistic and unsubstantiated fantasies about women, often fueled by cultural myths. These myths make women seem superior, complicated, and unattainable. The truth is, women are just imperfect human beings, like everyone else.

Explode the myths. Women are not inherently superior, complicated, or naturally good at relationships. They are not looking for perfection in men, and they don't want to be put on a pedestal. They want to be seen and judged for who they are, not for some idealized version of femininity.

Relate as equals. When you see women as people, you can relate to them more authentically. This allows you to let go of fear, resentment, and anxiety, and it opens the door to healthy, balanced relationships.

6. Attraction is a Lifestyle, Not a Technique

A great woman is the icing, not the cake.

Create an amazing life. Instead of focusing solely on attracting women, focus on creating a passionate, active, and fulfilling life for yourself. Pursue your passions, develop your interests, and build strong relationships with other men.

Bring something to the table. Women are attracted to men who have something going on. They want a man who is interesting, confident, and has a life of his own. They are not looking for a man to complete them; they are looking for a man to complement them.

Become what you want to attract. Develop the traits you admire in others. If you want a confident woman, become a confident man. If you want a passionate woman, become a passionate man. The more you invest in yourself, the more attractive you will become to the kind of women you desire.

7. Activate Her Biological Urges

A woman’s greatest asset is a man’s imagination.

Embrace your sexuality. Men are biologically programmed to be sexually interested in women. This is not something to be ashamed of or to hide. Embrace your sexual energy and use it to your advantage.

Confidence is key. Women are attracted to confidence, status, power, and authority. These traits activate their biologically programmed security meter. When you approach a woman with confidence, she experiences a chemical reaction in her brain that is similar to the one you experience when you see a woman you find attractive.

Be a man. Stop trying to be "nice" and start being a man. Set the tone, take the lead, and be comfortable with your sexuality. This is what women are biologically programmed to respond to.

8. Test, Don't Guess, Her Interest

Most men quit testing before a woman quits showing high interest.

Testing is essential. Every interaction you have with a woman is a test of her interest in you. Testing is not about trying to get her to like you; it's about finding out if she already does.

Three levels of testing:

• Level One: Basic social pleasantries (smiling, eye contact, saying hello)
• Level Two: Finding commonality (conversations, shared interests, flirting)
• Level Three: Requiring something of her (asking for her number, setting up a date)

Observe her response. Pay attention to her body language, facial expressions, and voice tone. Does she engage with you, or does she seem disinterested? If she shows low interest, move on. If she shows high interest, continue testing.

9. Banter and Flirt with Confidence

Relax, take the lid off, and let the real you come out.

Banter is playful. Banter is a playful verbal repartee that creates a positive emotional state. It's about being yourself, not about trying to be clever or funny.

Flirting is sexual. Flirting is banter with sexual energy. It's about testing a woman's "fuckability" and seeing if there is chemistry between you.

Get out of your head. Stop worrying about what to say and just say it. Be spontaneous, be playful, and be yourself. The more you relax and let your personality shine, the more attractive you will become.

10. Set the Tone and Take the Lead

A woman can’t follow where a man doesn’t lead.

Women want a leader. Women are security-seeking creatures, and they want a man who can set the tone and take the lead. This doesn't mean being controlling; it means having a plan and inviting her to follow.

Avoid passivity. Don't ask a woman what she wants to do; tell her what you want to do. Don't let her dictate the terms of the relationship. Be decisive and confident.

Be consistent. Set the tone from the very first interaction and continue to do so throughout the relationship. This will make her feel safe and secure, and it will increase her attraction to you.

11. Practice Makes Perfect: The 12/12 Challenge

Dating is a numbers game.

Commit to action. The 12/12 challenge is a commitment to go on 12 dates with 12 different women over 12 weeks. This challenge is designed to get you out of your comfort zone and into the dating world.

Practice your skills. The 12/12 is not about finding the perfect woman; it's about practicing your dating skills. Use each date as an opportunity to test, banter, flirt, and set the tone.

Let go of outcomes. Don't worry about whether or not the women like you. Focus on practicing your skills and having fun. The more you practice, the more confident and successful you will become.

Last updated: February 3, 2025