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Dating Essentials for Men

Dating Essentials for Men

The Only Dating Guide You Will Ever Need
by Robert A. Glover 2019 208 pages
4.22
500+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Challenge Your Self-Limiting Beliefs (SLBs)

No matter how strongly you believe these excuses to be true, and no matter how much evidence you can dredge up to support your beliefs, they’re lies.

Mindset is everything. Your mind constantly tells you lies about yourself and women, often rooted in childhood experiences and toxic shame. These self-limiting beliefs (SLBs) create a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation and failure. Common SLBs include "I'm not good enough," "Women only want rich guys," or "I'm too shy."

Identify and confront. The first step to overcoming these lies is to identify them. Pay attention to your inner dialogue, especially when you feel anxious or avoid social situations. Challenge the validity of these beliefs by asking yourself, "Is this really true?" or "What evidence do I have to support this?"

Replace with truth. Once you've identified your SLBs, replace them with more accurate and positive beliefs. For example, instead of "I'm not good enough," try "I am worthy of love and connection." This process will be uncomfortable, but it is essential for breaking free from the limitations of your mind.

2. Rejection Doesn't Hurt; It's a Test

Rejection doesn’t hurt. . . . but it is a great excuse to avoid facing the anxiety of talking to women.

Reframe rejection. The fear of rejection is a major obstacle for many men. However, rejection itself is not painful; it's the stories we tell ourselves about it that cause suffering. Reframe rejection as a simple "no" to a specific request, not a judgment of your worth.

Seek rejection. Consciously try to get rejected to desensitize yourself to the fear. Approach women with the goal of getting a "no," and you'll find that the fear diminishes. This approach also allows you to quickly move on to women who are interested.

Dating as a science experiment. Treat dating as a scientific experiment, not a validation of your worth. Observe women's responses without taking them personally. This approach will help you learn what works and what doesn't, and it will make the process less emotionally charged.

3. Embrace Abundance, Not Scarcity

If you can’t see that you are already abundantly blessed, you won’t be able to see it if it is multiplied by 10, or 100, or 1000, or even a million.

Deprivation mindset. Many men operate from a mindset of scarcity, believing that good women, good sex, and good relationships are in short supply. This mindset leads to isolation, neediness, and settling for less than they deserve.

Abundance mentality. The world is an abundant place, and there is plenty for everyone. Shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have. Develop a daily gratitude practice to appreciate the blessings in your life.

Open to opportunities. An abundance mindset allows you to see and walk through open doors of opportunity. It gives you the courage to take risks and interact with women without fear of loss. Remember, miracles happen around people, not when you're sitting at home.

4. Soothe Anxiety, Don't Manage It

Thinking causes anxiety, acting cures it.

Anxiety management vs. soothing. Many men try to manage anxiety by avoiding situations that make them uncomfortable. This approach keeps them stuck in a cycle of fear and inaction. Instead, learn to soothe anxiety from within.

Change your thinking. Replace the thought "I can't handle it" with "I can handle it." This simple affirmation can help you move forward even when you feel anxious. Remember, you have handled everything so far in life, and you will handle everything else that comes your way.

Act, don't think. Thinking causes anxiety, but acting cures it. Don't overanalyze situations; take action. Follow the "3-second rule" and approach women without hesitation. Treat dating as a scientific experiment, not a test of your worth.

5. Women Are Imperfect Humans, Not Myths

Women are nothing more than imperfect human beings!

Demystify women. Many men have unrealistic and unsubstantiated fantasies about women, often fueled by cultural myths. These myths make women seem superior, complicated, and unattainable. The truth is, women are just imperfect human beings, like everyone else.

Explode the myths. Women are not inherently superior, complicated, or naturally good at relationships. They are not looking for perfection in men, and they don't want to be put on a pedestal. They want to be seen and judged for who they are, not for some idealized version of femininity.

Relate as equals. When you see women as people, you can relate to them more authentically. This allows you to let go of fear, resentment, and anxiety, and it opens the door to healthy, balanced relationships.

6. Attraction is a Lifestyle, Not a Technique

A great woman is the icing, not the cake.

Create an amazing life. Instead of focusing solely on attracting women, focus on creating a passionate, active, and fulfilling life for yourself. Pursue your passions, develop your interests, and build strong relationships with other men.

Bring something to the table. Women are attracted to men who have something going on. They want a man who is interesting, confident, and has a life of his own. They are not looking for a man to complete them; they are looking for a man to complement them.

Become what you want to attract. Develop the traits you admire in others. If you want a confident woman, become a confident man. If you want a passionate woman, become a passionate man. The more you invest in yourself, the more attractive you will become to the kind of women you desire.

7. Activate Her Biological Urges

A woman’s greatest asset is a man’s imagination.

Embrace your sexuality. Men are biologically programmed to be sexually interested in women. This is not something to be ashamed of or to hide. Embrace your sexual energy and use it to your advantage.

