Eight Dates

1. Cultivate Trust Through Daily Actions and Open Communication

Trust is cherishing each other and showing your partner that you can be counted on.

Build trust daily. Trust is not just about fidelity; it's about reliability, consistency, and emotional safety. Show your partner they can count on you through small, daily actions like keeping promises, being there when they're upset, and prioritizing their needs. Create an environment where both partners feel safe to be vulnerable and express their true selves.

Communicate openly. Practice the art of listening without judgment and ask open-ended questions to understand your partner's perspective. Share your own thoughts and feelings honestly, even when it's uncomfortable. Regular, meaningful conversations about your lives, dreams, and concerns will deepen your connection and strengthen trust.

Ways to build trust:

• Follow through on commitments, big and small
• Show up emotionally when your partner is struggling
• Express appreciation and affection regularly
• Be transparent about your actions and intentions
• Respect each other's boundaries and privacy

2. Address Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth and Understanding

Approach your differences with curiosity rather than correctness. Have a genuine desire to understand the stories that are underneath the issues.

Embrace conflict as normal. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Instead of avoiding it, see it as an opportunity to understand each other better and grow closer. Recognize that most conflicts (69%) are about perpetual problems that won't be solved, but can be managed with mutual understanding and respect.

Practice effective conflict resolution. When disagreements arise, focus on understanding each other's perspectives rather than proving who's right. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blame. Take breaks if emotions run high, and always circle back to repair after an argument. Remember, it's not about winning, but about finding a solution that works for both partners.

Keys to healthy conflict resolution:

• Listen to understand, not to respond
• Validate your partner's feelings, even if you disagree
• Focus on the issue at hand, not past grievances
• Compromise when possible, and accept differences when necessary
• Take responsibility for your part in the conflict

3. Prioritize Sex and Intimacy to Maintain Connection

Couples who can talk openly about sex have more sex, and the women have more orgasms.

Maintain physical intimacy. Regular physical affection and sexual connection are crucial for a healthy relationship. Make time for intimacy, even when life gets busy. This doesn't always mean sex; it can be cuddling, kissing, or simply touching. Physical closeness releases bonding hormones that strengthen your emotional connection.

Communicate about sex. Open, honest communication about desires, preferences, and concerns is essential for a satisfying sex life. Create a safe space to discuss these topics without judgment. Remember that needs and desires may change over time, so keep the conversation ongoing. Prioritize each other's pleasure and be willing to try new things to keep the spark alive.

Ways to maintain intimacy:

• Schedule regular date nights
• Practice the 6-second kiss when greeting and parting
• Express physical affection throughout the day
• Share fantasies and desires with each other
• Be attentive to each other's changing needs and preferences

4. Balance Work, Money, and Relationship Commitments

Money issues aren't about dollars and cents; they are about what money means to each partner in a relationship.

Align financial values. Understand that money conflicts often stem from different values and experiences. Have open discussions about your financial histories, goals, and fears. Create a shared vision for your financial future that respects both partners' needs and values. Remember, it's not about who's right, but about finding a middle ground that works for both of you.

Balance work and relationship. Recognize that work is a significant part of life, but shouldn't overshadow your relationship. Set boundaries to ensure quality time together, even during busy periods. Support each other's career aspirations while maintaining your connection. Regularly check in about work-life balance and be willing to adjust as needed.

Strategies for financial harmony:

• Create a budget that reflects both partners' priorities
• Discuss major purchases and financial decisions together
• Set short-term and long-term financial goals as a couple
• Be transparent about income, debts, and spending habits
• Acknowledge and respect different attitudes towards saving and spending

5. Create a Shared Vision of Family and Support Each Other's Growth

The greatest gift for a child is a loving relationship between parents. This is the foundation that he or she will build on for a lifetime.

Define family together. Discuss your visions of family life, whether that includes children, pets, or chosen family. If you decide to have children, prepare for the challenges it may bring to your relationship. Prioritize your partnership even as your family grows, recognizing that a strong relationship benefits everyone in the family unit.

Support individual growth. Encourage each other's personal development and be open to change within your relationship. Recognize that growth may sometimes be uncomfortable, but it's essential for both individual and relationship health. Celebrate each other's achievements and be a supportive presence during struggles.

Ways to support growth:

• Encourage pursuit of individual interests and hobbies
• Be open to trying new experiences together
• Regularly discuss personal and shared goals
• Offer emotional support during challenging times
• Celebrate each other's successes, big and small

6. Infuse Your Relationship with Play, Adventure, and New Experiences

Play isn't a luxury or an indulgence, but a necessity for a successful, happy relationship.

Prioritize fun and adventure. Make time for play and new experiences in your relationship. This doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming; it can be as simple as trying a new recipe together or exploring a different part of your city. Regular doses of novelty and excitement help maintain the spark in long-term relationships.

Embrace your differences. Recognize that you and your partner may have different ideas of what constitutes fun or adventure. Instead of seeing this as a problem, view it as an opportunity to expand your horizons. Take turns planning activities that each of you enjoys, and be open to trying new things together.

Ideas for infusing play and adventure:

• Take a class together (cooking, dance, art, etc.)
• Plan surprise dates for each other
• Create a bucket list of experiences to share
• Engage in friendly competition (board games, sports, etc.)
• Explore nature together (hiking, camping, stargazing)

7. Honor Individual Dreams While Building a Life Together

When each partner honors and supports the other's dreams, everything else in the relationship gets easier, because each person feels supported in being and becoming who they need and want to be.

Support each other's aspirations. Recognize the importance of individual dreams and goals within your relationship. Actively support your partner's aspirations, even if they don't align perfectly with your own. This might mean making sacrifices or compromises at times, but the result is a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

Balance individual and shared goals. While supporting individual dreams, also work on creating shared goals and visions for your future together. This balance ensures that you grow both as individuals and as a couple. Regularly discuss your dreams and how you can help each other achieve them.

Ways to honor dreams:

• Regularly discuss individual and shared aspirations
• Offer practical and emotional support for your partner's goals
• Be willing to compromise and take turns pursuing dreams
• Celebrate each other's achievements and milestones
• Adjust your shared vision as individual dreams evolve

8. Develop Rituals and Shared Meaning to Strengthen Your Bond

Creating shared meaning and rituals of connection are a way to make a spiritual practice in your relationship.

Create meaningful rituals. Establish rituals that are unique to your relationship. These can be daily (like a morning coffee together), weekly (a regular date night), or yearly (an anniversary tradition). Rituals provide stability and connection, anchoring your relationship through life's ups and downs.

Build shared meaning. Develop a sense of shared purpose and values in your relationship. This can involve discussing your views on spirituality, your roles in the community, or your life philosophies. Creating a shared narrative about your life together deepens your connection and helps you navigate challenges as a team.

Ideas for rituals and shared meaning:

• Develop unique ways of greeting and parting
• Create traditions for holidays and special occasions
• Engage in regular conversations about life's big questions
• Participate in community or volunteer activities together
• Establish shared goals for personal growth or contribution to society

Last updated: July 23, 2024