Confidence is key. Women are attracted to confidence, status, power, and authority. These traits activate their biologically programmed security meter. When you approach a woman with confidence, she experiences a chemical reaction in her brain that is similar to the one you experience when you see a woman you find attractive.

Be a man. Stop trying to be "nice" and start being a man. Set the tone, take the lead, and be comfortable with your sexuality. This is what women are biologically programmed to respond to.

8. Test, Don't Guess, Her Interest

Most men quit testing before a woman quits showing high interest.

Testing is essential. Every interaction you have with a woman is a test of her interest in you. Testing is not about trying to get her to like you; it's about finding out if she already does.

Three levels of testing:

  • Level One: Basic social pleasantries (smiling, eye contact, saying hello)
  • Level Two: Finding commonality (conversations, shared interests, flirting)
  • Level Three: Requiring something of her (asking for her number, setting up a date)

Observe her response. Pay attention to her body language, facial expressions, and voice tone. Does she engage with you, or does she seem disinterested? If she shows low interest, move on. If she shows high interest, continue testing.

9. Banter and Flirt with Confidence

Relax, take the lid off, and let the real you come out.

Banter is playful. Banter is a playful verbal repartee that creates a positive emotional state. It's about being yourself, not about trying to be clever or funny.

Flirting is sexual. Flirting is banter with sexual energy. It's about testing a woman's "fuckability" and seeing if there is chemistry between you.

Get out of your head. Stop worrying about what to say and just say it. Be spontaneous, be playful, and be yourself. The more you relax and let your personality shine, the more attractive you will become.

10. Set the Tone and Take the Lead

A woman can’t follow where a man doesn’t lead.

Women want a leader. Women are security-seeking creatures, and they want a man who can set the tone and take the lead. This doesn't mean being controlling; it means having a plan and inviting her to follow.

Avoid passivity. Don't ask a woman what she wants to do; tell her what you want to do. Don't let her dictate the terms of the relationship. Be decisive and confident.

Be consistent. Set the tone from the very first interaction and continue to do so throughout the relationship. This will make her feel safe and secure, and it will increase her attraction to you.

11. Practice Makes Perfect: The 12/12 Challenge

Dating is a numbers game.

Commit to action. The 12/12 challenge is a commitment to go on 12 dates with 12 different women over 12 weeks. This challenge is designed to get you out of your comfort zone and into the dating world.

Practice your skills. The 12/12 is not about finding the perfect woman; it's about practicing your dating skills. Use each date as an opportunity to test, banter, flirt, and set the tone.

Let go of outcomes. Don't worry about whether or not the women like you. Focus on practicing your skills and having fun. The more you practice, the more confident and successful you will become.

Last updated:

FAQ

What's "Dating Essentials for Men" about?

  • Comprehensive Guide: "Dating Essentials for Men" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a comprehensive guide designed to help men improve their dating skills and overcome self-limiting beliefs.
  • Focus on Mindset and Skills: The book emphasizes mastering one's mindset and perfecting dating practices to naturally attract women and build fulfilling relationships.
  • Practical Advice: It offers practical advice on approaching women, handling rejection, and creating a lifestyle that attracts women naturally.
  • Personal Growth: Beyond dating, the book aims to help men grow as individuals, enhancing their social and emotional intelligence.

Why should I read "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Overcome Dating Challenges: If you struggle with dating, this book provides strategies to overcome common challenges like fear of rejection and lack of confidence.
  • Improve Social Skills: It offers insights into improving social interactions, making it easier to connect with women and others in various settings.
  • Build Confidence: The book helps build confidence by challenging self-limiting beliefs and encouraging a proactive approach to dating.
  • Holistic Approach: It not only focuses on dating but also on personal development, helping you become a more complete and confident person.

What are the key takeaways of "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Master Your Mind: Challenge and overcome self-limiting beliefs that hinder your dating success.
  • Perfect Your Practice: Develop effective dating skills and routines to meet and attract women.
  • Confidence is Key: Confidence is the number one aphrodisiac for women; projecting it is crucial.
  • Abundance Mindset: Adopt an abundance mindset to see the world as full of opportunities for love and relationships.

How does Dr. Glover suggest overcoming the fear of rejection?

  • Rejection Doesn't Hurt: Dr. Glover emphasizes that rejection itself doesn't hurt; it's the internalized judgments that do.
  • Get to Rejection Quickly: He advises treating dating as a scientific experiment and trying to get to rejection quickly to reduce anxiety.
  • Practice Makes Perfect: Regularly practice approaching women to desensitize yourself to rejection and build confidence.
  • Change Your Mindset: Shift your mindset to see rejection as a natural part of the dating process, not a reflection of your worth.

What is the "5/5" method in "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Define Your Criteria: The "5/5" method involves listing five traits you must have in a partner and five traits you won't tolerate.
  • Clarity in Dating: This method helps you gain clarity on what you're looking for in a relationship, making it easier to identify suitable partners.
  • Avoid Settling: It prevents you from settling for someone who doesn't meet your essential criteria, ensuring a better match.
  • Guide for Evaluation: Use this list to evaluate potential partners and make informed decisions about pursuing relationships.

How does Dr. Glover suggest creating a lifestyle that attracts women naturally?

  • Passion and Interests: Pursue your passions and interests to create a fulfilling and interesting life that naturally attracts women.
  • Physical Fitness: Maintain good physical fitness as it projects self-control and confidence, which are attractive traits.
  • Social Connections: Build strong social connections, especially with other men, to create a balanced and fulfilling life.
  • Attention to Detail: Pay attention to personal grooming, fashion, and your living environment to make a positive impression.

What is the "Relationship Pyramid" in "Dating Essentials for Men"?

  • Four Levels: The Relationship Pyramid categorizes women into four levels: Really Great Woman (RGW), Good Woman (GW), Wrong Woman (WW), and Really Wrong Woman (RWW).
  • Objective Evaluation: It provides a framework for objectively evaluating potential partners based on your criteria.
  • Avoid Wrong Matches: Helps you quickly identify and avoid women who aren't suitable for a long-term relationship.
  • Focus on RGW: Encourages focusing your efforts on finding a Really Great Woman who meets all your essential criteria.

What are some effective ways to test for interest according to Dr. Glover?

  • Three Levels of Testing: Dr. Glover outlines three levels of testing: Social Pleasantries, Finding Commonality, and Requiring Something of Her.
  • Observe Interest Level: Each interaction is a test of her interest level, and you should observe whether she shows high or low interest.
  • Bold and Clear Tests: Be bold and clear in your tests to accurately gauge her interest and avoid wasting time.
  • Get to Rejection Quickly: Use testing to get to rejection quickly, allowing you to move on to women with higher interest.

How does Dr. Glover suggest handling anxiety with women?

  • Self-Soothing Techniques: Learn self-soothing techniques like diaphragmatic breathing to manage anxiety in social situations.
  • Change Your Thinking: Replace negative thoughts with affirmations like "I can handle it" to reduce anxiety.
  • Act, Don't Overthink: Stop overthinking and start acting, as action reduces anxiety more effectively than rumination.
  • Practice Regularly: Regularly practice social interactions to build confidence and reduce anxiety over time.

What is the importance of setting the tone and taking the lead in dating?

  • Security for Women: Women are security-seeking creatures, and setting the tone makes them feel safe and secure.
  • Avoid Friend Zone: Taking the lead helps avoid falling into the friend zone by clearly expressing your intentions.
  • Project Confidence: It projects confidence and decisiveness, traits that are attractive to women.
  • Test Her Nature: Setting the tone allows you to test her nature and see if she follows your lead, indicating interest.

What are some of the best quotes from "Dating Essentials for Men" and what do they mean?

  • "Rejection doesn't hurt." This quote emphasizes that the pain of rejection comes from internal judgments, not the rejection itself.
  • "Confidence is the number one aphrodisiac." It highlights the importance of projecting confidence to attract women.
  • "Get to rejection quickly." Encourages facing rejection head-on to reduce anxiety and find women with genuine interest.
  • "A woman can't follow where a man doesn't lead." Stresses the importance of setting the tone and taking the lead in dating.

How does Dr. Glover suggest using the internet for dating?

  • Tool, Not a Crutch: Use online dating as a tool to meet women, but don't rely on it exclusively; balance it with real-world interactions.
  • Create an Engaging Profile: Craft a profile that highlights your interests and personality, using specific details to create a vivid picture.
  • Be Proactive: Actively reach out to women and set up face-to-face meetings quickly to avoid endless chatting.
  • Experiment and Adapt: Regularly update your profile and experiment with different approaches to see what works best.

Review Summary

4.22 out of 5
Average of 500+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Dating Essentials for Men receives mostly positive reviews, with an average rating of 4.21/5. Readers appreciate Glover's practical advice on changing mindsets, building confidence, and approaching dating. Many find it helpful for overcoming self-limiting beliefs and improving social skills. Some criticize the book's repetitiveness and disagree with certain perspectives on relationships. Overall, readers value the author's experience and insights, though some find the content basic or potentially problematic. The book is often recommended alongside Glover's previous work, "No More Mr. Nice Guy."

Your rating:

About the Author

Dr. Robert A. Glover is a renowned author and relationship expert best known for his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy." He is also the creator of Dating Essentials for Men and the director of TPI University. Glover's work focuses on helping men overcome self-limiting beliefs and develop healthier approaches to relationships. His expertise stems from his background as a psychotherapist and personal experiences, including two marriages and subsequent divorces. Glover's teachings aim to empower men to build confidence, improve their dating lives, and achieve more fulfilling relationships. His books and courses have gained significant popularity among men seeking to transform their approach to dating and personal growth.

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